Thursday, September 30, 2004

Thursday night

Hey, I'm sure that my blog was the first place you were going to turn for blow-by-blow debate coverage after I totally called out the Repubs during their convention but, unfortunately, I won't be watching. It's not that I don't want to watch Bush trip over words while dodging tough questions like Vince Vaughn dodges balls and Kerry giving his answers in 10 page essay form but I've decided to go see John Vanderslice at the M-Shop because he always puts on a good show (based on my previous two experiences). Maybe I'll catch a replay or something but I already know how it is going to go, at least according to the news dorks on cable.

Anyway, here is the Fox News spin: George W. Bush humiliated John Kerry, called the best debator in presidential history. We have declared George W. Bush as the next president of the United States in a landslide. Cut his mike! Cut his mike!

CNN: George W. Bush showed up John Kerry, one of the best debators in politics, on the subject of foreign affairs. His ability to deflect questions on his leadership and wisdom in the Iraq war was like nothing we've seen since Bill Clinton. I'm Wolf Blitzer, blah, blah.

MSNBC: I'm Chris Matthews, where's Zell Miller? I'm gonna kick that fucker's ass.

I'm going to try to catch the Daily Show replay which will probably be the most informative and definitely most humorous. They're on live at ten.

In bullshit news Jack Daniels has lowered their whiskey from 86 to 80 proof because they think consumers want a less potent drink. Hey, here's an idea, don't put so much freaking jack in with your coke and let me have my 43%.

Yao Ming is a lightweight and has no taste buds:

He also learned that clear beverages are not always what they seem. In a
limo on the way to filming a spot for Apple computers, Yao wanted to take his
vitamins, so he asked his interpreter, Colin Pine, to pour him water from a
glass container. Pine complied. Yao downed a tall glass and almost instantly
felt his face getting flushed. The water turned out to be gin. Yao had just had
his first experience with alcohol, and was about to show up to a major
commercial shoot inebriated. Fortunately, he had a few hours to sober up before
filming commenced.
"A lot of people saw (the ad), but no one's ever asked if
I was drunk. Maybe that means I'm a better actor than I think," Yao said.

Thanks to the Intern for the links. I think that's about it for now and I'm off to get ready for the show. Keep some positive thoughts going for Kerry.

"oh we kissed only once,
in your stripped out apartment,
You sold your furniture,
so we kissed on the carpet.

it’s like a whaling ship
oh, is being on tour you know,
next day you gotta set sail
in your 350 Ford

you were my fiji,
o believe me
those hours with you they
only expand
o you, you were my fiji
o believe me
but I fell in love with
somebody else’s sand
somebody else’s dry land

you’re a stripper now,
in new orleans
fucking whale sank my van and
took my shipmates into the sea."
john vanderslice
Man is fond of counting his troubles but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

When I go back and read what I've written it often seems like I'm pretty bitter about everything and in some ways I can be but I'm really not always like that. If I'm happy I don't have the urge to go write about it on this stupid thing but if I'm annoyed about something, even if just for a little bit, I end up here bitching to the anonymous "masses" that read this. Don't take a lot of what I say on here seriously because the Festivus post was pretty much a joke. Yeah, I was pissed at work but that was mostly because I was working by myself and my hands were bleeding and I had too much time to think which allowed me to build up tiny annoyances into something I felt I needed to tell people about. By the time I got home I was over it but I like to work in Seinfeld references so I wrote about it anyway. So, thanks to Angela for pointing this out to me so I could clarify.

I am teh suck at the intraweb funny. See, I just ripped off adult swim message board humor. It's bedtime.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Are you guys having a killer time?

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

It's another Festivus miracle!

I really think Frank Costanza was onto something with some of his Festivus ideas. I had to work in the Iso field today which meant that the dry corn leaves scratched the shit out of my hands plus I had three big cuts that bled all over the corn. Sounds pretty sanitary to continue to husk corn with open wounds, huh? Anyway, another crappy part of this was that I had to be on my own for most of day instead of talking about absinthe or something like that with the other guys. With no one to talk to I was forced to think about all kinds of random, boring things I'd already hashed out during my insomnia incident from the night before. This included coming up with things I'd like to say to all of you but probably shouldn't because it would cause major drama. Obviously, an airing of the grievances is needed where we can get all of this off our chests and everything is better in the morning instead of you telling me to "fuck off and die" or something. Then, you could also tell me all the ways that I have disappointed you and we could all work to change it. Unfortunately, this would never work and all of these fake conversations I created in my mind will never happen and that's probably a good thing. Until later, kiddos!

