Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Bush was Right!

No, I haven't been abducted by Homeland Security. It's the title of a new song that some right wing group is trying to get onto MTV.

Much like the white supremacists did with Prussian Blue the conservatives are taking to the airwaves to get their message across.

The Right Brothers (what a clever name) have a new single called "Bush was Right" that basically says, well, Bush was right. Here's what they said in their email:

This is what the youth in America need. They’re already bombarded with songs on the radio and videos on MTV that trash our President, conservative beliefs, and traditional American values. From “Mosh” by Eminem, to “Idiot Son of an A**hole” by NOFX… all of these songs serve to fill young people’s minds with LIES. […]

WILL YOU HELP US? We’re putting together a “kickin’” music video right now, and we’re preparing a HUGE grassroots campaign to get hundreds of thousands of people to request “Bush Was Right!” on MTV’s “Total Request Live” show… leading to our demands for it to be played in regular rotation!

If they DON’T - then we’ll hit the media in a BIG way, showing how MTV plays left-wing videos while CENSORING conservative videos!

First, I love the use of the word "kickin" in quotation marks. I'm a big fan of being "hip" and showing just how "groovy" you can be. "Radical!"

Second, to listen to the MP3 sample go here.

Third, their lyrics are awesome. Just look at some of their song titles:
"The Illegals"
"You Can't Racial Profile"
"Tolerate This"
"Dear Mr. Reagan"
"Trickle Down"

Yes, they actually have a song about trickle-down economics.

"If the rich man didn't spend his cash on cars and boats and planes
There'd be a lot of average Joe's out of work today
His dollar helps America's economy to thrive
The rich man keeps the working man working and alive

Trickle down, trickle down let the money trickle down
It won't do anybody good buried in the ground
Trickle down, trickle down let the money spread around
And one day it'll be my turn and mine will trickle down

If we take away his revenue with taxes that are high
Then he won't take the chance and put his money on the line
But give him the incentive let him reap the benefits
The cash will grow and so it goes and everybody wins

The rich man is the engine of the economic train
So won't you please be careful where you try to put the blame
Some say the rich are selfish that they're only greedy snobs
But when's the last time a poor man gave you a job"

The rhyming scheme in these things is great.
"Well, snobs and job sort of rhymes. Hmm...what rhymes with benefits? Ah, screw it, wins works."

Again, here are some actual lyrics to "Bush Was Right!"

"Ted Kennedy – wrong!
Cindy Sheehan – wrong!
France – wrong!
Zell Miller – right!

Economy is on the rise kicking into overdrive
Angry liberals can't believe it's cause of W's policies
Unemployment's staying down, Democrats are wondering how
Revenue is going up, can you say "Tax Cuts""

Wow, tough to argue with that logic.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

What it means to be "cool"

My parents always told me that it wasn't important to be "cool" if it meant doing the wrong thing. I pretty much ignored their advice and did that stuff anyway but even I never did anything as pathetic as hosting parties for my high school son's friends and getting it on with five of them. Looks like being cool cost this mom 30 years in prison. I guess there really are more important things than popularity.

I was in Ames this weekend visiting Veronica and witnessed a football game being delayed by the mascot of the school playing. Outside of the Miami Hurricanes I don't think this happens very often. On TV once I saw the Ralphie get away at a CU game but I think he just drug one of his handlers the length of the field. One time the Sooner Schooner tipped over on their torn astroturf. Bevo probably just craps on the field. Anyway, none of those things can match an actual Cyclone touching down moments before the Cyclones took on Colorado. I wasn't at the game but I did get to see some rotating clouds roll over the apartment building. If something like this leads to more games like ISU played last week then let's have tornadoes all fall.

Then there's this update on the Welsh rugby fan that actually followed up on his boast that he would cut off his own balls if Wales beat England. The psycho went to take a piss, saw some dull wire cutters next to the toilet, and spent the next ten minutes hacking until he cut off both of them. After this he walked 5 minutes to the pub, held up his testicles, announced "I've dont it", and passed out from blood loss.

Yeah, it's probably not a good idea to cut off your testicles just to prove a point. People will forget about that in a few years and well, you'll still be missing your balls.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Shades of Raffy

There are some products just not worth endorsing.

New spring STDs are out

Gonorrhea is so last year but syphilis and chlamydia are in.

Me? I prefer the retro look of no diseases. Congrats to Mississippi for leading the nation in gonorrhea and chlamydia. You may be last in education but you're tops in the diseased genitalia rankings.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Just wanted to throw this up there

Great picture.

The Cyclones are on a roll after three straight blowout wins (what? ISU blowing out conference teams?) and can still win the North if they beat CU and KU and Nebraska beats CU. Is it probable? No. Would it be fun to see CU choke after ISU let them in the backdoor last year? Yes.

Monday, November 07, 2005


I know that I have some Teen Wolf fans among my readers so I have to pass this link from ESPN's website. It's a scouting report on Teen Wolf's team from the always fantastic McSweeney's.

I've always been a huge Teen Wolf fan. What a fabulous film that really captures the pitfalls and joys of negotiating high school as half-man-half-wolf.

Terrell Owens. Sorry, just had to get that in there.

