Friday, April 29, 2005

Comedy Break

Two posts in 24 hours. "He's heating up!"
THese are a few things I found on a website someone sent me. Enjoy.

"[George W. Bush] would have made a terrific Elk's Club president, and I am sure he would have done well if he were in charge of the Rotary. Hell, let's just put him in a rotary and let him go around and around and around until he's as dizzy as the rest of us are. That seems to be the only thing most of our presidents are qualified for, anyway.

Where do I begin, and will this ever end? He has uttered banality after banality, in these most serious of times, with a self-confidence that borders on the delusional. Apparently he feels self-confidence is a substitute for intelligence. If you listen to him tell it---and I know that's a chore---he has never made a mistake. For God's sake, what more can we ask of him?

He stumbled with a purpose into a war in Iraq and had absolutely no plan for what to do afterward. And no one even called him on until it was too late. He photo-opted himself onto an aircraft carrier just weeks after the war, appearing in front of a huge banner that read MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. The irony of it all just kills me.

In my lifetime I have gone from John F. Kennedy to John F. Kerry, and from Dwight D. Eisenhower to George W. Bush. If that's the evolution of leadership in this country, in just a few more years we'll all be voting for plants. Which might not be so bad. After all, thanks to their ecological purpose in this world, at least plants try to clean up the air. And that would certainly be an improvement over what we've got now."
Lewis Black

"I have a friend who’s collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He’s down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I’m sure they’d give him a raise."
Jerry Seinfeld

"Strange times we live in. A town in Florida with a street named Gay Avenue is changing its name because a resident says people automatically thought he was gay. He wants the new name of the street to be I Ain’t No Homo Lane"
Conan O'Brien

"Ever get stuck walking behind old people in a crowd? No matter how hard you try you can’t get around them. Then out of nowhere, they just stop, like their batteries went dead. It’s like they have a sixth sense about getting in people’ way. They should be guarding Jordan."
Drew Carey

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Back by popular demand....

...Life in the Basement.

Often in life people choose to blame certain actions they would rather forget on being drunk. I'm no longer one of those people. Sure, I've had my share of embarrassing drunken moments but there came a point when those became my best stories. There's nothing like getting together with friends and talking about the time that we pissed out of the 5th floor windows in the dorms, kicked the shit out of Cartman, or made out with Gangsta Bitch Barbie. To most people public urination or random vandalism on a shopping cart used by many people on your dorm floor or making out with a huge skank wouldn't be the makings of a good story but people my age (and maturity level) aren't most people. Well, I'm still embarrassed about GBB so maybe that's a bad example. But, the point of all of this is that I was way too sober in my last post. What a rambling piece of unfunny crap (most of my rambling crap is supposed to be funny).

Sports Desk
The Royals are absolutely horrible. I've tried to not pay attention to them but those goddamn Twins fan keep bringing up horrible one run losses allowed by an error or a rookie relief pitcher. I knew the ROyals were going to suck. I figured they would lose 100 games. I didn't figure they'd be this bad but it's not a big surprise. Honestly, they are so young that they really are a AAA team. Some of these guys are going to be good. Their three young pitchers are locked up for a long time and they are going to be a really good starting trio. But now, this team blows. Worst offense ever. Where have the good days gone?

Re-gie! Re-gie! Vintage REggie Miller so far in the playoffs. He's knocking down threes and scoring 15 in the 4th to win games. This guy has to be one of my all-time favorite NBA players. Here's my team of favorite players based on an unscientific method of being good, playing on a team that I liked, and stuff like that.

PG John Stockton - The Pasty Gangsta. The best point guard in the NBA. Ever. Stockton to Malone. Never has a more perfect pick and roll been executed.
SG Reggie Miller - Ice water in his veins. No one was better in the clutch. His games against the Knicks and Bulls made me into a Pacers fan. It's unfortunate that the best player he played with on some of those potential championship teams was Rik Smits.
SF Detlef Schrempf - Basically, he is what it would look like if I had the talent of an NBA player. We're twins.
PF Karl Malone - I'm Kahl Mawone. Sure he was dirty and let Rodman in his head but he had huge arms.
C Kevin Garnett - Is a center? Dunno but he's a stud. He needs some help in Minnesota.

