Friday, September 29, 2006

Still alive

Hey, I know the Basement has been a little light lately. Basically, I'm super busy and haven't had much to talk about. I'll try to get things going again but it might be tough.

Anyway, here's an awesome meltdown after Michigan State choked to Notre Dame last weekend. It's about 15 nminutes long but the guy just goes off the deepend at one point. If you have some time I'd recommend listening if you like hearing people that take sports way, way too seriously. Here's my favorite quote as screamed by a hoarse madman that's been ranting for way too long.
"I'd rather have H.R. Puff'n'Stuff with Teddy Ruxpin as an assistant than to have you in the booth one more game. You're atrocious!"

At one point the other host is trying to get him off the air because his voice is gone but he is not to be denied. Classic.

Anyway, I'm in Ames this weekend with a few of the old Ames guys and gals, and of course, Veronica. Hopefully I'll have some stories to tell and maybe even a few pics.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Aldo Dies?

Son of a bitch.

That would suck that your last words as you're about to plunge to your death are "oh no..."

However, probably the best part of the strip is Aldo saving his booze. Does anyone remember how we always marveled that even if we fell down drunk we always managed to save our beer? Aldo has those same instincts.

But, seriously. Was there no warning that this road mysteriously ended with a cliff? No way Aldo can be that drunk in an hour. Fuck you, Mary Worth. YOU killed Aldo Kelrast.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Conversation I overheard

Between three dudes and a girl that didn't say anything.
Guy 1: "What are you doing tonight?"
Guy 2: "I think I'm going to hang out with that girl I met on Facebook."
Guy 3: "Which one? The one with the mannish jaw?"
1: "Oh yeah, that girl has a huge chin."
2: "Yeah, but she's really hot. She's one of those girls that can be preppy one day and sporty the next and still look hot either way. I love that."
1: "Yeah, that's pretty cool."
3: "So, she's pretty hot?"
2: "Yeah, dude. She's a model. She's a hair model."
1: "If she's a hair model why does she have bangs?"
2: "Well, I think shes trying to be a porn star too."
3: "What?"
2: "Yeah, she was named after a porn star or something."
3: "What are you talking about?"
1: "Yeah, it says on her profile she was named after a stripper or porn star or something."
2: "Yeah, it was Lane Blue or something and her name is T'Lane."
3: "With a name like T'Lane there's not much else she can do besides porn."

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Uh oh, Aldo's off the wagon...

Friday, September 15, 2006

The Not-So-Feel Good Story of the Year

The youth baseball coach that paid one of his players $25 to bean the autistic kid on the team so he couldn't play was convicted today.

UNIONTOWN, Pa. (AP) -- A baseball coach accused of offering an 8-year-old money to bean an autistic teammate so he couldn't play was convicted Thursday of two lesser charges against him, and evaded more serious charges.

A jury convicted 29-year-old Mark R. Downs Jr. of corruption of minors and criminal solicitation to commit simple assault, Fayette County authorities said.

Authorities said Downs offered to pay one of his players $25 to hit a 9-year-old autistic teammate with a ball while warming up before a June 2005 playoff game.

It's just my guess but I'll bet he saw the video of that kid that hit all the threes and got pissed when this kid didn't turn out to be a cross between Rain Man and Babe Ruth.

"This is a serious breach of sportsmanlike conduct," Vernon said.

Seriously? Because my old coach had three rules, "Play hard, don't be a jerk, and bean the autistic kid." I guess the third one kind of contradicts the second one now that I think about it...

But, seriously, you have to be really messed up to do something like that. I mean, the kid hit the other kid in the balls and the head! Sick, sick, sick.

8-year olds, dude.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

This post is dedicated to every asshole football coach out there

This is a video that was posted on Deadspin and Every Day Should be Saturday of future Michigan QB Chad Henne's high school team. Basically it's your typically awkward "speech" where the coach screams a lot and everyone looks at the ground hoping not to catch his eye.

