Saturday, October 30, 2004

A few quick thoughts

The Big House seats over 100,000 people but they can't find a place for their band that isn't half a foot away from the endzone?

Is ISU really one win away from sitting in first place in the north?

What if Culbertsen was kicking against Colorado? Sitting at 5-3 would be pretty sweet right now.

Why do I have to face Peyton Manning in my fantasy league the week he goes against the Chiefs.? He's going to abuse McCleon like Ike did to Tina.

The Chiefs are looking into a temporary roof for Arrowhead to try to get a Super Bowl? Possibly one of the dumbest things I've ever heard of.

The Horseshoe Spatulas show tonight is going to rock my face off.

Big win for the Cyclones

The defense stepped up again with some big turnovers. Curvey had another fumble return making him second on the team in touchdowns, Moser picked off one in the end zone on a ridiculous halfback pass call by the fat man, and Ellis Hobb III finished off the game. We actually found a field goal kicker than can get the ball through the uprights which is nice. No more waiting for Yelk to clean the sand out of his vag.

The downside is that our offense still sucks. It's pretty amazing that we seem to have an irrational fear of crossing the goalline but are still playing for the the lead in the North next week. It's going to be a big game against the Huskers. Unfortunately there's probably going to be about 15 thousand NU fans in the stadium but it will still be fun.

Ann Coulter was pretty much pathetic. Her whole thing was in favor of racial profiling and it was pretty amazing to see the crowd give that a rousing ovation. She tried to be funny but only had one joke that made me laugh (it was about Ted Kennedy) and her arguments really had no logic behind them at all. She accused liberals of resorting to name calling and not making any valid arguments against her besides "stomping their feet like a little girl and saying 'I don't like you'" but she did exactly the same thing. The best part of the night was when she humiliated the head of the ISU Republicans. He kept trying to call on people to ask questions at the end and she snapped at him that she would call on people. Then one person yelled something at her when she avoided the question and she totally flipped out "kick out the hecklers, get rid of them! why are you still standing there? that's your job, walk up and down the aisle and kick them out!" She was totally freaked out about the whole thing. It really annoyed me that she avoided valid questions by latching on to one part of the question and making it sound really dumb. Like the guy that asked why Christian conservatives don't seem to follow Jesus' examples in their social policies comparing them to socialist and quasi-communist. She said "do I think Jesus was a communist? no." while avoiding everything else he said. Then she claimed that another questioner called her "anti-woman" when all she said was that some of her comments could be seen as "anti-woman" which is exactly what they are. Overall it was a pretty pathetic display and if she is the answer to Michael Moore than I feel pretty good about liberalism's place. I still can't believe they spent $15,000 to bring her here when there has to be somebody out there that could actually make some interesting and valid conservative arguments.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Ann Coulter eats babies

The college Repubs and some other groups decided to come up with $15,000 to bring Ann Coulter to speak at ISU to "balance" Michael Moore. So, I decided to go see her in order to laugh and cry at her views. She is seriously one of the scariest people I have ever heard. I'm pretty sure she thinks Pat Buchannen is a pussy. Here are a few of her actual quotes to set the stage for my report afterwards.

"McCarthy's fundamental thesis was absolutely correct: The Democratic Party had fallen to the allures of totalitarianism."

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war.

If Gore had been elected president, right now he would just be finding that last lesbian quadriplegic for the Special Forces team.

Republicans are more simple-minded, but for some things you want to be a little less contemplative, a little less nuanced. In a war against rabid savages trying to nuke Manhattan, you want a policy more along the lines of: Kill 'em!

The ethic of conservation is the explicit abnegation of man's dominion over the Earth. The lower species are here for our use. God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet--it's yours. That's our job: drilling, mining and stripping. Sweaters are the anti-Biblical view. Big gas-guzzling cars with phones and CD players and wet bars -- that's the Biblical view.

Liberals hate America, they hate flag-wavers, they hate abortion opponents, they hate all religions except Islam, post 9/11. Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now.