The bench:
PG Jamaal Tinsely - JT. Nuff said.
SG Fred Hoiberg - Need the best shooter in the NBA coming off the bench to drain some threes.
G Allen Iverson - Everyone hated him for his tats but he is a tough monkey. Oops, that's what almost got Rafferty or Packer fired for saying about him back in the day. Racial comments suck by the way.
C Shawn Bradley - He was eating like 200000 calories a day and was still 105 pounds. What a speciman.
Commentator Marv Albert - YES! And it counts!
Coach The Van Gundy Bros. Stan looks like a porn star, Jeff looks like Balky. It's a sitcom come to life.

Friday, April 15, 2005

On Riots

This weekend would have been VEISHEA here in Ames were it not for the riot. If you weren't around VEISHEA is the big spring festival at ISU with lots of crap going on around campus and stuff. My first year at ISU it really sucked because someone had been stabbed to death at a party two years before and the police were really cracking down on parties so everyone left town for the weekend. But, last year seemed like the first year that everyone was back into it again and campus was full of people doing the stuff in the day and there were some massive parties and packed cars at night. One party in particular turned ugly when it got too crowded and cops moved in with riot gear forcing everyone the two blocks to a packed Welch Ave full of bar goers. Things turned ugly and a few people started breaking shit which led the cops to go after the huge crowd of people watching instead of the dudes tearing down the light post fifteen feet away. I was oblivous to all of this until I came out of Lumpy's and started walking up the street towards my apartment when I realized I was behind police lines. I realized this when we tried to explain to the officer that we were trying to get to our apartment and he kindly helped us out by shooting his pepper spray at us. This was basically par for the course the rest of the night as I saw the cops spray a guy in the eyes and hit him in the legs with their baton for walking instead of running away from the crowd when the police charged and another group of cops run fifteen feet to spray some people standing on the steps of the building.

So, that was a long recap for most of you that already know the story but I like to tell it. Anyway, after much discussion some good and some bad things have occured. VEISHEA isn't going down this year but will be back next year. Fortuantely, some have discussed that the alcohol ban on campus may have an effect on driving people to house parties which get out of control. Personally, I don't think it will have a major effect but the ban did have negative consequences by creating an us vs. them mentality among students and authority (police, university, city of ames). I don't believe that any of the causes of the riot will truly be eliminated until this idea is gone. The City Council has made some really bad decisions designed to eliminate some of the drinking and "ghetto neighborhoods" that the residents see. I understand their concern but doing these things without input from student has a counter-productive result.

Did I have a point to this? NOt really I guess but as a former student and current resident of Ames I think there are some good things happening with increased communication between these groups. I just think that if you let the students get wasted where they want to they'll leave you alone. Pretty simple stuff.

Italian soccer fans took things to a pretty impressive level this week when they rained the field with lit flares hitting one of the players and making it look like Welch Ave during Veishea. Some photos here. In other Champions league news the anticipated Liverpool-Juventus second leg occured in Italy. THis was the first time the teams have played since Liverpool charged Juvy fans leading to a wall collapse and 40 or so dead soccer fans. The Juventus people responded to reconcilliation efforts from Liverpool by attacking police, Liverpool fans, throwing shit, etc. Usual hooligan stuff. Although the Pistons-Pacers game may have been the craziest scene in US sports the Euros still have us beat for continuous violent action.

Poland pulled their troops out of the coalition in Iraq. No longer can Bush say "you forgot about Poland." I guess they forgot about you.

In my own news I'm having my a party on the 22nd. You're invited. Keg beer, bonfire, good times. Pretty solid chance you'll see me wasted so that's always a plus.

This was pretty rambling, not that entertaining, but always long. Just what you expect from a high quality blog like my own.