Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Big Ben

Alright, I've got some pics of Ben Roethlisberger getting tanked at a party. First, well done, Ben. Second, did he win the drinking champion award already and I was unaware?

Math is fun

Monday, January 30, 2006

At least they waited until after this weekend to tell me

Some scientists say that heavy consumption of alcohol causes cancer. Well, I'd say after our get-together in Ames this weekend I should begin stockpiling my chemo now. Dear Make-a-Wish, my final request is more booze.

However, don't give up hope yet.

"Total avoidance of alcohol, although optimum for cancer control, cannot be recommended in terms of broad perspective of public health, in particular in countries with high incidence of cardiovascular disease," Boffetta said in a report in The Lancet Oncology journal.

Instead, the scientists said men and women should limit how much alcohol they drink to reap the benefits but avoid the dangers.


Sweet, so I get cancer but no heart attacks? Push!

Friday, January 27, 2006

Speechless

I really am speechless after viewing what I just viewed. I'll just leave you the option of watching it but I'll issue a stern warning that watching this while you are under the influence of strong acid might be a really bad idea. Wow. Just amazing. As the guy says, prepare to have your socks rocked or die from an overdose of awesome.

Also, a Kiefer Sutherland update. Last you heard he was drunkenly tearing down Christmas trees. Now he is wandering into bars at 9 am on Sunday morning demanding to be served. When he was given the bill he said his wallet had been stolen but he would come back to pay later. At this point,
"He started to go into a series of karate kicks in the middle of the floor while the bartender, waitress and several customers looked on," a source reports. Thankfully, a star-struck fan agreed to buy him several J&B's on the rocks. After devouring a plate of chicken wings and littering the floor with bones, the star left without tipping.


I guess the stress of saving the world that many times has finally caught up with old Jack.

Bloggies

Once again the Bloggies decided to snub the Basement. Oh well, maybe next year.

But, I was perusing and found a few interesting sites. The first is Overheard in New York. This is right up my alley. I mean, is there anything better than reading random conversations that people overhear and then send into this blog? And especially in NYC there's some awesome lines.

Hipster guy #1: No way! I thought I passed you the other day, but thought, "Nah, it couldn't be him, he wouldn't grow his hair that long."
Hipster guy #2: Yeah. No. I grew it out, man.
Hipster guy #1: You look like Axl Rose!
Hipster guy #2: It's more of a Southern rock thing really. Like a My Morning Jacket look.

Guy: They had to cut off my favorite jeans, and my Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! hoodie. I was pissed, man. I made that thing myself. I put the pixelated blood on it and everything. I would have said
something, but you know, I was kind of unconscious.

Hobo: Hold the train! I'm just going to go get some sugar for my coffee!

Then there is Bad Astronomy, a science blog focusing on astronomy. I saw a post that reminded me that the smallest planet outside of our solar system was discovered. It's still 5 times the size of Earth and way, way too cold to support life but the fact that it was that small and found 25,000 light years away is promising for finding more using this fairly new technique.

PostSecret, a kind of artsy type site where people send in a postcard with a secret on it.

Cute Overload. These pictures even made Saddam go, "ohhhhh." Perfect for people that love to look at pictures of sleeping baby animals all day. Seriously, a picture of four kittens sniffing the carpet has 52 comments. Sickeningly sweet.

Anyway, I think that I got screwed along with Nerd Heaven, in the "Blog that Sorority Girls Won't Understand" category, and Hawkeye Hoops, for "Best Blog about a Really Lame Subject".

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Get your media players fired up

Paul hates it when I make several posts in one night so here's another one.

I got these from ESPN's Sports Guy links so if you went there you've seen them but there were some quality vids.

First, a movie preview that should be pretty sweet. I'd go see it.

Second, this is apparently a pro wrestling fan that takes it just a little too seriously. Caution: disturbing images inside.

Weird stat

ISU is 1-6 on Saturdays (including 1 exhibition game), including home losses to EA Sports, Iona, and Fresno State. The same team is 6-1 on the road including 6 of the last 8 conference games (after the 3 year losing streak). Am I in Bizzaro World? Did someone place a counterspell on Hilton Magic?