Most of you may have heard about the two Carolina Panther cheerleaders arrested after having sex in a bar bathroom and getting into a fight with women upset that the two were taking too long in there. Cheerleaders having lesbian sex in a bar bathroom? Where were the Vikings on that one?

The next dumbest thing

ESPN just keeps looking for new ways to screw up a good thing. On the surface it's almost perfect: a 24 cable channel devoted entirely to sports. I mean, it should be almost impossible to blow that but they just keep doing it.

I'll list a few of the things that I hate: the Sunday Night Football announcers, Cold Pizza, Stephen A. Smith, Dick Vitale, Skip Bayless, Skip Bayless' show, Chris Berman saying "whoop" and the "all the way" thing on every other highlight, Chris Berman making Top 10 Plays into the Top 30 moments (this week's number one was a tie between Curtis Martin's 100th TD and some other milestone), the highlight montage featuring the song from the Coors commercial, and ESPN Hollywood featuring AC Slater. I could go on but you get the idea.

Now, they took up a good 4 or 5 minutes with a simulated press conference about the Boston Red Sox. I'm not sure if these are real questions and answers portrayed by actors or if they're just making up what they think they would say but I want it to stop. This is Sunday's Sports fucking Center and you're wasting time with fake press conferences about the Red Sox? There's so much wrong with that I don't even know where to start.

On a Sunday Sportscenter you need to spend like 90% of your show on the NFL. There's only 17 weeks during the regular season and it's the most important league out there. That's your story. Baseball ended a few weeks ago and the Red Sox season was over in the middle of October, why are you talking about them? More importantly, why are you hiring actors to portray this? If spending five minutes talking about the Red Sox is that important right now is there not actual video of a news conference that we can watch? Fake news is not news. People always talk about the insane Boston media that obsesses over every BoSox detail but I'm not even sure that they would be stupid enough to do something like that.

The worst part of the whole deal? The fake Yankee's conference is tomorrow.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

365 Days

Yesterday was the one year anniversary that I made a couple of posts with the titles "Gag", "I just threw up a little in my mouth", and "fuck". This obviously refers to the election. It's hard to believe that year has passed since that brutal day this country put fuckwad back in office. The story after the election was how the 51% of the country that voted for Bush gave him a "clear mandate" and that he intended to use his "political capital".

However, in the year that followed he seems to have overestimated his available funds (much like he has with the national treasury). You see, it's been a pretty crappy year for W. His big plan to screw up Social Security died. It's become clear to the rest of the country what a clusterfuck Iraq is and the claims that THIS is finally the moment we turned the corner and that this REALLY is the milestone are falling on deaf ears. The cronies he's put into power have bungled nearly everything they've touched in blatantly obvious ways.

(Sidenote: new FEMA emails that will make you hate "heckuva job, Brownie" even more. He writes emails about the suits he is wearing, calls himself a "fashion god", asks if he can go home yet, whines that he wasn't done by Labor Day, jokes about needing to be rescued (yes, he really said that), and responded to a report about many deaths in the next few hours by saying "Thanks for update. Anything specific I need to do or tweak?" Oh, and he's still on the government payroll as an advisor despite his "resignation". I will now jam a butter knife into my brain.)

Where was I? Ah yes, Bush's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad presidency. All of these things that so many of us saw 366 days ago are no evident to the rest of the country. His approval rating has fallen to 35%. 31% of people think Iraq was worth it. Mr. Huggable Dick Cheney is pulling a solid 19%. I want to know what Saddam is polling and see if Dick can reach it. Moving on...

Let's play the Feud! We asked 100 people to name the biggest problem facing the United States right now. Survey said:

War in Iraq 21%
Economy and jobs 17%
Terrorism 5%
Education 4%
Gas/oil crisis 4%
Health care 4%
President Bush 4%

It's really kind of surprising that he's only getting 4% but it's still fairly significant in an open-ended question. That 4% was like, fuck it, I'll take all of the above, he's the problem. You know that his entire agenda is fucked when terrorism is just one percent higher than he is. That was his old calling card when things got rough. 9/11, freedom on the march, 9/11, Al Qaeda. Even when Douchebag McGee was indicted last week he tried to make a speech about terrorism but this time no one except Fox News covered at all. That's it! People noticed that you're a fraud! You can't play that card every turn and expect people to buy it.

So, my point is this. Our country has been fucked by these assholes and there's nothing we can do about it now except do damage control. Finally, the Democrats are standing up to his agenda. There was a nice game of trying to control the media last week. Miers steps down, a White House aide is indicted for the first time since U.S. Grant was president, Bush nominates "I own your uterus and civil rights" Alito, the Dems force the Senate into a secret session to push the intelligence committee forward on the investigation into the pre-war intelligence. This is what we need to do. They effectively took control of the agenda. Now, the Rethugs are on defense and can't do anything else.

I'm holding out hope that even if there were another terror attack that the Americans won't be led into another war with Syria or Iran that would force a draft. To do this everyone must be reminded over and over that they lied and misled us into war the first time. The momentum has been stopped, we've hit rock bottom and it looks like we're headed back up. It sure as hell feels a lot better today than it did just one year ago.