Wednesday, January 31, 2007

RIP Molly Ivins

I grew up reading her syndicated columns in my local newspaper and she was always one of the best defenders of progressive values and also one of the best at ripping on "Shrub" (she had plenty of experience beginning with his reign as Texas governor). Her voice will definitely be missed by many, including me.

"The United States of America is still run by its citizens. The government works for us. Rank imperialism and warmongering are not American traditions or values. We do not need to dominate the world. We want and need to work with other nations. We want to find solutions other than killing people. Not in our name, not with our money, not with our children's blood."

I'll use this post to also point out that Al Franken is running for senator of Minnesota. I think he would easily be the funniest senator if elected.

Also, don't forget that Groundhog's Day is Friday, so...do whatever it is you would normally do for that. Be nice to groundhogs because they decide the weather and not global warming.

One of the local weatherman actually pulled out this joke the other day. "And it looks like it's going to be very cold on Groundhog's Day, my favorite holiday....NOT!" I'm not sure I've heard a NOT! joke outside of Borat since '97. It really made me laugh because he looks and acts almost exactly like Stanley, from The Office.

More thoughts on Mooninite "bombs"

What does this say about the culture of fear that permeates our culture when blinking lights in the shape of cartoon characters cause this much trouble? People seriously need to step back and look at things. Does that REALLY look like a bomb or should we consider something else? I'm willing to cut the police some slack because it's their job not to take chances but the media was all over this story. The hype that surrounds every "suspicious package" story only feeds into this crap. It seems that a balance shouldn't be too hard to find for everyone involved and it starts with a little common sense and a little less media hype.

Mooninites Terrorize Boston

BOSTON (AP) - Ten blinking electronic devices planted at bridges and other spots in Boston threw a scare into the city Wednesday in what turned out to be a publicity campaign for a late-night cable cartoon. At least one of the devices depicts a character giving the finger.

Highways, bridges and a section of the Charles River were shut down and bomb squads were sent in before authorities declared the devices were harmless.

Turner Broadcasting, a division of Time Warner Inc. and parent of Cartoon Network, said the devices were part of a promotion for the TV show ``Aqua Teen Hunger Force,'' a surreal series about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball.
...
``Aqua Teen Hunger Force'' is a cartoon with a cultish following that airs as part of the Adult Swim late-night block of programs for adults on the Cartoon Network. A feature length film based on the show is slated for release March 23.

The cartoon also includes two trouble-making, 1980s-graphic-like characters called ``mooninites,'' named Ignignokt and Err - who were pictured on the suspicious devices. They are known for making the obscene hand gesture depicted on the devices.



I've arranged a special interview with Ignignokt and Err to see what they were thinking. Audio of this interview can be found by reading my questions aloud and pressing the appropriate button on the Mooninite soundboard.
Err: Uh oh, look what someone did. You're in trouble.
Me: No, I believe you two are the ones who are in trouble.
Ignignokt: You are a filthy liar.
Me: No, I'm not. It's all over the news. You guys caused a giant bomb scare in Boston. Why did you do it?
E: Cause I'm badass.
I: That is extremely true.
Me: So it wasn't a religious extremist thing?
I: You have deeply offended us and our god. And our god is a god of vengeance.
E: Our god is an Indian that turns into a wolf!
Me: OK, so it WAS a religious thing?
E: Quit asking questions!
Me: Sorry. Tell me a little bit about what you hope to accomplish.
I: None of your damn business. We're here to take your pornography and sodomize our vast imaginations.
Me: That doesn't sound like a very good reason. Tell me a little bit about yourselves.
I: We are from the moon. We do what we want.
E: It's the moon, man. It's like deserted. Ain't nothin' up there, it's like frickin' Kansas.
Me: Hey, I'm from Kansas and I don't terrorize American cities.
I: The innocent shall suffer...big time!
E: Let's go get drunk and rip off a ten speed! Yeah, then we'll set it on fire and wreck it into children and laugh at their parents and get on...whoa, I'm toasted.
I: I've seen the future. And it involves brown liquor and an escort service.
E: Well, then it's time for full frontal!
I: Pony kegs will roam the Earth. In search of my mouth. We will decide the fate of you and of this galaxy. So...go ahead and cash this check, please.
Me: Umm...ok. You guys are a little off. Is there anything you'd like to say to Boston?
I: We are sorry in the most sarcastic sense of the word.
Me: So, you must be the ones who etched "The Moon Rulez #1" on the side of the Bunker Hill Monument?
E: How do you like that? You like that fattie?
Me: Don't call me fattie.
E: What are you going to do about? You gonna come out here and fight me? Cut you up. I'll cut you up, boy!
I: And prepare for a pride obliterating bitch slap...in front of your closest friends.