I'll be in Ames this weekend for the game but it could be trouble at home and on a Saturday. But, it's nothing several Clone Cones won't be able to fix.

How big did you say that pile of coke was??



Suck it, Mizzou.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Patrick Duffy, Full House, TGIF. A rambling series of loosely-connected thoughts

What do you think Patrick Duffy thinks about his career? At work today I was thinking about what he would consider his greatest acting achievement. Yeah, it gets really boring there.

To those of us in our 20's Patrick Duffy is synonymous with "Step by Step" on the legendary ABC's TGIF. If you look at his resume clearly his biggest role was on Dallas which was before my time but I've heard that show was pretty popular or something. So, it's the 80's, Patrick Duffy is riding high, probably snorting coke off of hookers or whatever they did back then when they were on a hit show about Texas oilmen. Then, the show ends and he's kind of at a loss what to do but he jumps right into Step by Step. An interesting career choice, no? He's moving beyond the primetime soap operas to cheesy Friday night sitcoms although this show clearly had the biggest star power with Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers, who also had a legendary television show under her belt (Three's Company).

Now, this brings me to an interesting sidebar. You might be saying, wait, look at all the stars Full House had. Or you might not be saying that but it's worth pointing out that Full House was huge for it's time and some of it's stars hit it big with the "home video" craze that swept the nation. It was at this point that Bob Saget was doing coke off of hookers because this is what people that narrated funny videos in the same high-pitched voice did at that time. Where was I?

Ah, yes. Examining whether Full House brought more star power than Step by Step. John Stamos was on General Hospital and a couple of very forgettable TV shows. Bob Saget, nothing notable. The kids, nothing yet. Lori Loughlin, an after school special called "No Means No". Never heard of it but it sounds awesome. Totally awesome. Can you rent those somewhere?

Now, this leads me to Dave Coulier who did some stuff in Canada and maybe on Nickelodeon but the interesting thing about him is that he did voices on episodes of the Jetsons, Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo, Muppet Babies, the Real Ghost Busters, Slimer! and the Real Ghostbusters, and Rude Dog and the Dweebs. What a lineup! I mean seriously. I loved Muppet Babies, Ghostbusters (with and without Slimer), and Rude Dog. Well done, Dave. He was also credited as "Frat Dude" in an episode of Newhart.

If you're still with me you're either really bored or wondering where I'm going with all of this. Clearly, Step by Step had more star power going into each show's debut season but I contend that the success of Full House really made it ok for a guy like Patrick Duffy to move straight from Dallas to TGIF.

Now, let's look at the evolution of TGIF and finish off with my all-time rankings.

It was Fall of 1988. I was 7 years old and really not much of a television watcher but one of the formative television nights of my youth was born.

The original lineup was Perfect Strangers, Full House, Mr. Belvedere, and Just the Ten of Us (JtToU). A lot of people know about Mr. Belvedere but it was never a huge hit and was gone the next year. Full House was in its second year and starting to become a hit but Perfect Strangers was the anchor. JtToU was apparently a spinoff of Growing Pains. I don't remember this show at all.

The next year the lineup is starting to take shape with Full House, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers, and JtToU. It's a little-known fact that Family Matters was actually a spinoff of Perfect Strangers. Harriet Winslow was a co-worker of Balki and Larry. Urkel was introduced halfway through this first season and immediately became a star. We all remember how it was a major insult to be called Urkel and everywhere you went people were saying "Did I do that?"

The next few season introduced Dinosaurs, Step by Step, Boy Meets World, and Hangin' with Mr. Cooper. The lineup of Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Step by Step, and Mr. Cooper lasted for three years and could be considered the best lineup.

TGIF seemed like it was on top of the world but problems would start to crop up when two new shows appeared, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Clueless. BMW and Sabrina would continue strong with a rotating cast of shows before TGIF ended in 1999. Fortunately, by that point I had long stopped watching those shows and started some form of social life. Seriously, I did. Do you really think I stayed home on Friday watching Clueless? No, I didn't! Seriously.

Now for my all-time TGIF rankings. The shows are ranked on a variety of factors including my own personal preference, if the show was popular, the effect it had on TGIF, etc.