"To be mad at someone-that is easy. To be mad at the right person, for the right reason, at the right time and at the right degree-that is not easy."

unfinished political business

First, a link to a story that shows viewers of the Daily Show are more likely to be college-educated than those that watch the O'Reilly Factor. This is relevant because O'Reilly jokingly referred to the audience as "stoned slackers". First of all, it's funny that Comedy Central put him in his place. Second of all, one of the lines in the article really made me laugh. "Comedy Central had no statistics on how many people watch "The Daily Show" stoned." O'Reilly goes on the Daily Show the 7th. Could be good.

I was reading about these Iraqi elections the US is going to try to force them to have in January (or at least pretend they are viable until after the election) and Rumsfeld made another great comment: "Let's say you tried to have an election and you could have it in three-quarters or four-fifths of the country. But in some places you couldn't because the violence was too great," he told a Senate committee hearing. "Well, so be it. Nothing's perfect in life, so you have an election that's not quite perfect." He then made a joke about the 2000 election. How appropriate, I was thinking the same thing... Then Powell says that they will have the election in the entire country even if there is gunfire and bombings outside of some of the polling places. Nothing says a fair, democratic election like gun battles keeping people away. My question is will this be more, less, or as legitimate as a controversial election dogged by allegations of fraud and voter exclusion in the territory controlled by the winning candidate's brother? I mean, hypothetically, of course.

Monday, September 27, 2004

the rambling (edited and amended 12:55)

song of the moment: "Temptation" by New Order
oh, you’ve got green eyes...oh, you’ve got blue eyes...oh, you’ve got grey eyes...

A quote from my current book to start this story.
"But then, obsessives have no choice; they have to lie on occasions like this. If we told the truth every time, then we would be unable to maintain relationships with anyone from the real world."
Nick Hornby

First, I should make a disclaimer that I'm all hyped up on coffee so a lot of this will most likely be rambling and slightly incoherent but the story I told was as well so I guess it fits. Anyway, after my third cup of coffee I launch into this story about how I was on campus chilling and decided that I wanted to see the sun set because I could tell it was going tobe a good one. The problem is that there are always these buildings in the way. First it was Beardshear, then Howe, then State Gym, then apartment buildings and trees. For whatever reason I started to get so annoyed that I couldn't see this entire sunset. When I finally got back to my place I hopped in my car to drive out of town. By now I was absolutely obsessed with watching the end of this sunset and I'd already missed most of it but I was not to be denied. I finally turned out onto a dirt road and watched the very end of it but I had my camera with me and got some good photos I think and also some bonus pictures of the full moon partially obscured by clouds reflecting the colors of the sun which I think will be good if they don't turn out too blurry from the long exposure time.

Anyway, I'm getting really intense and talking faster and faster as I'm telling this story and most of the people I'm telling it to have this look on their face which is probably much like the one you have now. Fortunately Jake seemed to understand where I was coming from. These are the types of things I find myself getting fired up about now and I was really in a contemplative mood for a variety of reasons. I think that what I did was strange and a little beyond logic but sometimes I just need to see the full sunset and it seems to be a decent metaphor. The bullshit of our lives can be like the buildings hiding something great behind it. I feel like sometimes these are buildings that we put up and other times they are actual barriers and you need to drive out of town to get some perspective, metaphorically, of course. You could almost bring into the fact that things seemed simpler back then and there was always a clear view out the back window back in KS. God, this just keeps getting lamer and lamer so I'm just going to cut it short but I think it's important for people to look for those things once in a while. Find the good things in life even though things can seem really shitty. Another quote from the book:
"Life isn't, and has never been, a 2-0 home victory against the League leaders after a fish-and-chip lunch."

I think I should try to cut out some of this philisophical bullshit but the disclaimer on the site clearly states that this will include the dumb stuff I think about.