So, there you have it, the latest foreign terrorists. Personally I think I prefer them imposing their order of pony kegs roaming the earth than living under the rule of sharia.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Umm, good prank, I guess

WESTERVILLE, Ohio (AP) -- A high school lunch period was disrupted Monday by a greased, naked student who ran around screaming and flailing his arms until police twice used a stun gun on him, authorities said.

Taylor Killian, 18, had rubbed his body with grapeseed oil to keep from being caught, and got up after the first time he was shocked to continue running toward a group of frightened students huddled in a corner at Westerville North High School, Lt. Jeff Gaylor said.

"That prank went a little farther than he intended, I guess," Gaylor said.

Officer Doug Staysniak was monitoring the lunch period when Killian, with long hair and a full beard, ran in the room toward students, who screamed and ran away. The officer is normally assigned to a middle school and did not recognize Killian as a student, Gaylor said.

Police said that an administrator ordered Killian to stop, but that the student made a sexual gesture and kept running.

Killian is in jail and charged with inducing panic, public indecency, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. A message seeking comment was left at Killian's home.

School officials reported that Killian was a good student, Gaylor said. There was no indication of substance abuse or a medical problem.

I want to know if he was talking like "Greased-up Naked Deaf Guy" from Family Guy.

Monday, January 29, 2007

World's Oldest Living Persons dropping like...

..well, the World's Oldest Living Person.

After a reign as WOLP that lasted only 4 days, 114 year-old Emma Faust Tillman died.

But, seriously, she did have an interesting life. Her parents were former slaves and 4 of her siblings also lived to be over 100. She lived on her own until she was 110 which is pretty impressive, I guess. I also found in interesting that she was a widow for 67 years.

We'll see if the current WOLP can hang on a little longer than Emma did. She's living in Japan and also really, really old.

People and animals confuse and frighten me

I may be a heartless bastard when it comes to stuff like this but here's a story I don't understand.

It's the story of Perky the Duck, a Florida fowl shot and killed by a hunter. Or so they thought.
She was shot, dragged by a dog, hung upside down and then left in a household refrigerator for two days, but the duck dubbed "Perky" seems now to be back from the dead after a startlingly quick recovery.

Perky was hit in the leg, neck and wing by a local hunter last weekend. Ms Beck said the duck was felled, carried back to the hunter by his dog, hung in a brace of dead ducks, taken to his house and placed in a refrigerator.

Two days later the hunter's wife went to the fridge.

"When she opened the door this little duck raised her head ... she immediately called her daughter and said they had to do something," said Ms Beck.

So...they went hunting for a duck, thought they killed the duck, then tried to save the duck after it spent two days in the fridge. Why not just kill the duck again and eat it? It's still the same duck you thought it was two days ago when you tried to shoot it, right?

Despite Perky's "miraculous" recovery I have to question the care this duck was receiving. For instance, consider that the duck was declared dead and was moving around 10 to 15 seconds later.
Veterinarians in Tallahassee declared the fowl a dead duck during an operation on her wing Saturday. With some breast compressions, oxygen and luck, Perky came back to life - again - during the surgery, said wildlife rehabilitator Noni Beck of Goose Creek Wildlife Sanctuary.

Beck said she walked out of the room sobbing and called Goose Creek treasurer Susan May when it happened. Ten to 15 seconds later, the duck perked up from her death bed. "I started started crying 'she's alive!," Beck said.

Good job, doc.