1. Full House - It basically started the whole thing.
2. Family Matters - With Urkel and the very underrated Carl Winslow you can't go wrong.
3. Boy Meets World - The thing about Topanga is you could never decided if she was really hot or if she really wasn't. Quality show when it was on TGIF.
4. Hangin' with Mr. Cooper - Coop! Remember the animated neon lines during the scene changes?
5. Perfect Strangers - Get out of the city! Good show but honestly, I didn't even remember it was on TGIF.
6. Dinosaurs - Didn't last very long but was pretty funny. Not sure it was a good fit on TGIF.
7. Step by Step - I watched this show but it never had the same effect that the rest did.
8. Sabrina - I will unfortunately admit that I did watch this show once in a while when I didn't go out on Fridays. It was pretty dumb.
9. Mr. Belvedere - didn't really watch it.
10. Clueless -sucked, I think. I don't really remember watching it.
11. The Hughleys - TGIF was fading and even the Hughleys couldn't save it. Haha.
12-17. Going Places, Baby Talk, Camp Wilder, You Wish, Teen Angel, Odd Man Out - Apparently these shows were on there at some point.

So, there you have it. Totally worthless and I wasted 45 minutes on it. Welcome to the Basement.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Next Blog

I can't sleep so I've been hitting through the "Next Blog" button and leaving random comments. I found some pretty amusing ones but one that I really found funny was a blog called zhihui. I'm guessing it's from someone from China that doesn't really know English that well, especially spelling certain words, but this led to something that I think is pretty funny. The one and only post says:

Hi !! Start your massage here! All are welcome!

欢迎光临来到我的blog!!!


So, I thought it would only be polite to request my massage. I can't believe I found my first online Asian massage parlor. How much for the happy ending?

???????blog!!!

Bwahahaha....best story ever



BEAVER FALLS, Pa. (AP) -- A 17-year-old high school student said he was humiliated when a teacher made him sit on the floor during a midterm exam in his ethnicity class -- for wearing a Denver Broncos jersey.

The teacher, John Kelly, forced Joshua Vannoy to sit on the floor and take the test Friday -- two days before the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Broncos 34-17 in the AFC championship game. Kelly also made other students throw crumpled up paper at Vannoy, whom he called a "stinking Denver fan," Vannoy told The Associated Press on Monday.

Kelly said Vannoy, a junior at Beaver Area Senior High School, just didn't get the joke.

"If he felt uncomfortable, then that's a lesson; that's what [the class] is designed to do," Kelly told The Denver Post. "It was silly fun. I can't believe he was upset."

Vannoy was wearing a No. 7 Broncos jersey on Friday, because he is a fan of John Elway, the Broncos' retired Hall of Fame quarterback.

Vannoy said he was so unnerved he left at least 20 questions blank on the 60-question test, and just wants out of Kelly's class because he's afraid the teacher won't treat him fairly now that the story reached the media.

"I'm going to have to deal with him for two more nine weeks [school quarters] and he's going to want revenge somehow," Vannoy said Monday. "I took the test. I'm shaking. I'm furious. I didn't know what to do."

Kelly, who wore a Ben Roethlisberger jersey Friday, and his principal, Thomas Karczewski, didn't immediately return messages left on their school voice mail Monday.

Big Beaver Falls Area School District Superintendent Donna Nugent said she was aware of the situation, but said confidentiality rules prevent her from commenting specifically.

"We'll take whatever action we need to in order for the student to feel comfortable," Nugent said.


Fantastic. I think that all Denver fans should sit in the middle of rooms so we can throw paper at them. This kid just looks like such a tool. If Elway was Horseface this kid is Largemouth Bass Face. This is absolutely the highlight of my day.

Bush and Bin Laden

I read this today:

How do we get from this:

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our Number one priority and we will not rest until we find him!"
- President Bush, September 13, 2001

To this:

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and I really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."- President Bush, March 13, 2002


That's ridiculous. Seriously. Bush pisses me off so much (as if you couldn't tell). It went from "Number one priority" to "not our priority" in exactly 7 months. FLIP FLOPPING LYING SACK OF CRAP! Can we just impeach him now? What has happened that a president will admit illegally spying on American citizens and we aren't at the White House gates with torches? I read in the New York Times today and they were talking about how the Republicans were planning to try to use his illegal spying as an advantage while the Democrats were trying to "frame" it as a bad thing. They aren't trying to "frame" anything. It's illegal!!!! What needs to be framed? It's not about politics or taking down a president because he got head from an intern or anything like that. It's about an incompetant president that broke the law when he invaded Iraq, broke the law when he decided to torture people, broke the law when he decided to keep American citizens imprisoned with no due process, broke the law when he illegally listened to phone calls with no probable cause and without warrants, the list goes on. Impeach his ass!