Being nice to people is, in fact, one of the incidental tenets of Christianity (as opposed to other religions whose tenets are more along the lines of 'kill everyone who doesn't smell bad and doesn't answer to the name Mohammed').

It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted.

Christianity is even more important to me than homosexuality is to liberals - which apparently comes in a close second to defending Saddam Hussein and preaching anti-Semitism.

Name-calling has been the principal argument liberals have deployed against conservative arguments.

OK, this is back to me. Scared yet? God said rape the planet? Our job is drilling, mining, and stripping? I really must have missed that in Sunday School. Come on, First Menno, you haven't been giving me the whole story. So anyway, this woman is seriously unstable and I'm afraid that she seriously might rip somebody's head off. The title of her speech is "How to talk to a Liberal (if you must)". Nice. Dumb bitch.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Vote or P. Diddy will kill you

Uncle Puffy doesn't fuck around when it comes to voting. The latest poll has Bush up 4% on Kerry and even though I think the polls are going to be way off this year you should make sure that he doesn't win Iowa. My mom sent me some stuff she bought at an anti-Bush store in Austin, TX which is pretty good. A bumper sticker that says "One Nation....Under Surveillance" and a button that says "No More Bushit". fyi.

The Red Sox finally won a world series. Will everyone be this sentimental when I'm 80 and we can talk about how the Royals haven't won one in about 75 years? Of course I'm pretty sure that just about half the teams in MLB will have streaks about that long unless baseball pulls its head out or dies.

It's really annoying when you realize that of the people at work that voted it is at least 5-3 for Bush and one of the people voted because she didn't like Kerry's eyebrows. Seriously.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

overrated ten

Why is it that every Saturday I'm forced to choose between a bunch of crappy overrated ten games until the afternoon? Iowa-Penn State, Northwestern-Wisconsin, Indiana-Ohio State??? Ugh, wake me up when the real football starts. Like Iowa State-Baylor. That should be fairly brutal and the possibly the beginning of the end for Danny Mac.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Unemployment among graduating college students has doubled in the last four years. Not that I know from experience or anything....

It was kind of funny today when the right wing talk radio guy was doing his moron trivia where he calls up convienence store workers and asks them easy questions and one of the workers was actually smart. Turns out she was a computer programming graduate but didn't have a job yet. Yep, the economy is doing great. Keep telling yourself that, dude.

And a joke: Pat Robertson recently said that GWB told him that there would be no casulaties in Iraq. The President denies making this statement so you can either believe that right wing religious nutjob....
or Pat Robertson.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

More fun with Bush and God

Pat Robertson on CNN: "And I warned him about this war. I had deep misgivings about this war, deep misgivings. And I was trying to say, 'Mr. President, you had better prepare the American people for casualties.' "
Robertson said the president then told him, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."

Not going to have any casualties? Not going to have any caualties???? Gaaaah! I'm seriously going to freak out.

"I mean, the Lord told me it was going to be A, a disaster, and B, messy," Robertson said. "I warned him about casualties."

I just wish the Lord would make up his mind when he tells these guys stuff. One of my good friends from high school came from a family of super-conservative Christians. I have no problem with their faith but I couldn't help but shake my head when they would tell me how Clinton had a plan in place to remain in power in the year 2000 (it involved using Y2K chaos, etc.) which would jump start the apocolypse when he merged with Israel or some crap. Anyway, who elected them president?

I still wonder how so many people can take Bush seriously?