I still remember the worst one I ever saw, and I may have told this story before, but a former player came back and gave us a speech before homecoming in which the term "snot bubbles" was used more than in any other five minute period in the history of humankind. "Hit em till they have snot bubbles. Make them have snot bubbles." On and on he went spitting all over everyone. I'm pretty sure that's the closest anyone got to making snot bubbles that night because we got crushed.

These were always a little awkward for me because other than 4 or 5 games my senior year the chances of me actually seeing a snap in a varsity game were about the same as Tony Yelk making a pressure kick. So, I'm supposed to get all fired up and stretched out so I can stand here for 2 hours? Is there a chair I can use or anything?

Anyway, here's this coach and his awesome video presentation asking them to find their pride. DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE? Coaches love pride.

While Chad Henne went on to fame, Danny is stuck in a mental hospital pissing himself right now.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Griiiiiiizzly Adams

Somebody needs to get this guy into a campaign commercial or something. In the week after September 11, 2001 he vowed not to shave his beard until bin Laden was killed or captured. Needless to say he didn't really expect to be filling in for ZZ Top five years later. Ironically he was arrested when he was mistaken for the terrorist during his recent vacation to Pakistan.


I was just flipping through the channels and came across Pat Robertson on the 700 Club and he was reading an email from a woman in Kansas who wrote in to say that somebody on the show had healed the pain in her leg. So, I start watching to see what goes on and Pat and this woman start praying and calling people by name. "Sam. Sam has a strained neck. His muscles are strained. Sam, put your hand on the pain and say "I receive it" and Jesus has healed you. Gums. Bleeding, swollen gums. Jesus is healing those, a miracle is taking place as we speak. Sandra with an object actually behind her eye. Right now this object is working its way out and you will be healed soon."

From what I can gather people send in their ailments for Pat and this woman to get Jesus to heal. WTF? I didn't think they actually did this stuff outside of movies or in the 1920's or something. What happens when Sam's neck still hurts or that person's gums are still bleeding or Sandra is still blind? Is it because they didn't pray hard enough? Didn't send enough money to fill Pat's bank account?

Maybe I'm wrong and the object popped out, Sam's neck strain went away, and the swollen gums are swollen no more, praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! But, I tend to believe Pat is playing on these people's beliefs for his own gain. I know, shocking, SHOCKING behavior from a televangelist. But this is a guy that likes to make believe that God will punish who Pat wants him to punish and will heal who Pat wants him to heal. It's like believing you have your own personal omniscient butler that will do whatever you want him to as long as you follow the rules you think are important and criticize anyone who doesn't.

Shady, shady stuff.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I see the stingray appeasers are hard at work. Sure, just leave them alone and they won't hurt you. Tell that to Steve Irwin. You're living in a pre-9/4 world, appeasers. Things have changed and you're either with the stingrays or you're against them. Do you think if you just leave them alone we'll just hold hands and stingers and sing kum-bah-yah on the beach? I don't think so. We need to take these things out.

In a somewhat related story, Vietnam's "Electric Man" was tragically and ironically electrocuted. Apparently the man used to show off his tolerance for electricity by sticking his fingers in light sockets but was killed when he didn't unplug a generator he was working on. According to the article the man's nickname was "Hung Electric." So, you're saying he had two talents?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

UNLV Whinin' Rebels

I'm back in Kansas after my trip to Ames for the UNLV-ISU game. It was a great time even though, once again, the game turned out to be closer than many thought it would be.

We tailgated way in the back of the grass lots which was a good time, like always. Tom Hanks was there (under the tent in the red shirt). It's kind of tough to tell but these people had more crap to set up at their tailgate than anything I've ever seen. They just kept bringing stuff out. ISU flags, Wisconsin flags, stuffed Cy (in chair), an ISU monkey, a Packers helmet, etc. The best thing he had was a TV so we ended up watching a fair amount of the Iowa-Syracuse game.