Bush at K-State today: "You know, it's amazing that people say to me, 'Well, he was just breaking the law.' If I wanted to break the law, why was I briefing Congress?"

You were briefing four people in Congress because you knew they couldn't say anything without leaking national security information. It was the perfect excuse. They could do nothing about it but be pissed off. They couldn't even tell other congressional members without being prosecuted so now when it finally did come out you can say, "but, look, I told Congress." If it was legal then why not just get the warrants? They rubber stamp just about anything but you knew that they wouldn't agree to that so you went ahead and did it anyway.

Every day he finds new ways to piss me off.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Who's the al Qaeda sympathizer?

The right has made some waves trying to compare bin Laden's latest tape to what the Democrats are saying. Basically, they're syaing that because bin Laden and the Dems both disagree with Bush that they are somehow linked or united or whatever. Basically, they're grasping at straws with all of their campaign finance scandals, etc. staring them in the face. But, this is what they have done in the last several elections and the Dems ignored it but it has never worked. We must turn it back on them. I give you this:

"They are vehemently against abortion, they resist progressive woman's rights. They view homosexuality as a crime against nature and God, some advocate the death penalty as an option for it. Separation of Church and State is despised by these folks; they insist the nation is founded on the principles of their religion, and they work hard to bring that de facto theocracy about. They deplore strong language, gay characters, and sexual content on TV and in the media. And they ignore the Geneva Convention when it suits their ideological purposes, including provisions against torture or due process. They're anti-stem cell research, pro-creationism, and generally distrustful of science. These folks are easily whipped into a state of frenzy with ideological manipulation to the point where they will commit violence, or at least tacitly endorse that violence is acceptable, if it advances their Divine agenda. They then take great pains to justify that violence, including unprovoked attack of civilian areas, under certain conditions, with convoluted theological gymnastics. They are almost to the man pro-death penalty ... Am I railing against the religious right again?

Could be, but my target here is actually Al Qaeda and related fundamentalist Wahhabism; the source of terrorism, the scourge of our planet, the Axis of Evil."

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/1/21/224645/582

The Democrats are not the one that support this agenda. They are not the ones that have failed to capture bin Laden. Anytime you hear someone ask why the Democrats are providing bin Laden material for his speeches ask why bin Laden is even giving speeches. Who was supposed to "smoke him out" and find him "dead or alive"? You know the answer to that.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

One more overheard...

...on ESPN (talking about some white guy from Duke): "He is similar to Allen Iverson. (pause) Not in terms of style or skill but his fearlessness."

So, other than having virtually nothing in common they are exactly the same.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Overheard...

...on Sports Radio 610: "Before the season Quin (Snyder) looked tired like something was really wrong. Last night he looked like he was going to fly. I don't know what was up with that."

Umm, I think we all do. Glam drugs, anyone? We've been calling that one since he first came to the Big 12. Where's the coke, Quin?

...on a commercial for a gambling service: "I have isolated my can't miss college football game of the week. You're guaranteed to win with this beauty."

Silly me. I thought the season ended with the Rose Bowl. Or there are enough degenerates that are reduced to gambling on the Blue-Gray game or something. Err, nevermind.

...from a caller to Coast to Coast, the late night conspiracy radio show (the guest and the host are talking about the possibility of a large meteor hitting Earth): "And just look at the moon. Meteors hit that all the time. Just look at all the craters. It's only a matter of time before it happens on Earth."

OK, so is the moon some sort of magnet for meteors or what are you trying to say? I'm pretty sure that those same meteors will burn up in our atmosphere until they are the size of the head of a chihuahua.

...from a different caller to Coast to Coast: "I was thinking about what you were saying about the ranch in Utah? About how suddenly the men with heads of dogs appeared?"