I don't think I got to one of the things I was thinking about as I walked home tonight. It's tough to explain your passions to people when they don't understand them. I don't necessarily expect people to understand why it was important for me to get out of town at that moment to watch it so maybe I shouldn't have told them. Sometimes I think that I'm a fairly intense person about certain things and I can relate to other people like that while others seem to miss it. I've had this discussion with Bennett about a mutual friend that came to her with a problem that she didn't really see the point but I knew where he was coming from. Probably not good since he's about half-crazy, eh? Hehe. I just hope that people will understand that sometimes I just need to release this stuff and I don't see it as any crazier than some of the stuff that other people obsess over even if I don't see the point to it. Are my obsessions or seemingly crazy moments any different than poring over every word in a letter time and time again or other confessions from my friends that I won't mention? I don't think so. Maybe people think I'm weird and maybe I am but I think there's something good about finding something in a sunset or sitting on a log for an hour thinking. But, hey, I'm just a weirdo with too much time on his hands.

We're going to Iraq!

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Best "Get Your War On" of the week

Saturday, September 25, 2004

a night in the basement

This is my third post tonight which isn't really surprising since I decided I just wanted to spend tonight doing nothing. Nothing can often seem like a good idea when you're tired after a long week but it starts to get a little boring as the night goes along. For instance, I've probably spent close to an hour looking for an mp3 of a song that was mentioned in a movie I watched. The only copy I found on Livewire wouldn't download because it's being a bitch tonight and there was nothing but crappy midi files on the web. The song is "Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen" or "I am Lost to the World" based on a poem by Ruckert and translated into this:

I am lost to the world with which I used to waste so much time,
It has heard nothing from me for so long that it may very well believe that I am dead!
It is of no consequence to me
Whether it thinks me dead;
I cannot deny it, for I really am dead to the world.
I am dead to the world's tumult,
And I rest in a quiet realm!
I live alone in my heaven,
In my love and in my song!

The song is really great but I can't listen to it now and it's really pissing me off along with about everything else tonight. I rented Coffee and Cigarettes based on some good review I read somewhere but I was really disappointed. It was basically 11 short "stories" that all were based on people drinking coffee and smokings cigs. Really, the only one I enjoyed was GZA "The Genius" and RZA "Bobby Digital" drinking coffee with Bill "Groundhog Day Ghostbuster" Murray (once again, everything he touches turns to gold and "the man knows his hip hop").

Warning: Potentially (definitely?) boring, semi-concealed rant/whine session coming up. Feel free to skip, you won't miss anything.

So, I've been thinking about what to do when you want to confront someone about something but it's probably not a good idea to do it. In fact, the only good it would do is let me get some shit off my chest while causing the ever popular drama. Not quite Baby Mama Drama but close. It just bugs the hell out of me when stuff is said by people who don't really know what they're talking about but somehow feel the need to play the expert on the situation. I'm sure some of you might have a clue about what I'm talking about and others will think they do and the rest won't give a rat's ass. That's sort of the beauty and curse of these blogs. It helps me release some tension to put some of my thoughts in type but I can never say too much or be too obvious about them for various reasons. Should you feel betrayed when you think you've supported someone in a shitty situation and then don't feel like you're getting that in return? Maybe I'm reading everything wrong but it's not going to stop me from being pissed right now.

How about that. I just read the comment on the Starbucks post and it made me laugh. More people should leave me comments on these things. Tell me why that post ruled (or more likely why it sucked).

A final lyric before I wrap this up and try to go to bed again from the song that was playing just now:
Give me your hand
And take what you will tonight, I'll give it as fast
And high as the flame will rise
Cinder and smoke
Some whispers around the trees
The juniper bends
As if you were listening

-Iron and Wine "Cinder and Smoke"

But, yeah, time for bed. I've got to get up and cheer for the Wolverines against Iowa. Of course watching two teams with running games that resemble ISU's from last year (well, and this one too, I guess) should be a blast. Whoo, Overrated Ten!

Friday, September 24, 2004

Starbucks guys

Tell me you wouldn't want those guys from the Starbucks commercials following you around singing your name to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger".

Ben! Ben Ben Ben! Ben Ben Ben! Ben Ben Beeeeeen! Walking 'round, harvesting corn. Tearing off husks like a madman.

My life would be so much better if they were doing that for me.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Songs in advertising

It used to really annoy me when I'd hear songs I really liked but I've sort of gotten over it since they're all over and nearly no one has resisted "selling out" as they say. Now, I just find it hilarious when these companies use horribly inappropriate songs to promote their products. Some examples would be using a Velvet Underground song about heroin or Tommy Hilfiger promoting jeans with flags on them by playing the Creedence song "Some folks are born, born to wave the flag, ooh, the red white and blue" while completely ignoring the fact that the next lines are "it ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son." The song is against the type of blind patriotism and flag worship that companies like this are now using to sell their overpriced products made by Malaysian kids for 10 cents a day. It's insane and I wonder how many of us see the unbelievable irony in examples like this.

