Friday, December 30, 2005

Journey sold out

Just a warning that this started out talking about Journey selling out and turned into a post about Bush and torture and all that crap. It used to be fun to rip on Bush but now it just makes me want to throw up. And not in the "I've been slamming keg beers for 8 hours and Swany is throwing snowballs at me" kind of way.

The Klan is protesting gay marraige in Charles City, IA. Is there anything better for whatever is being protested than to have the Klan show up?

I was listening to some guys on the radio who just went to a Journey concert. They said the vocalist looked like Steve Perry, sang like Steve Perry, and was even named Steve O'Jerry. Hey, 80% of our fans are old maybe no one will notice.

Then they said that they tried to make every one of their songs seem like it was written in support of Bush. "Yeah, a lot of people have been talking about campaign finance reform and not allowing people to spend their money how they want. I guess they don't want you to have it ANY WAY YOU WANT IT THAT'S THE WAY..."

Journey, stop destroying your legacy.

Speaking of Bush, is it time to impeach yet? "Constitution? Never heard of it. We must destroy our freedoms to save them. You just don't remember 9-11."

So, if the terrorists hate our freedoms will they love us when we don't have them anymore? Maybe I should give Bush more credit for his impeccable skills in logic.

On a serious note the British ambassador to Uzbekistan released letters he wrote to his goverment informing them that information given to them by the country was being obtained by torture. He mentions children being tortured in front of their parents until they admit to whatever the goverment wants them to. Great to see that we're so willing to go after Saddam for human rights violations but are more than willing to use faulty information gathered by torture to keep the American public in a state of fear. Bush has destroyed all US credibility in human rights and democracy.

So, what's going on in Iraq? The Kurds have openly admitted placing 10,000 soldiers in the Iraqi army that are loyal to the Kurdish militias. The countdown to the civil war is on, can we go home yet?

Ahmed Chalabi, noted Iraqi liar, whose false information was used to help sell the war got his ass kicked in the Iraqi elections but still managed to score a spot as the head of the Iraqi Oil Ministry. But, this war was never about oil...

This post was a downer. Between fake-Journey selling out to Bush and actual Bush allying himself with torturers not to mention an inevitable Iraqi civil war it's tough to remember the good things out there. Like this column detailing how Bush has managed to flagrantly destroy all of those myths about him that many of us already knew.

Heck of a job, Bushie.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Eric Swanson

Crossword Champion. NBA Jam TE Champion. Fantasy Football Champion. Congratulations.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The Chronic- What? -cles of Narnia

Someone sent me this link to a Beastie Boys-esque rap from an SNL sketch the other day. A couple of the lines made me laugh and it gets bonus points for not including Jimmy Fallon or Horatio Sans.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Actual phone conversation I had this morning

Me: "Hello?"
Caller: "Don?"
"Umm, no this is Ben."
"Oh, do I have the wrong cell phone?"
"Yeah, I think you do."
"Oh, well what's Don's number?"
"Umm, I don't know Don."
"Oh, OK. Bye."

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

That dude crazy

There's a couple of break rooms at work and by chance I ended up going to the one that most of the blacks at work go to and I stay there because it's usually a lot more entertaining than listening to a bunch of white women bitch about their kids. It's great because I get to listen in on conversations like this. It starts with my buddy Mark asking about a movie he just saw.

"Man, you ever seen that movie bout that crazy dude? Dynamite something?"
"Nah, man, I ain't seen that. I know what you taking bout though."
"Yeah, man, that dude crazy. My kids be telling me we need to rent that and I'm like, nah, I ain't watching that. Then my brother called me the next day and say man, you gotta watch that movie. That dude crazy. I be laughing my ass off. So I get the movie and watch it. Man that dude crazy."
"Yeah, he be in the lunchroom and he takes his tater tots and put em in his pocket. He be in class taking a test and he opens up his pocket and starts eatin them." (By this point just about everyone in there is laughing their ass off watching this guy describe the scene)
"So, the dude behind him is like 'yo, gimme some of them tots' and he's like 'NO, GET YOUR OWN'! So the dude leans back and kicks the tots!" (more hysterical laughter)
"That dude crazy. Then he wants to ask this girl out so he's talking to the dude about skills and how he's gonna ask her out. So he draws her a picture and man, that picture looked like the boogey man. And he gives it to her! She be looking at it and he's like that's the best picture I ever done. That dude be acting crazy. Ben, what the name of that movie? Dynamite something?"
"Umm, Napoleon Dynamite?"
"Yeah, that's it. Man, that dude do some crazy shit."