"Sure"

"Well, I was thinking that the Egyptians have those on their pyramids and maybe those are past generations coming back. Maybe those are time travelers from the past visiting....from Egypt."

"....ok."

Haha. Yeah, the dog head people from the past came to visit Earth. I'm sure that the Egyptians were totally accurate when they painted the dog people on the pyramids and those same people somehow travelled through time to visit present-day Utah and randomly appear to cars driving through this ranch or whatever. Makes perfect sense.

Obviously, the callers to this show aren't exactly the brightest.

Seen on a billboard: "Billboards: The Magical Media. Call 1-800-767-8763"

Sunday, January 15, 2006

A couple of notes before I end my NFL Playoff liveblogging (read from the bottom up for a chronological view):

I can't stand John Fox. He looks like a tool the way he's always on the field waving his arms and crap like that.

I haven't seen a worse slide than Grossman's since I was playing baseball in 4th grade.

The Bears' defense sucked today. 21 points should have been enough to win but their defense gave up way too many points and even more yards. Carolina isn't exactly the Chiefs when it comes to running the football but they were able to get a lot of really nice runs to keep drives alive and Steve Smith destroyed the Bears again.

That last 4th down was incidental contact.

Seattle vs. Denver in the Super Bowl.
Peyton Manning once again threw his teammates under the bus after another postseason loss blaming his linemen for protection problems. Well, no shit you had protection problems but the reason teams do that is because you panic and start missing throws just like you did today. You lost the game long before Vanderjagt did and he only had a shot after you had an interception (wrongly, in my opinion) overturned and got a miraculous fumble after you went 4 and out with a chance to tie. If you want to be MVP than you have to make the plays and put your teammates in position for them to make plays. You don't do that and that's why you're 3-6 in the postseason and looking more and more like Dan Marino II.

Bears fans

Thank me later. They did a much better job keeping guys out of Rex's face and he made some nice throws. It's nice to have a ballgame again.
This Bears defense needs to step up before I slap the dreaded "overrated" label to it. Chicago is lucky that Carolina only has 10 points. Urlacher made a really nice play on his pick but they had already given up a lot of yards on that drive. The Panthers are ripping off 5, 6, 7 yard runs right up the middle past Urlacher and Briggs.

I listened to a lot of Carolina fans calling into radio shows talking about their defense being better than the Bears' and right now I'd have to say they're right. Obviously Grossman wasn't going to make their already crappy offense better but he looks like Elvis Grbac used to look in Chiefs' playoff games. If I were a Bears fan (and I am today) I'd be cringing every time he decides to try to float a pass over two defenders from his back foot with a defender in his face. If Chicago is going to put any points on the board today the defense is going to have to get some more turnovers and definitely stop giving up so many yards.
Joe Buck is such a tool.
After that 2 play touchdown drive and the first three Grossman throws is it too late to get off the Bears bandwagon?

I'll stick it out for now but, damn, are you sure you're a 2 seed?

Looks like your idiot kicker screwed you again, Peyton

Or your moronic playcalling. Or the fact that you always choke.

You're carrying that thing like a loaf of bread!

Nice job, Bus. Jeez.

Foosball

Am I the only that thinks that the reason that replay on Poamalu's interception took so long was because Paul Tagliabue was calling the booth saying, "Damn, we really need Peyton Manning in this Super Bowl"? What a BS call. Both his knees hit and he's rolling on the ground getting up but it's incomplete? Umm, ok.

I'm in the bar last night towards the end of the Pats-Donks game and the Patriot fans were so fucking bitter. Cry me a river guys. 3 Super Bowls and 4 years of having everyone suck your team off isn't enough? Of course you could hardly blame them when some loser Bronco fan kept walking by and yelling things like "how bout them Broncos?" Denver fans are such tools. Whoever wins this Steelers-Colts game needs to whip their ass next week so maybe I need Indy to win just so I don't have to hear "In-Com-Plete" from those Elway sucking Denver bitches. Is that guy that wears the orange barrel at their games still alive? I hated that guy.

The best part of the night at the bar was that they played the Chronicles of Narnia rap.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Yep, this is a walkout!

Scab!