NY Times article

There is some scary stuff in here. It's super long but an interesting read. Here are a few excerpts:

Bruce Bartlett, a domestic policy adviser to Ronald Reagan and a treasury
official for the first President Bush, told me recently that ''if Bush wins,
there will be a civil war in the Republican Party starting on Nov. 3.'' The
nature of that conflict, as Bartlett sees it? Essentially, the same as the one
raging across much of the world: a battle between modernists and
fundamentalists, pragmatists and true believers, reason and religion. ''Just in
the past few months,'' Bartlett said, ''I think a light has gone off for people
who've spent time up close to Bush: that this instinct he's always talking about
is this sort of weird, Messianic idea of what he thinks God has told him to
do.'' Bartlett, a 53-year-old columnist and self-described libertarian
Republican who has lately been a champion for traditional Republicans concerned
about Bush's governance, went on to say: ''This is why George W. Bush is so
clear-eyed about Al Qaeda and the Islamic fundamentalist enemy. He believes you
have to kill them all. They can't be persuaded, that they're extremists, driven
by a dark vision. He understands them, because he's just like them. . . . ''This
is why he dispenses with people who confront him with inconvenient facts,''
Bartlett went on to say. ''He truly believes he's on a mission from God.
Absolute faith like that overwhelms a need for analysis. The whole thing about
faith is to believe things for which there is no empirical evidence.'' Bartlett
paused, then said, ''But you can't run the world on faith.''


In the summer of 2002, after I had written an
article in Esquire that the White House didn't like about Bush's former
communications director, Karen Hughes, I had a meeting with a senior adviser to
Bush. He expressed the White House's displeasure, and then he told me something
that at the time I didn't fully comprehend -- but which I now believe gets to
the very heart of the Bush presidency. The aide said that guys like me were ''in
what we call the reality-based community,'' which he defined as people who
''believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible
reality.'' I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and
empiricism. He cut me off. ''That's not the way the world really works
anymore,'' he continued. ''We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our
own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will
-- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and
that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of
you, will be left to just study what we do.''


And for those who don't get it? That was explained to me in late 2002 by Mark
McKinnon, a longtime senior media adviser to Bush, who now runs his own
consulting firm and helps the president. He started by challenging me. ''You
think he's an idiot, don't you?'' I said, no, I didn't. ''No, you do, all of you
do, up and down the West Coast, the East Coast, a few blocks in southern
Manhattan called Wall Street. Let me clue you in. We don't care. You see, you're
outnumbered 2 to 1 by folks in the big, wide middle of America, busy working
people who don't read The New York Times or Washington Post or The L.A. Times.
And you know what they like? They like the way he walks and the way he points,
the way he exudes confidence. They have faith in him. And when you attack him
for his malaprops, his jumbled syntax, it's good for us. Because you know what
those folks don't like? They don't like you!'' In this instance, the final
''you,'' of course, meant the entire reality-based community.


In the Oval Office in December 2002, the president met with a few ranking senators and members of the House, both Republicans and Democrats. In those days, there were high hopes that the United States-sponsored ''road map'' for the Israelis and Palestinians would be a pathway to peace, and the discussion that wintry day was, in part, about countries providing peacekeeping forces in the region. The problem, everyone agreed, was that a number of European countries, like France and Germany, had armies that were not trusted by either the Israelis or Palestinians. One congressman -- the Hungarian-born Tom Lantos, a Democrat from California and the only Holocaust survivor in Congress -- mentioned that the Scandinavian countries were viewed more positively. Lantos went on to describe for the president how the Swedish Army might be an ideal candidate to anchor a small peacekeeping force on the West Bank and the Gaza Strip. Sweden has a well-trained force of about 25,000. The president looked at him appraisingly, several people in the room recall.

''I don't know why you're talking about Sweden,'' Bush said. ''They're the neutral one. They don't have an army.''

Lantos paused, a little shocked, and offered a gentlemanly reply: ''Mr. President, you may have thought that I said Switzerland. They're the ones that are historically neutral, without an army.'' Then Lantos mentioned, in a gracious aside, that the Swiss do have a tough national guard to protect the country in the event of invasion. Bush held to his view.

''No, no, it's Sweden that has no army.'' The room went silent, until someone changed the subject.