I considered getting in a fight in the parking lot but it really wasn't worth it. This couple in the late 30's or early 40's come up behind me in line for the bathrooms and the woman says, "I'm just going to budge in front of somebody."
The guy says, "Hey, there's Terry."
"Oh, I'll budge in front of him."
Now, first, this woman should be mocked just for saying "budge" in any context.
Second she walked right up to this guy and cut in front of him. Hey, no worries, none of us really have to piss either! I mean, are you serious? Are you an adult? No one said anything either and I'm kind of pissed I didn't but then I would have had to deal with the guy and in these types of situations it's probably just not worth it. I'm still pretty pissed about it.

We ended up getting tickets cheap and snuck into the student section. I think it was probably the most romantic date ever.

Even with Ryan there...

The game was fine outside of a few things. They still aren't throwing the ball to Blythe. I think they only threw to him twice and it was picked off one and really overthrown on what could have been a 70-yard touchdown. Seriously, once again, Blythe is probably the best receiver in the conference and we can't get him the ball even once? I watched him for a few plays and I don't buy the excuse that he's always double-covered because they had single coverage on him a few times and they didn't throw to him. Meyer should audible every time he sees that. The worst is when they ran the fade to Davis(!) instead of Blythe. Ugh, just ridiculously stupid, especially since that's the exact same play that was picked in overtime against Mizzou. The offense is really struggling a lot more than it should be right now.

The refs were ridiculously bad, especially in spotting situations. ISU seemed like they were in control most of the first half but things went south in the second and they couldn't get the defense off the field.

The band came up and played in the second half. After they played I turned to the trumpeter next to me and said, "Hey man, I think you're playing a little sharp."
His face just sank and he said, "oh really?" and tried fixing something on his instrument. I laughed and told him that I was just kidding. Like I would be able to tell that he was sharp when there's about 50 people playing with him. Some people might be able to but umm, I'm not one of them.

The band also choked once when they played over ISU on offense and caused a false start. That was met with a well-deserved round of boos.

While that and the fade to Davis were pretty dumb calls possibly the worst was the sound guy who decided to get the crowd pumped up before the last play of the game with UNLV trying to score the go-ahead touchdwon by playing....Neil Diamond? Certainly a bold choice. I mean, everyone loves to sing along with "Sweet Caroline" but right before the biggest play of the game? Dumb.

UNLV's receiver comes down out of bounds and ISU escapes again. However, things got pretty crazy then as UNLV's coach thought the play hadn't been reviewed and refused to let his team leave the field. It turns out the play HAD been reviewed and wasn't close enough for an "official" review. So the coach runs into the Jacobson building and starts banging on the door of the official's lockerroom until security kicked him out. The crowd is booing and the players are trying to give it back which eventually turned into a bunch of players stomping on the Cy logo at midfield. Classy.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Another step to being an old-timer

I could tell I was getting old when I started getting the non-traditional student newsletter which consisted mostly of invitations to "Adult's Night Out" and "Parent's Night Out" which are still held at bars but from 6-10 PM. Shawn, Rachel, and I were talking the other day about how before long I'll be dragging my books in a little cart behind me and trying to set up group meetings for Friday night or Saturday morning.

Anyway, maybe I'm just getting old or maybe I'm just able to recognize really bad writing when I see it. Today's University Daily Kansan featured a story on the controversial new changes to Facebook. Basically, the new feature documents every change you make on there. When you added a friend, what and when you posted on somebodys else's wall, if you changed your relationship status. Basically, it's all the stuff that could be found out if someone was really stalking you and put it right out there for everyone to read. Personally, I'm not big on Facebook but I didn't like the new feature at all just because it's kind of annoying that anyone can look and see everything you've done recently.

However, this UDK piece took things to the extreme starting with the headline "Web Site Makeover Invades Students' Right to Privacy." The headline has since been changed in the online version but in the hardcopy it right there on top in bold letters. I hope the reporter that wrote this piece bitched out whoever wrote that headline because it's completely ridiculous.