Anyway, some of you may have seen the VW commercial where the people in their SUV drive out into the wilderness, crushing any wildlife that may be in their way to take pictures for the tourist in the bus. The song playing was phenomenal so I did some research and found out that it is "Ariel Ramirez" by Richard Buckner. I also found that Ariel was an Argentinian composer popular among the heroin crowd in San Francisco and the song was apparently a story of love between heroin junkies. One comes clean and the other doesn't maybe? At least that's how I read it. The point is that these companies should think about some of these issues before playing them to the world. And go listen to Ariel Ramirez because it is such a beautiful song.

Oh where you lay
Your head tonight
I'll roll away alone
And close on down
Take up your ring
And fly back out
And we'll pretend,
Forget we're dead
Yeah, we'll lay it down
When we're all through
When we're killed or cured
And barely heard
Put Ariel on and smoke away the night
Into the white net crawl
Until the hammers fall
I kept your poem here
With all my other gear
But in the end I missed what it meant
Oh where you lay
Your head tonight
I'll roll away alone
And close on down.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

"That seemed to handle it. That was it. Send a girl off with one man. Introduce her to another to go off with him. Now go and bring her back. And sign the wire with love. That was it all right. I went in to lunch."

Read this quote in the book I'm reading and thought it fit my story at one point. The rest of you won't care but whatever, it makes sense to me.

and now a word from our sponsors

Ever since I deleted Kazaa on account of their ridiculous amounts of spyware, etc. I've been missing stealing music. So, I just downloaded Limewire and it's just fantastic. It's fast, I find all the weird crap I want, and I'm still getting free music. The internet rules.

So, I finally got the Shins I've been seeking for a couple months. Plus, some Frou Frou, which is excellent. Both happened to be featured on the Garden State soundtrack which is appropriate as it is also an excellent movie.

I'm going to bed now even though I slept for an hour after work but that safety training crap wore me out. Nothing like being stuck in a room with dangerously low oxygen levels for hour hours listening to various work people drone about chemicals and watching the same ergonomics video for the 5th time. The highlight seriously might have been the fact that the fire extinguisher video was different and better than the last one we watched. So, it was a pretty pathetic afternoon.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

wow, i hate the chiefs

Their defense still sucks, their receivers can't catch anything, and they're 0-2. Disgusting. I can't believe I bought into the idea that Gunther would magically make their defense presentable. They still can't tackle, they still can't stop the run, they still give up big plays, still get dumb penalties. I think the only difference is that the offense is out of sync and can't score enough anymore. It could be a long season.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

...or something. I've been a little light on the posts this week because not much is going on I guess. Iowa City was fun despite the outcome of the game. I did manage to have another good story when Ryan passed out at the bar and they wouldn't let me back in to get him unless I paid five bucks. I left him 6 or 7 messages and called just about everyone I know to bitch about it but he finally woke up and came outside. Then after Jimmy Johns and the longest walk ever back to his apartment we slept for a while. I woke up and it was kind of dark out so I start thinking "oh shit, what the did I do last night? I don't remember anything." Fortunately it turns out it was only 7:30 and last night hadn't happened yet. We went downtown but it was just a huge clusterfuck. There really wasn't a reason to wait in line and pay $10 to drink overpriced drinks.

I did get to make one of my alltime favorite tailgating memories yesterday though. There were some people down the row a little bit playing some good music so we were pretty content but then this dude in a UHaul start unloading these massive speakers and blasting some absolutely brutal music. Nelly, slow Garth Brooks songs, etc. Paul rips up part of his case and makes a petition to get these guys to stop playing their music. It kept getting passed around to 5 or 6 groups and we filled up the page. We went over to give it to them and they actually turned it down and then off for a while. Power to the people! Later they hung it up on the top of the truck which we thought was pretty funny.

In news I read that Michael Moore will be speaking at Stephens on Oct. 17th so that should be cool.

Fox is showing Bears-Packers instead of the Chiefs game up here. That really pisses me off so I guess I'm going with Mitch and Len on the radio.