Saturday, December 10, 2005


Another ISU-Iowa matchup and another lopsided Cyclone victory.

Adam Haluska wonders where it all went wrong. Apparently the students chanted "You can keep him!" Nice.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Hawkeye Pig Fuckers!

It just doesn't have the same ring to it as when I'm a wasted college kid drunkenly screaming it at Jack Trice Stadium but it needs to be said because the Cyclones and Hawks play their annual hoops game tonight in Hilton.

I wish I could be there to "welcome" Benedict Haluska back to Hilton Coliseum but I'm sure the students will take care of calling him a "liar" and "traitor" for me. Honestly, I can't be too pissed about it because ISU ended up with Rahshon Clark and I'm not convinced that Adam would even be starting in Wayne's system. Clark appears to have "made the leap" and has added a bunch of offense to his already outstanding defense. Plus, I've heard he's thrown down some monster dunks.

But, I digress. I started thinking about the most hated players that I saw play in Hilton. Let's take a few moments to remember the good times we had with these guys. We'll start with some of the minor characters and then move on to the big boys sort of grouped by school.

  • Brian Grawer from Mizzou. I don't even remember why we hated him other than he was a white guy that looked like a vein was about to pop out of his forehead sending blood spurting over the first five rows. It seems like we really got into his head because he couldn't figure out why we booed him every time he touched the ball.

  • Tim Heskett from OU. It was the Big 12 opener right after Christmas break and I drove all morning to just get to my seat for a noon tipoff. This was my sophomore year during the second Big 12 championship season when the students sat behing the visitor's bench but I was in the balcony because I was late. ISU is beating OU and Heskett fouls out. He's hearing it from the crowd that had kind of been on him the whole game (another case of a guy being white and playing basketball. We hate them.). So just as he's sitting down he turns around and flips off the student section. The place wents bananas and I think we might have chanted "Heskett sucks" for the rest of the game.

  • Kirk Hinrich and Nick Collison from KU. The two Iowa boys who left the state to play at KU. They were both booed mightily and heard "sellout" chants through the games. Hinrich got it worse because he actually committed to Iowa State before backing out when Floyd left. That was another situation where it worked out for everyone because without Tinsley we probably don't win the Big 12 twice. Hinrich also got plenty of "Harry Potter" and "Howdy Doody" chants but the best was actually started by Swany and I during our sophomore year. Tinsley was just abusing Hinrich again. JT shot horribly but scraped together 11 points, 11 assists, and 6 steals while Hinrich had 7 turnovers and was generally embarrassed by JT's defense. (On a side note that game featured Sullivan and Power combining to go 10-12 from three including Sullivan's shot from the Iowa State Center logo on a fast break) So, after seeing Hinrich abused by Tinsley again we got the "JT's bitch" chant going culminating with the entire student section mocking him with it as he went to the bench with his 5th foul.

  • Drew Gooden from KU. Besides being a general douchebag he got a chorus of boos after the game where KU broke ISU's five game winning streak against them. That was the forgettable year that featured Jake Sullivan as point guard. KU eeks out a win and Gooden slams the ball to the court and runs out of the arena flipping off the crowd with both hands. Class act.

  • Eric Chenowith. You can't really hate him because his only claim to fame was being wildy overrated. He always had a frustrated look on his face like "Damn, I used to dunk on guys in high school all the time". I'm only mentioning him because the "Chen-o-worthless" chant came through so clearly on TV.

  • Jacob Jaacks. The thug from Iowa that everyone loved to hate. He tried to hurt Fizer in the only game I saw him play. Really only notable because the "Jacob Jaacks Off" sign got on the video board.

  • Pierre Pierce. "Rapist. Rapist." "No means no" It looked like he was about to cry whenever he would shoot free throws and the chants were deafening. I'm not necessarily proud of that one but Iowa shouldn't be proud to have a rapist on their team.