First, I do think there is a right to privacy implied in the constitution. Second, there's no way in hell that applies to Facebook. It's a website that you join and choose how much or how little to put on there. This isn't a government sanctioned site where they are posting personal information about you without your permission or anything like that.

So, let's look at a few choice selections:
It’s been called Stalkerbook, people have claimed it’s part of a government conspiracy and some even go so far as to call it the first step toward Big Brother — the idea of constant surveilance.

Andrew Algren, Lawrence junior, said he joined the protest group because the “News Feed” had gone one step too far.

“It feels like we’re constantly being monitored,” Algren said. “I could see people getting stalked on their Facebook profiles. It makes it easy to see everything the person is doing right up front.”

Samer Adra, Wichita senior, said it was creepy that anybody could click on their profile and see what they’d been up to. “It just seems privacy is going in the wrong direction,” Adra said. “There’s no point to the feature other than stalking.”

Once again, you may not like everyone knowing what you just did on Facebook but what the hell does the government care? If they wanted the information they could get it and not put it up for everyone to see. And Big Brother? Give me a break.

This just pisses me off to no end. Bush admits openly to spying on Americans without warrants and going on fishing expeditions in everyone's phone records and the country shrugs but show your Facebook record and everyone's in arms. There is a REAL Big Brother developing out there. Privacy is going in the wrong direction but there's a huge difference to people on a website seeing information that you put out there yourself and a government that will spy on you.

Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way and maybe this will make people consider the place that privacy has in today's society but I'm not holding my breath. Damn kids...

Here's some video of Germany hanging 13 goals on San Marino this week. They may as well have been playing Dan Marino the way this game turned out.

YES! I've been waiting all my life to use that joke. I should be working for Sportscenter instead of doing this crap.

Anyway, it's pretty funny to see them try not to celebrate after their goals. They did a decent job except for sending goalie Jen Lehmann to take a penalty kick ahead 12-0. The Fightin' Marinos got in his face yelling "Fairplay Fairplay!" and he didn't kick it. It strikes me as funny that the Germans and Marinians all say Fair Play in English. Can't FIFA translate that?

Anyway, I started watching some other German soccer videos and saw a bunch of drunk fans singing "Scheiss Italiener!" on the subway. I sang "Scheiss FC Bayern" to that same tune once when I was young, drunk, and in Germany.

Speaking of Bayern they're playing St. Pauli in the first round of the German Cup. So, Go Pauli!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Well, that's awkward

Lindsay Lohan is apparently so beloved by inmates in New York's Collins Correctional Facility that they hang up sexy photos of her.

That's the claim of inmate Michael Lohan, who tells tonight's "Inside Edition" that he was upset when he arrived in June 2005 at the prison outside Buffalo and discovered that his fellow convicts — including pedophiles and sexual offenders — admire photos of his daughter.

"That was a problem when I first got here, because [the other inmates] had a lot of Lindsay's pictures hung up in their lockers," Michael says, adding that he warned his jailmates: "That's my daughter, and because I'm here with you now, I'd appreciate it if you took it down." Asked if they complied, Michael said: "Yes, most would, but sometimes it took some persuasion."

Lohan must be one mean hombre.

So, what's the going rate for not jerking off to pictures of someone's daughter? A pack of smokes and a tossed salad?

In other bullshit celebrity news Paris Hilton picked up a DUI which was quickly explained by her publicist that she had a drink after working on a music video and hadn't eaten all day. Obviously that's a lie since she clearly hasn't eaten all week.

Some of you may be planning to watch Survivor: Race War coming up. Apparently you'll be joined by white supremacists everywhere.
"This is a great idea," wrote poster "Drafli Hakon" on Stormfront, which claims 120,000 members. "This will get all those millions of couch potatoes who watch the show [rooting] for their own. Win, lose or draw, millions of whites will start to remember that they ARE part of a tribe. If the Whites win, they will feel pride. If they lose, they will feel resentment towards those who won. It's win-win for us."

I'm sure this is exactly what CBS had in mind. Actually, they probably did. Fuckers.