No, unfortunately, we aren't really striking but apparently management is combining two plants and there could be layoffs. It pretty much sucks for everyone else but for some reason I don't really give a shit. Maybe it's the whole "I'm quitting in a few weeks anyway so maybe you could give me some sort of termination settlement first" attitude.

It's kind of depressing that some of these people have been doing this same job for 30+ years. I mean, they're making a lot of money for not having a college degree but the price is 30 years of mind atrophying work and carpal tunnel syndrome. But, hey, at least you get a watch when you retire. Although you won't be able to move your elbows or wrists to see it.

Some people kind of scare me when I say that I'm going to more school. Their eyes light up kind of like when Billy Madison is shaking that kid who wants to go to high school except it's "Go back to school! Don't ever come back here! Run away run away!"

Is it really that much worse than the fact that I'll be staring at a microscope for the rest of my life? I mean, sure, I'll be getting paid a lot more and the job will be easier and it will certainly be more interesting than running a card folder every day... What was my point again?

Anyway, off to the factory for the meeting where they're going to tell me that I'm going to be fired so some dude can drive from Leavenworth everyday to do my same boring job and save the company a couple of million dollars. See, the greeting card industry is full of greedy, heartless bastards too. Well, I pretty much figured that out when I was running 20,000 sympathy cards at $3 a pop. Your grandpa's death is our profit margin!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Let's get shit together now

We've got a lot of stuff to cover and not enough time to write it. My head is literally overflowing with things I need to write about and by literally I mean figureatively.

Is there any other word that can so often be used in a way that is essentially the exact opposite meaning? I mean, seriously, how often does anyone actually mean "literally" when they say it? Literally never.

In the past Swany has told me that Horv might be the biggest "24" fan ever and I can see why when he and Jack Bauer share a love of tearing shit up when they get drunk. Kiefer Sutherland was at a hotel in London tying one on when he spotted a Christmas tree that was either plotting to blow up Buckingham Palace or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The scene was the hotel lobby around 5:30 AM when hotel security finally kicked the party out because guests were coming down for breakfast (they had already been kicked out of the bar at 2 AM but ordered booze from room service delivered to the lobby). Nice.

First, I'm going to have to post his quotes here because they're too good to take the chance that you won't click on the link and read them yourself.

Talking about his new tattoo of mystic symbols: "Sit down and take a look," he slurred. "It says 'I trust you to kill me'. It's the name of Rocco's new album. To me that also means 'Fuck you' - there's a lot of disrespect bound up in it."

The tree incident: "I hate that f***ing Christmas tree," he declared. "The tree HAS to come down."

Kiefer warned staff: "I'm smashing it - can I pay for it?"

A staff member replied: "I'm absolutely sure you can, sir."

He then hurled himself into the Norwegian Spruce, sending baubles and lights crashing to the ground. Pulling pine needles out of his hair and t-shirt, he said to a hotel employee: "Ooh sorry about that...you're so cool. This fucking hotel rocks."

First, you gotta sort of respect the guy for deciding he wants to tear the tree down but offers to pay for it first. He's a thoughtful drunk with the money to back up his destructive urges.

Second, reading the article is hilarious because it's a blow by blow account of his drunken night. The anecdotes include stories that he bumped into someone at the show and apologized and then carried out some emotional conversations with the reporters before he stumbled down the hall until he found the door that worked with his key. How fantastic would it have been to have a recorder documenting everything that happened back in our wild days? Specifically the homemade Long Island mix night since none of us remember anything past, oh, 8:30?

Time to move on. I was flipping through the channels after work the other night and saw two of the dumbest things on TV right now. First, VH1 needs to be stopped. They've gone off the deep end and need to be reeled back in before it's too late. It all started with the "I Love the 80's" and all of those countdown shows they did. I mean, they were alright for a while and I admit that I have sat through parts of way, way too many of those. Wasted hours of my life listening to some twat prattle on about the 87th most metal moment or some actor I've never heard of give his thoughts on ALF. Then they started expanding. Two more 80's specials, a 70's special, a 90's special, 40 Most Awesomely Bad Love Songs, 40 Most Awesomely Bad Breakup Songs, 40 Most Awesomely Bad Songs to Seduce a Girl to Make Your Ex Jealous, 40 Most Awesomely Bad Drunk Booty Call with your Ex Songs, 40 Most Awesomely Bad I Have a Hangover and Can't Believe I Slept with Her Again Songs. You get the idea. So we keep going with the Best Moments shows. Best Reality TV moments, Most Outrageous Moments 1, 2 and 3. You know I'm building up to the worst possible show. The one that finally pushed me over the edge.