You're in "what we call the reality-based community"???? Uhh, yeah, that's a good thing. Holy shit. It's called "reality" for a reason and you might want to check into it once in a while. Refusing to believe that Sweden has an army when everyone else in the room is embarrassed for you because you don't know it? This is the man that 50% of our country trusts to lead us into all these wars, etc.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Jon Stewart rules

Here's a video of Jon Stewart bitch slapping the hosts of Crossfire. Great stuff. He even calls Tucker Carlson a "dick".

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Sleep til noon, drink beer, vote for Kerry

That's the slacker mantra for this election according to Michael Moore. He did a fantastic job even though it started an hour and a half late because his plane couldn't take off in Wisconsin. It was nice to see someone so passionate about this election and understands how much is at stake. People could actually die based on who wins this thing. We can continue with Bush and the neo-cons policies of war, destruction, and attempting to fundamentally change our country and how it relates to the rest of the world.

One of the most powerful moments of the speech was when Moore discussed the 20 seconds of F911 that he says upsets conservatives the most when he shows the Iraqi children playing before the war. I'll paraphrase what he said: I was trying to show that these are actual people with souls. God made them and loves them just like you or me. The Pentagon admitted that it was 0 for 50 in hitting their targets during the first part of the war. Those bombs landed on innocent people like these and they had my name on it and they had yours.

It is so true that our complicit actions make us responsible as well. I've thought about my vote for Nader in the 2000 election and I don't feel any regret for that but it's time to realize that my vote will have major consequences and the people in power are attempting to change everything that we know about this country. There was a Nader heckler that Moore debated for a little bit and brought up a lot about it. One other funny part was a Bush heckler at the beginning. Moore told him that since he supported Bush and his policies so much that he had an army registration form for this kid to sign. He was all cocky and went to get it but of course left early before Moore could get the form from him. Just another asshole that wanted to run his mouth but won't back any of it.

Anyway, vote for Kerry. Don't let Iowa be a red state on the 2nd.

In other, much less serious news I fucking hate field goal kickers just about as much as Bush. Tony Yelk is too much of a pussy to kick even though the trainers say he can so this walk-on freshman misses two 25 yard field goals. He's less than 50 percent on the year and he's barely over that for extra points. How is that even possible? Then this damn Tynes for the Chiefs misses a chip shot field goal and an extra point. At least I can officially give up on both seasons again. Holy shit, is it that hard to find someone that can kick the ball? Seriously.

Vote Kerry.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

The Rockingest Day in History

Today was quite possibly the rockingest day in the entire recorded history of humankind. And since the timespan of recorded history predates rock by several thousand years it has a pretty good chance of being the rockingest of all-time. Jake and I are called out to the field station to treat seed which requires lab coats which always rock. It was two for Tuesday on 94.9 so you know it's going to be pretty solid on the music scale. They start us off with a 20 song rock block including songs that did nothing to disuade the notion that we were going to rock. "There's only one way...there's only one way to rock!" "I love to rock!" "I won't back down, no I'll stand my ground", etc. We were busting out some of the meanest air guitars ever seen, some of the best AC/DC screams, even some air flute with a Jethro Tull two-fer. We decided that "Freebird" was the best air guitar song and AC/DC was the best overall air guitar band. Anyway, we rocked so hard that the morning flew by. The afternoon was a lot more of the same even though Matt showed up and couldn't quite rock like we were but he tried, sort of. I'm pretty sure our boss hates us and will never let us work together again but he isn't familiar with the concept that rocking makes us work harder. Oh, and Jake worked the entire afternoon wearing tinted safety glasses, his lab coat, neon ear plugs hanging off his ears, and an air filter. He totally rocked.

After work we decided to dump my trash at the old No Fun Zone on Welch because I haven't gotten around to ordering trash service and the fattest raccoon I've ever seen keeps dumping it over and trying to eat my Taco Bell wrappers. I'm wearing my disguise of the tinted safety glasses I stole from work, a stocking cap, and my hood up. Jake just has his hat on but as the getaway driver that's all he really needs. Unfortunately there were too many people in the parking lot and everyone was staring us down because the pickup is so loud and I look like the Unabomber so we had to bail. Then in the alley ahead of us is an unused dumpster. I leap out and start dumping my two cans but one of them has rotten milk and water all over so it's leaking and smelling like total ass. I throw the cans back into the pickup and jump in as Jake is driving away. We rolled around the corner as we ditched out disguises on the floor and made for a different route on the way back to the rendevous point of my place. I think we're in the clear as long as somebody doesn't call in his license plate. If they do we're just going to have to go shoot the place up to show that we run this town and illegal dumping is our racket.