Here you can watch Jessica Simpson bite it trying to hit a high note. Supposedly she had some big illness or something but I'm blaming crack cocaine.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I am trying to break your heart

Deadspin has been running a series of pieces written by fans of all 32 NFL teams detailing what their team means to them. I've been patiently waiting for the Chiefs turn and it came out today.

Clearly being a Chiefs fan means being seemingly destined for greatness only to have it stolen from you in the worst way possible. It's like heading to the gas station to cash a winning lottery ticket only to be mugged. And the mugger is a feeble old man. And the mugger humiliates you after he steals your ticket. Then the mugger goes on to cash your ticket and marry a hot wife and live in a huge house while you stew in your apartment wondering what might have been.

Anyway, no, being a Chiefs fan is not psychologically damaging in any way.

So, this particular writer is Rany Jazayerl, Rob Neyer's Royals' blogging partner and a writer for Baseball Prospectus. On a sidenote Rob and Rany have a reputation as being particularly negative and pessimistic, even for Royals fans, which means you must be pretty negative. I completely understand.

Rany focuses on the last 10 years and every painful loss that either kept KC out of the playoffs or kicked them out of them. It's like the commercials for the Now! That's What I Call Music CD's where the names of the songs scroll by with one of them playing in the background.

"Buy this DVD collection of the Kansas City's Chiefs Epic Meltdowns. We'll send you a new DVD every month and you can cancel anytime. All of the worst are here."

The Lin Elliot Game
The Phantom Penalty Calls Against the Broncos
"Oh God."
The Worst Kicked Game Ever (How Can a Kickoff Specialist Kick it Out of Bounds Three Times in One Game?)
"I think I'm going to be sick."
The Shootout Against the Colts
"Son of a bitch."
The 14 Point Swing/Near Miracle
"Jeebus, they just don't stop."

So, yeah, reading through those was pretty brutal as I was reminded time and time again of this team bringing me to the brink of unbridled joy only to piss it down their leg or have it stolen in some ridiculous fashion.

Once again a new NFL season is starting and I can see another window of opportunity closing. The great defenses on the 90's finished with only one AFC Championship game appearance because of an offense that would disappear in the playoffs and kickers that couldn't kick.

Now, the great offenses of the 2000's could potentially finish with an even worse resume because of a defense that you know will not stop anyone. Ever. The defense is getting better just at the time that the offense is getting older. Like two ships passing in the night at some point they're probably just both going to be mediocre. Or they'll put it all together for one last run to the playoffs only end like so many others, wide right.

EDIT: The Bears preview from a few days ago is kind of funny. You guys and your Cult of '85.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Touchdown, Meyer!

I found this video of Meyer's first TD last night. Honestly, it's about time I was back in Jack Trice. Is it the 30th yet?
I saw this on the recommendation of the Sports Guy. The 70's were the worst decade ever.

ISU-Toledo Recap

I listened to the game over the internets last night and had a few thoughts on the way the team sounded, etc. Of course, I have plenty in the way of second-guessing. I'll call them "You suck, McCarney!"'s since that's what we always used to hear anytime anything went wrong or after the inevitable draw up the middle on anything longer than third and five.

My best "draw up the middle" play was when the student section started chanting "draw to Davis" and that's exactly what they ran for about 2 yards on third and long. You can almost picture the scene.

Opposing coach thinking: "Poor predictable, McCarney. Always runs the draw."
McCarney thinking: "Good old draw, nothing beats that."

Anyway, I digress. The game started off looking ok. The offense got a nice drive that ended with a Barkema fumble but got the ball back and marched down the field in two minutes for the first TD. They had another long drive from their own three that ended with a good punt to Toledo's 1 yardlne.

After this the wheels fell of a little bit as Toledo unleashes the Iowa State defense's worst nightmare. The tight end. Apparently neither our offensive or defensive coordinators are aware this position exists because it's tough to think of one being used since MIKE BANKS! Anyway, Toledo is just killing us with this guy as they go 99 yards for the TD. Their QB had a ridiculous completion percentage for most of the game and was doing his best Joe Montana impression.