TV's Illest Minority Moments.

Let that sink in. TV's Illest Minority Moments.

"Hmm, we've done just about everything, what about a show about race?"
"Yeah, but we can't just call it "the best". I know, how about "illest"?"

You know, the show was probably pretty funny with all kinds of ridiculous stereotypes but come on, aren't we stretching just a little too far with this one? Isn't it about time for this genre to die? Will that one guy that's on every single one of these shows find another real acting job, ever? Maybe one final show, VH1's Worst Shows Ever.

My final comments have to do with ESPN's neverending love affair with hype. The week before the Rose Bowl it was "USC, USC, best team ever?, USC, USC, Reggie Bush, best running back ever, USC". Whoops, I guess they should win the game if they want to be the best team ever.

Then, in the tradition of VH1 taking things about 5 steps over the line they decided to do something like make this "Homecourt Advantage Week" on ESPNU. Homecourt Advantage Week? What?

"Check it out as half the teams that play this week try to use their homecourt to their advantage!" How is Homecourt Advantage Week any different than any other week? I mean, I can deal with Rivalry Week because that makes sense to me (moreso in football). Elimination Week or whatever it was before the conference tournaments was really pushing it but this is ridiculous. And it's not just limited to weeks.

Big Monday, I'm on board. Super Tuesday, well, you kind of stole that from the whole election primary thing but it works. ACC Wednesday. Is this a surprise to anyone? Maybe Dick Vitale's Circle Jerk Night featuring the Cameron Crazies would be too vulgar. The worse has to be Throwdown Thursday. Come on, does every day have to be something? Can't you just say, hey, we have some basketball games on Thursday, come watch without adding the THROWDOWN? Is anyone really going to be swayed by Homecourt Advantage Week? "Damn, I'd like to play with the kids, honey, but this team has a home court that may or may not give them an advantage and I need to see how it's going to turn out."

Booyah.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Just leave, Dick

The big story around here has been Dick Vermeil retiring from the Chiefs. Obviously it's a big story but the local media doesn't really know how to cover it. Overall, you have to look at Vermeil's five years and think it is somewhat of a dissappointment given the hype he got coming into a bad situation. They've had some great moments but you have to look at one playoff game in five years with all of the offensive talent they have had isn't getting it done.

I was driving back to Lawrence from Ames on Tuesday and was in that area of Southern Iowa where 1460 is starting to fade but 810 and 610 (two KC sports stations) aren't full yet. I was listening to Rome on 1460 and then switching over to Vermeil's press conference on the other two and it was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. It was like a game to see if he would start crying before I switched back to Rome and I'm dead serious that he cried before the commercial in at least three or four straight. Most of the time within 30 seconds!

"I've coached a lot of great men. Eddie Kennison. (high pitched voice as the tears start to fall) Eddie Kennison. I traded this guy in St. Louis but I brough him back here. What a wonderful man."

Dude, just stop. You were here for five years, didn't win a single playoff game. Stop. Then he spent several minutes listing off all of the "alternatives" that were almost as good as the Super Bowl. Umm, what? These alternatives included 9th best winning percentage in the last five years and third best yards per completion. What? These are good things? Things that we're supposed to be proud of? Great, I'd rather be 29th in ypc if you had a defense that could make Indy punt at least once in that playoff game a few years ago. Oh yeah, and then you said your biggest regret was chasing Donnie Edwards out of town? Holy shit, who would want a linebacker that makes huge plays and 100 tackles every year? Did you notice how brutal the linebackers were after he left? Obviously, you did.

Seriously, Dick. Just stop crying and head off into the sunset. I don't blame you for all the problems the last few years and you did do a decent job for the most part but just spare us the constant sobbing like we're supposed to be choked up that you're leaving.

Now, I get to look forward to the inevitable trading of draft picks to get a coach that's about to be fired anyway. The Herm Edwards era....