This post was boring. Sorry. I'll try to think of funny stuff to say later.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.
Robert Anthony

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.
Cynthia Nelms

I was thinking about people that always seem to be unhappy and these quotes seemed to fit the outlook they should have on life. At least it would give them something to think about. Although it's really kind of pretentious of me to claim that I have the answers to anyone's problems in a few quotes that simplify things to the point of "just make yourself happy". It would be awesome if you could just do that for everything but it's just not going to happen. The more I think about these quotes are full of shit...sort of. Dammit.

Thursday, September 09, 2004


Hey, it's Iowa-Iowa State week again and I thought I'd take a little stroll down memory lane. Some of you might know all these or been fortunate enough to witness them and others will be amazed at how such a huge portion of my drunkest moment can occur on the same weekend every year. So we'll go through them chronologically. This might take a while because trouble and copious amounts of alcohol seem to find me at these games.

1999 ISU 17 Iowa 10 Ames

My freshman year at ISU and I decided to jump into the rivalry right away by creating my own "Fuck the Hawks" wifebeater. I headed out to the parking lot and found some guy in my German class that started giving me beers all afternoon. It's about 100 degrees out and I end up falling asleep on a couch in some guy's pickup. I wake up and some people I don't know are shaking the pickup so I decide to go piss but the line at the port-a-potties is about a mile long. I try to cut in front of some people and almost get to the front when they confront me so I had to go to the bushes on the west side of the stadium. The game was close and Darren Davis destroyed Iowa for the second year in a row to the tune of 235 yards. After the game we stormed the field and I'm still stumbling around after sort of sobering up all game when I get pushed by somebody. I turn around and it's Kirk Ferentz, the freaking Iowa coach. Some fatass cop was trying to keep up with him but he was just pushing everybody out of the way. My brush with greatness. On my way back to the dorm I stole a beer out of an abandoned cooler and watched a couch burn for a little while. Then some Hawk fans spit at me while I was waiting to cross the street. Scoreboard!

2000 ISU 24 Iowa 14 Iowa City

My first trip to Iowa City courtesy of Chris Bonfig. We went to a party somewhere and J wrote "Fuck the Hawks" on their bathroom door which I thought was kind of bush league even if they were Hawk fans. I get back to chbonfig's dorm room and sleep for about 10 minutes when Swany gets back. We make the excellent decision to pull an all-nighter so we start breaking into the Bud Ice. Every time the guy in the Vikings coat moved we'd ask him if he wanted a beer. "Nah, I'm good." So, pretty soon it's starting to get light in the room and we realize we're totally trashed. What better way to start the day than with Burger King breakfast. We walk to the Ped Mall and wait outside until it opened and had a good meal. I went to the bathroom after eating and someone had pissed all over the floor the night before. I'm trying to piss but the smell is unbearable and I start gagging on my way out. This mixed with a big meal and a lot of beer turned out to be a bad combo and I puked into the trashcan in front of a half full BK. We just start laughing our asses off and head back to drink some more.

Gametime. Our tickets were in the Iowa student section and we sat about halfway down by ourselves which ended up being a little bit of an ISU section since anyone cheering for the Clones sat down by us. People are giving us shit and we're giving it back. First play of the game and J.J. Moses end around....TO THE HOUSE! 58 yards and "legendary" Kinnick Stadium is quiet..well, except for us going nuts. "Why so quiet?" as Bonfig said. comes the ice. People started throwing ice at our group and it wasn't that hard to hit us since we had a crowd of about 20 people wearing red. We start to egg them on by flipping everyone off which was the fun thing, not the smart thing, to do. This scene was pretty much repeated throughout the game. Some highlights were the nacho cheese covered pretzel hitting Swany or J and the half full bottle of water hitting the girl in front of us. Swany: "Hahaha...That bottle was meant for me!" This game also included a ten play 79 yard drive to seal the win. Epic stuff with Mike Banks making two HUGE 3rd down catches. MIKE BANKS!

2001 ISU 17 Iowa 14 Ames

This was played at the end of the year because of September 11 and both teams pretty much had bowl games wrapped up so there was a lot of hype because A) both teams were going bowling for the first time in years and B) the media thought Iowa was going to win. All of this led them to declare this the biggest game in years.