Don't let anyone ever say that we didn't rock as hard as humanly possible today. We rocked you like a hurricane! Bitch!

Monday, October 11, 2004

Weekend Update

Greetings and salutations. My weekend was pretty solid and there were some funny/random events. I ran into my boy Adam R and we had a good discussion about various things so here's a shout-out to him and his good stories about K-State football. The thing about this event is that even though I never went to Bethel I still managed to see about 8,000 people I know so most of my time is spent walking 5 feet, stopping and talking for 20 minutes. Repeat. That's the Mennonite way. It's time for lunch and after discussing the unbelievable fact that they serve borscht instead of verenike in the gym we were off to find the stand that does serve it. For those unfamiliar with my ethnic heritage verenike is sort of like a dumpling with cottage cheese inside and smothered in white gravy and ham. It's quite possibly the tastiest food ever made and normally I can throw down upwards of 10 or 15 of them in a single sitting (which makes the $10 all-you-can-eat buffet at the Breadbasket totally worth it). While in line I run into former high school classmate and always superstar Garry so I leave the ordering of the verenike to my mom which turned out to be a critical error in judgement. They had run out so we had to wait while they went to get more which made her think that the people behind me wouldn't get any unless I was limited to two. Two verenike? That's it? Screw the people behind me, it's their fault if they don't get any. So, I spent the rest of the day hungry and trying to think of ways I could get back to the stand before I had to go to the play but it never happened. VERY disappointing.

The play was very funny and all the actors did a fantastic job. I was just a little bit leery but it really made me laugh and was well worth it. After that we went to the football game where the Threshers crushed the Swedes of Bethany. It was actually kind of funny watching my dad get updates on the KU-K-State game because he was predicting a 21 point win for the Cats. After the first update he was a little worried but then got pretty cocky again after the KSU went up. He's making jokes with my friend Adam about whether Mangino would be fired or drop dead on the sideline within two years, etc. Next thing he knows KU's up by 10 and he's getting pissed. I don't really care one way or the other about KU-K-State anymore but Wildcat football fans can be a little arrogant at times (although they still can't quite compare to a lot of KU basketball fans).

After the game we went to some party which ended up being really packed. I'm feeling pretty good after doing some partying on the roof of the school library. Yeah, tough to imagine that happening at ISU. Anyway, all the sudden people from every facet of my life start showing up at this party. Hey, there's the girl from church that was in Junior High when I graduated. Hey, there's my cousin. Hey, there's another junior high girl from church with her cousin that was in my high school class. Hey, there's my pastor's kid. I wasn't really in much of a mood to make small talk but I tried. Really, it was fun except for a few issues that I need to address.

Now, I'm not ripping on BC because I had a really good time there but they just need a few tips on how to throw a great kegger. I spent a lot of time around a keg my first few years here and it's the little things that make a difference. First off, having two kegs tapped is nice but not when you only are getting two and not when they are 5 feet away from each other. I think both of them were gone by 11:30 or so. Second, some attention needs to be paid to the location of tables, benches, and couches. A well-placed couch can allow for public make-out sessions or pass-outs but a crappy couch just makes it impossible to get down a hallway. Third, if you're at a party don't start yelling at someone because they're from the north side of San Antonio, not the south side. There's seriously about 2,387,902 better things to fight about than that. At one point there was some drama starting about every five minutes and the girls in the house were crying and getting in fights with other girls. Then the cops showed up and half the people absolutely freak which is really the worst thing to do in the situation. I was talking with Lauren, Rachel's roommate, in the backyard about that and she calls some girls name. The girl turns around and says,"I have to get the fuck out of here!" and runs off. Lauren: "nevermind." That cleared about half the people out which made it bearable to move but I still had no alcohol, a limited number of people to talk to, and one drunk sister. Oh, and newly single Rachel had a group of guys hitting on her all night which isn't really a big deal for me to see (although you really see through a lot of guy bullshit when he's trying to hook up with your sister or something) but I didn't really want to make things awkward for her by hanging around too much. After some more near fights the cops show up again and he's spotlighting everyone and shining his headlights into the yard but never actually does anything. He seriously stood within a few feet of the porch for 45 minutes watching everyone party. I've never seen anything like it.