On the PAT attempt ISU blocks it but, in a play that can only happen to Iowa State, three guys stand around the ball looking at it as Toledo picks it up and runs in for two points. We seriously have the worst special teams this side of a junior high team. Supposedly we hired some guru from UCLA to coach them this year but, uhh, I guess that's not really working out since they had two high snaps on field goals leading to one miss, a blocked PAT turn into 2 points, a kickoff out of bounds, and a dropped snap on a punt. Am I missing anything? Another stellar night for our special ed teams.

ISU answers by climbing on big Stevie Hicks' back. The announcers said he looks a lot better and healthier than he did last year so that's a good sign.

In the second half ISU eventually stretches the lead to 12 points but it really seems like they are in total control of the game. Of course, you know what happens next. North Carolina basketball has their patented four corners offense when they get a lead? ISU football has their patented three runs up the middle and punt offense only that's pretty much the exact opposite as far as effectiveness goes. This has been a major factor in blowing game after game (See Missouri, Nebraska, Baylor, and Kansas games last year for late blown leads).

For an example look at this drive that started with 10 minutes left in the 4th at Toledo's 45 with ISU ahead by 8 points.
1st and 10 at TOL 45 Stevie Hicks rush for a loss of 1 yard to the Toled 46.
2nd and 11 at TOL 46 Bret Meyer rush for 2 yards to the Toled 44.
3rd and 9 at TOL 44 Bret Meyer pass complete to RJ Sumrall for 18 yards to the Toled 26 for a 1ST down.
1st and 10 at TOL 26 Stevie Hicks rush for 2 yards to the Toled 24.
2nd and 8 at TOL 24 Bret Meyer rush for no gain to the Toled 24.
3rd and 8 at TOL 24 Bret Meyer rush for 3 yards to the Toled 21.
4th and 5 at TOL 21 Austin Flynn pass incomplete to Ben Barkema.

Rush, rush, pass on 3rd and long. Rush, rush, rush on third and long, high snap on the field goal.
ISU has possibly THE BEST receiver in the Big 12 and I don't even think they threw to him in the second half. The game goes to overtime and he catches two touchdowns including this one, Sportscenter's Play of the Day:

Are you kidding me? He made that 25 yard catch one handed with a guy draped all over him! He's 6'5" and he can't win a few jump balls to move downfield and put the game out of reach? ISU isn't the Pittsburgh Steelers and Stevie Hicks isn't the vintage Bus. Take a chance (and throwing it high to Blythe isn't much of a gamble) and win the game.

Like, I said, in OT they went to him twice and he scored two long touchdowns so why aren't they throwing to him the rest of the game?

Sean Keelor of the DSM Rag nails it:
"In the fourth quarter, I just kinda went up to (coach Dan McCarney) and said, 'I think I can make a play,' " said Blythe, who caught two touchdown passes in overtime as the Cyclones won in extra frames for the first time in six tries. "They had enough trust in me, and (quarterback) Bret (Meyer) did, too, to throw it up there."

What's that old line about Michael Jordan? It applies here, too. The only person who can stop Todd Blythe is Dan McCarney.

So, things to be discouraged about:
-The defense looked young and still unable to adjust in-game to things like covering the tight end who killed us throughout the overtimes.
-McCarney still plays not to lose too much.
-The Big 12's TV package blows. The game wasn't shown anywhere outside of Iowa.

Things to be encouraged about:
-The offense is going to be really tough to stop if they're using all their weapons. Blythe is awesome but Flynn, Davis, and Summrall are all underrated. This keeps teams honest and should allow Hicks to do some damage. Meyer played GREAT last night. Three rushing TDs in regulation and two TD passes in OT. He needs to go to Blythe more.
-ISU finally won an overtime game. It was the first win in their history after starting 0-5, I believe.
-They are 1-0 and have a chance to fix some things that went wrong. Bring on the 'Rebs.