This story also involves an all-nighter and me puking up a BK breakfast interestingly enough. Long story short there was a lot of boozing all night and we went to BK for breakfast again. It was at this point I completely ignore the "Beer before liquor..." mantra and start taking shots of Black Velvet. I took the first shot, took the second, puke, rally with a third shot. This is the last thing I remember for a while but apparently I took three more shots after that. My friends convince me to wear my Captain Shocker Halloween costume which consists of those short coaching shorts from the 70's in red, a yellow ISU shirt, a red cape, long yellow soccer socks. I had a headband at one time but didn't wear that to the game. On the way to the game I dive headfirst into a muddy puddle of water so I'm soaked and dirty. I somehow manage to get into the game and am stumbling up the hill with the cops watching me when everyone but Swany ditches me. I don't fall down and make it into the game where I ask them every ten minutes why my shirt is so dirty. The first thing I remember is sometime in the first quarter. Surprisingly I'm pretty good after that and there were some big plays in this game too. Kahlil Hill muffing another punt that ISU recovered and then Craig Campbell busting his ass to strip Grant Steen after his interception. Such a huge play. Steen later flipped off our bench after the game. Classy guy. The game ends with Runk picking off a pass with a minute left to seal the deal. So, that is really one of my most embarrassing moments being that wasted. Not exactly something I'm proud of but it's a part of the lore.

2002 ISU 36 Iowa 31 Iowa City
Another game with a lot of hype because ISU just barely lost to Florida State in Arrowhead (even though Seneca was in) and had destroyed KU and Tenn Tech. Iowa was also undefeated. Once again Swany and I (he seems to be involved in a lot of these, doesn't he?) start drinking early. This time we made two trips to the liquor store that morning for Bacardi Ciclon. On the way to the game some girl threw her drink on Bonfig because he said undid her visor after she insulted the Cyclones. It was well worth it, dumb bitch. So, we tailgated for a while and then went into the game where we are ten or so rows up from behind the end zone. The ISU band is playing one of our songs and we sing the traditional "Oh, we don't know the words, we don't know the words, we don't know the words to this stupid fucking song" and some guy in front of us yells at us so it's pretty clear we're in the wrong section. We had our flasks full of Ciclon but the first half is really shitty and we're getting our asses beat. I went up to piss at halftime and Hawkeye fan was being such a dickhead. Would not shut up about it so I get back and I'm royally pissed. But, that's when the magic happened. We came out and shut down the run, started scoring, and just kicked the shit out of them that half. Seneca made one of the most amazing throws I've ever seen when he threw an absolute lazer on the run against his body on 3rd down. I kept turning around and telling the kids behind me that it wasn't too late to become Cyclone fans but they were losers. I'm not sure where their parents were but they must not have had a problem with hammered ISU students talking to their kids. The game is over and stunned Hawk fans are leaving. A good number of ISU fans are on the field but security gives us the evil eye as we edge our way on so we waited till they turned and then sprinted out there.

This is getting so long but there is another part of the story. On kickoffs we shake our keys and it's late in the game when my keychain breaks sending my keys flying behind me. SOMEHOW, nobody behind me saw where they went. Odd, isn't it? So, we spend a while looking under the bleachers for them but it's pitch black. Everyone we ask tells us that we need to go to Pete's office. Go see Pete. Go find Pete. But, Pete is a dick and is never at his office. Finally Pete shows up but no keys and he tells us to come back in the morning after they clean. We decide that Pete is everything that is wrong with the world and everything that screws us over is because of Pete. The next morning Pete screws us again so I have to call a locksmith. Fortunately, I get the King. Mike's Lock and Key. His kingdom is large and his subjects are many. In this business you're either growing or you're dying. The man had a freaking headset phone but he is the King and he hooked me up with some keys.

2003 Iowa 40 ISU 21 Ames
It rained all day and we looked like a fucking clown college out there. We let the clock run out at the half instead of scoring. We had three punts blocked. It was ugly. Not much else to say here but it was another long day of tailgating. I think we got up at 5 to get in line and it already stretched 4 blocks but we managed to cut everyone off by pretending we didn't know we needed a pass to get into the concrete lots. It was one of the worst feelings I've had at a football game watching Iowa's players sprint across the field to grab the Cy-Hawk trophy from our sideline.

Hey, if you made it this far you are either really bored or love to hear really drunken stories about me. I won't be at the game this year but I will be in Iowa City to represent at a bar or something. I'm getting a little too old for the craziness of past years but I imagine Ryan and I will throw down a beer or twenty.

Go State! Fuck the Hawks! I'm looking for you, Ferentz!