  • DJ and David Harrison. A pretty fun rivalry broke out between CU and ISU because of some chippy games and one famous incident. Eustachy called a timeout and runs onto the court screaming at our players and DJ says "fuck you, Larry". Eustachy, not exactly known for anger management at the time starts towards him. At this point Jared Homan runs onto the court and bumps DJ, David runs in and goes after 6 foot guard Ricky Morgan and the teams had to be seperated. Both Harrisons get teed up and DJ throws his wristband into the crowd while all this was going on. This continues for a few more years and Harrison got it every time he came to Ames, every time he touched the ball, every time he did anything, booooo. Finally after his last game in Ames he called Eustachy a "drunk" and said that ISU fans were "classless" and second only to Kansas in that regard. It's tough to imagine him getting it any worse at Kansas but I would have liked to have seen it.
Can anybody think of any I missed or correct parts of my stories?

A few seperated at birth photos:

Steve Alford and Eddie Munster

Erek Hansen and Kyle from Road Trip

Herky and Herpes


I'm sorry. That was really nasty. I shouldn't put pictures of Herky on my blog.

Go Cyclones! Beat Iowa and celebrate on Welch for me tonight.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Well, you forget all the hidden fees

Remember when spending $87 billion on the Iraq War seemed like a lot and conservatives laughed when some suggested the bill would top $300 billion?

Well, recent war-critic John Murtha added up the current and projected costs. From what I've read Murtha is on the House War Appropriations Committee and has several high-level military contacts, as he alludes to in this quote, so he knows his stuff.

MURTHA: Twenty years it's going to take to settle this thing. The American people is not going to put up with it; can't afford it. We have spent $277 billion. That's what's been appropriated for this operation. We have $50 billion sitting on the table right now in our supplemental, or bridge fund we call it, in the Appropriations Committee. They're going to ask for another $100 billion next year [...]

QUESTION: Can we come back to the $100 billion? You said that you expect the military to ask for $100 billion. Where are you getting that figure?

MURTHA: Where I get all my figures: the military.

So, that's running in excess of $425 billion dollars. What a stunning number considering that money for levees in New Orleans was cut, money for student loans is cut, money for health care, food stamps, or any other program helping the poor is cut. The deficit continues to rise and China continues to give us loans that they can call up at any time. All of this and so much more but we have to spend close to half a trillion dollars on this war. Why?

Weapons of mass destruction? Whoops, there were none.

Save the Iraqis from torture? Whoops, we don't want to make any laws banning torture or let people know about former Soviet gulags reopened in Eastern Europe.

Fight terrorism? Whoops, Iraq has become a breeding ground for terrorists and underground railroads to and from Europe and Arab countries transport and train muslim extremists to kill in their native lands.

Make Halliburton and defense contractors rich? Well, looks like they're doing pretty well.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

"311, I am ready to fight." Scott Stapp

Former "best band ever" Creed frontman Scott Stapp got into a brawl with several members of 311. Supposedly the 311 guys were watching basketball in a hotel bar and alcoholic Stapp stepped in front of them and let loose with the immortal challenge, "311, I am ready to fight."

While many of you would have jumped at the chance to put a beatdown on Scotty just for unleashing Creed upon an unsuspecting nation 311 tried to defuse the situation.

The thing about Creed was that they really kind of snuck up on me. Like, with some bands I can tell right away that they suck. Linkin Park. Sucked. 90% of the bands on the radio. Suck. Creed came out when I was in high school when I was pretty much at the mercy of whatever they played on the local rock station, T-95. T-95 used to be a pretty solid station when I first listened to it and they got me into Smashing Pumpkins, Local H, NIN, Sublime, and others but during my high school years they joined in with the Clear Channel revolution and began playing crappier and crappier stuff but I didn't really notice at the time because that was pretty much my only source for music at the time.

So, Creed comes on the air and I'm like, "hey, this is ok. This song's alright." I don't really remember what song it was because all of them sounded exactly the same and were entirely forgettable. Then the next song comes out and I'm like, "hmm, that sounds kind of the same" but they still played it all the time. And not only that but they played the first song all the time so we were in double Creed mode. Then their next song came out and I'm like "damn, this dude is pretty sappy." So it became all-Creed-all-the-time radio and the cool thing to do was rip on Creed even though apparently everyone in the entire country was requesting this shit.