Overall it was a lot of fun but the last few hours where I was sober and didn't have that many people to talk to sucked but that's always sort of how it is when you're the outsider. I did get to take a romantic walk back to the mods with Lauren, who also happens to be my good friend Adam's fiancee. Yeah, that's right Adam. You'd better watch your back. Good times, good times.

Dazed and Confused If I actually was one of the names of the people in the movie I'd be thanking him, not suing him. That's so cool there actually is a Wooderson, Slater, and "Pink" Floyd. These guys are major whiners, I think.

Ahman Green you suck so bad and are going to kill my fantasy team again this week. Emmitt Smith should not be my highest scoring running back when I have Green and Corey Dillon. This is unacceptable.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

where am i?

Never writing in this apparently. I've been running around like a madman this last week and will continue to do so. Highlights include 14 hour workdays due to crappy planning by my bosses, Vote for Change concert, and playing with my new trucks. I'm off to Kansas this weekend for some Fall Fest action which is something I haven't done since I was in high school probably. I'll see Rachel in a play and eat some (read: supremely unhealthy amounts) of verenike among other exciting events in the Inman and Newton areas.

These damn Japanese beetles have invaded Ames and my apartment again. How the hell do they get in here? Little fuckers.

I'll give a report on the weekend as well as the concert later but I'm falling asleep right now.

Monday, October 04, 2004

classic monday night football moment

Alleged murderer Ray Lewis telling alleged drug trafficker Jamal Lewis to "put the court case and everything on your shoulders. That's how I rolled with mine." I can't believe I was actually sick of Ray Lewis miked up.

What a class organization. At least the Chiefs cut Bam Morris when they found a hundred pounds of weed in his trunk or whatever.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Long overdue regognition

The inventors of the combover and karaoke and researchers of the five-second rule and the effect of country music on suicide rate won Ig Nobel Prizes given out by former Nobel Prize winners. They're given to inenvtions and science research that makes you laugh or is a little off the wall. Where would the world be without karaoke or the combover? I don't know but I don't want to think about it.

George Bush: Still Misleading

I only caught part of the debate but it sounds like Kerry did very well while Bush seemed confused and angry when confronted with the facts about our current situation. It's a little different when he doesn't have neo-cons feeding him their BS and creating a fantasy world where bin Laden is not a threat anymore because we've "liberated" Iraq. Watch the web video of part of the debate that helps show the president's thought process and some of the problems with the war in Iraq. It's just amazing watching Bush roll his eyes and sigh when Kerry won't let him get away with attempting to link Iraq with September 11 in the minds of the voters. Finally someone is calling him on this BS. With a strong victory in what was supposed to be Kerry's weakest debate should help bring him back up from the bounce Bush received after his convention. It's still going to be a dogfight and the last day to register in Iowa is the 18th. Get on that because we're going to need every vote possible to win the state for Kerry.

In local news I'm hosting a bonfire in my backyard tomorrow. It's not going to be very big but it should be a good time sitting around a fire shooting the shit. If you are reading this and I haven't invited you you're probably welcome anyway I just forgot about you. Call if you have any questions.

The Vanderslice show was really good even if he didn't play Keep the Dream Alive. I liked the 2nd band a lot too. Good times.