Monday, September 06, 2004

ISU football

I watched the replay of the UNI game on the Mediacom channel and had a few thoughts. First, the defense looked absolutely great out there. They flew around the ball, hit guys, and held the line. Yeah, it was just UNI but it was pretty much the same UNI offense that made some big plays last year and holding them to under 100 total yards is a very solid day. They never made it past ISU's 49 yardline the entire game. I was worried about losing Berryman but having Tyson Smith back at end is great news even if he would have strengthened the LB position quite a bit.

Offense looked better. The new O coordinator actually seemed to have more than 5 plays which was cool. He realized that we actually have a fullback and tight end that can get the ball more than twice a season. Meyer looked solid at QB and had a few missed throws but was fairly accurate and had some mobility. It's nice to be able to bring Flynn in if he struggles. The power and speed combo of Stevie Hicks and Tyease Thompson will do a lot of damage this year as well if the line continues to improve. There were still breakdowns but they are obviously more physical than last year. Oh, and the young receivers really impressed me. Davis and Blythe are both tall and athletic. Miller seems like the guy that will make the tough catches. The receivers were supposed to be one of the biggest strengths last year but they really didn't help out the QB at all. There really shouldn't be too much of a dropoff between Danielson, Whitver, and Drop-gomery and Miller, Davis, and Blythe.

So...that brings us to the Iowa game. First, the obligatory Fuck the Hawks. Iowa blew out some horrible Kent State team but their offense still looked like it might struggle to score points. The defense should be really good though. Honestly, I'll be surprised if ISU is close enough to pull off the upset in Iowa City. There's finally some talent on offense and a new attitude but I just think they're still too young to be able to finish a team that's used to winning. However, we still have 5 of the last 6 against them and a three game streak in Kinnick. If you're a gambler the line has Iowa as a 25 and a half point favorite. Yes, you read that right. Based on what I saw last weekend and my gut feeling taking ISU and the points is a stone cold lock. I really don't think Iowa has the offense to score 30 against ISU unless they get a lot of help from turnovers.

So, now I just have to wait out the rest of the work week and get my ass to Iowa City for some partying with Ryan. I have to be there to make sure he hasn't been taken in by the Squawkeye cult now that he's at law school there.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Urgent call to action for NROFCAC members!

Some of you may or may not know that I am the president of the NROFCAC (National Roy Orbison Fan Club Ames Chapter). We do things to celebrate the life and music of Roy Orbison, the man known for such hits as Pretty Woman, Born to be Loved by You, She Cheats on Me, and Only the Lonely as well as his kick-ass trademark glasses. Well, it was brought to my attention by Bonfig the NROFCAC VP that the newsletter hasn't been coming out regularly so I checked for the latest news and found this:

Press Release:

We think it's about time the United States Postal Service issues a stamp commerating American icon and legend Roy Orbison. Hopefully if enough people write in there will be something issued by Roy's 70th birthday. Help us by writing to the Advisory Committee and suggesting Roy as a deserving subject for a U.S. postal stamp.

Citizen Stamp Advisory Committee c/o Stamp Development
US Postal Service
475 L'Enfant Plaza SW Rm 5670
Washington, DC 20260-2433Upon reading this I have two thoughts. First, I wish the good people at knew how to spell "commemorating". Second, why are you still reading this and not writing a letter on behalf of Mr. Orbison?

Here's a quote from an AIM conversation had the other day:

swanysaw72: fox was having a wine and cheese party and i asked if beer and cheetos count as wine and cheese

swanysaw72: they dont, so i decided to be teh DD

Classic Swany right there.

Also, the formatting in this post is all fucked up and I don't want to fix it. GOI.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

To those that understood the last line of the last post

Are you employed, sir?
You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
Is this a.... What day is this?

That's pretty much how I feel all week.

Just in case you thought I was one of the psychotic liberals...

I came across this line in a column on the internet comparing certain Republican actions with what the Nazis did during their rise to power: "Don't get me wrong, I do not equate Bush with Hitler. Bush doesn't have Hitler's charisma, nor is he anywhere close to as intelligent. I am just trying to point out that the United States is poised on a slippery slope and the lesson is there to be read in fairly recent history."

Buuuuurn. Wow, that's hardcore. Anyway, he brings up some interesting points but I get so sick of people trying to bring up comparisons to Hitler and Nazism whether it's Bush or Saddam Hussein. I just think there are just too many differences and it makes what occured under the Nazi regime as more of a caricature of evil which could lead to a desensitization of its true horrors.

I mean, say what you like about the tenets of national socialism, at least it's an ethos.