So, Creed sucks. We know that now.

Where were we? Oh yeah, Stapp has been sent away by 311 because apparently they are not ready to fight. So, Scott decides he's going to head up to the bar to take another shot and then smashes his shot glass on the bar. Uh oh, looks like we've got some rage-ahol flowing through his veins. Being the "Christian role model" that he is Scott heads over to start hitting on some guys wife and making lewd comments to her at which point the beatdown commences.

Is it really any surprise that Scott Stapp would be that annoying drunk guy that's always looking to fight somebody over something totally ridiculous? Yeah, show that shot glass who's in charge. It just sounds like some asshole frat guy stumbling around outside another frat yelling, "I'm gonna kick yer ass, ATO's. Fuck you, man! Come fight me, I'llkickyerasses" Sure thing, dude.

Shave those sideburns, Mattingly.

I was reading the recap of the Iowa State-Drake game from last night and happened across this photo of Drake player Chaun Brooks. The first thing I thought of was Ken Griffey, Jr. after a few drinks of his Brain and Nerve Tonic in the classic Simpsons' episode "Homer at the Bat".

Okay, let's go over the ground rules.
You can't leave first until you chug a beer.
Any man scoring has to chug a beer.
You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings.
Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.

Hey, we know how to play softball.

Party incident

I was at a party at some of Rachel's friends' house. Veronica was in town and we were having a good time. I wasn't "tore up" as Meatwad would say but I was feeling pretty good by the end of the night. We were on our way out the door and I had some of the girls' Smirnoffs in my coat pockets since they didn't want to leave them there. I'm on the porch outside and a guy bumps into me causing one of the bottles to fall out of my pocket. We look down and the bottle is cracked and leaking on the porch. The other guy picks it up and stands there with it while it's still leaking onto the porch.

So, I tell the guy "hey, move that over the lawn." Then, this snatch of a girl interjects her opinion, "yeah, like that's his responsibility."
"What? Are you serious? Well, if the bottle would have been in my hand it would have already been over the grass. I can't move the bottle myself if I'm not the one holding it."

She doesn't say anything but Rachel and I were laughing out asses off at this girl and then I told the story like two more times to different people while the girl was standing a few feet away.

But, seriously. What a ridiculous thing to say. Yeah, it kind of IS his responibility since he was the one that was holding the leaking bottle. I don't give a shit that the guy bumped into me but if he's going to reach down and pick up the bottle I'm going to tell him what to do with it if he's standing there like an idiot expecting me to put it back in my pocket or something.

It reminded me of a situation that Swany would get into where this girl would do something dumb and rude and he would spend the next 30 minutes pissing off her and her friends until just before a fight broke out where he would either make peace or just leave. Good times.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

As promised... are a few quick thoughts. Everyone knows that wearing your high school letter jacket when you are in college automatically marks you as pretty much a tool. However, I think I found the thing that might even be worse than that. Putting your high school football decals on the bumper of your car. And I'm not talking about just the main decals but this guy had all of the small stickers he earned while he was a player. Way to go, dude. By trying to tell us how good you were in high school we can see that you're still a loser. Not quite the look he was going for, I don't think.

I started working in the Hallmark factory. It's great. There's a bunch of people working there and we go have rap battles at the lunch cart and Brittney Murphy stops by to see her brother and we...nevermind, that's 8 Mile.

Really, I walk around a lot and push a button that puts cards into a box and then a put a bunch of shit in the computer. It's boring but it's paying my bills right now. Sure glad I have that electrical engineering degree. WTF.

I suppose I should mention something about Saturday's football game but I really can't put together a coherant thought before I start mumbling something about three overtime losses this year and two straight overtime choke jobs with a trip to the Big 12 title game on the line. Way to go, ISU football. Continuing to disappoint.

Multiple posts coming soon...

If you don't know what this is it's legendary douche Jeremy Shockey celebrating what he thought was the winning field goal. Whoops, guess he missed it.

Hey, I have multiple ideas for new posts. Look for them soon.