In other animal news that confuses me, Barbaro, the great racehorse that broke its leg in the Preakness last year. Normally when horses break their legs they are just put down because their anatomy makes it nearly impossible to live without putting their weight on all four hooves. Of course, why do the humane thing when there are millions of dollars in siring fees to be made if Barbaro lives? So, they spent lots of money to creat contraptions to hold him up and have surgeries that left him in pain. Well, none of it worked out and Barbaro was put down today. So, hey, at least he lived his last few months in pain, right?

Once again, many would view me as heartless but why do we spend so much money to keep struggling animals alive when they are in pain and might just want to die a peaceful death anyway? What kind of quality of life did Barbaro have? Was it worth it to put him through that for a "coin flip at best" chance at living? Wouldn't we have been better served donating his body to research at Elmer's glue?

Oh, and if you're into very graphic but hilarious images check out the Onion.

UPDATE: Here's a fawning piece from MSNBC.
Brilliant on the race track, Barbaro always will be remembered for his brave fight for survival.

The story of the beloved 3-year-old bay colt’s fight for life captured the fancy of millions and drew an outpouring of support unrivaled in sports.

When Barbaro broke down, his right hind leg flared out awkwardly as jockey Edgar Prado jumped off and tried to steady the ailing horse. Race fans at Pimlico wept. Within 24 hours the entire nation seemed to be caught up in a “Barbaro watch,” waiting for any news on his condition.

Well-wishers young and old showed up at the New Bolton Center with cards, flowers, gifts, goodies and even religious medals for the champ, and thousands of e-mails poured into the hospital’s Web site just for him.

Devoted fans even wrote Christmas carols for him, sent a wreath made of baby organic carrots and gave him a Christmas stocking.

Although the get-well cards and banners eventually will fade or be trashed, the biggest gift has been the $1.2 million raised since early June for the Barbaro Fund. The money is put toward needed equipment such as an operating room table, and a raft and sling for the same pool recovery Barbaro used after his surgeries.

Great. So even though your cards, written for a horse that can't read, will fade at least many other horses will be put through the same torture as a direct result of your gifts.

Wow. How syruppy was that article? This author is about to put "Where were you when Barbaro broke his leg" down with when Kennedy was shot or the World Trade Center fell. Maybe I missed the outpouring of support "unrivaled in sports."

Friday, January 26, 2007

Seperated at birth update

I've received a lot of response to my "Seperated at birth" post below. And by a lot I mean an IM and an email but for me that's a flood of reaction. First, Raider Fan B.J. made a valid point that while Al Davis may look like that dog the Chiefs owner probably looks like the Crypt Keeper by now. After I laughed at that for a while I decided that modern embalming probably keeps him somewhat fresh for a while. Although he was looking a little, well, corpse-like for a while before he died.

Then I had an email from Mary (who was once a promising young blogger, herself) that contained this photo which was apparently enhanced by her father.

At first I was confused because I thought, well, there's nothing different between these two images but if you look closely you will see that Al Davis' head has actually been replaced by the dog's and the new coach is now the sexual predator that tried to enroll in middle school. How could this not inspire confidence in among the Raider fans?

Also, in answer to Mary's question in the comments that is Sam, the three-time World's Ugliest Dog champion. He came up in a discussion I had with Paul a few weeks ago and as soon as I saw the picture I knew I had seen that face somewhere. It turns out that Sam is (thankfully) dead now. I like animals and whatnot but when they are suffering I'm more than willing to help end their pain. And just looking at Sam makes me think he's in pain (or maybe it just pains me to look at him).

So, getting that email from Mary really made my day because it made me think of her parents. I've had the pleasure of meeting Laurence and Mary's parents on a few different occasions and they are really some of the nicest, most unique people anyone will ever meet. It's easy to see why they produced such good kids. They're among the only parents to venture to one of the imfamous parties on 126 S. Franklin and even talked to me well into the night which would probably have been too much a challenge for most sober people at that time. Their dad played accordian with Laurence in Nectar/Doris' awesome acoustic show at the Ames Public Library and rocked the house (upstair meeting room?). Sometimes I would hear these stories about him from Laurence or Mary that would border on being urban legends just because they were so bizarre or unbelievable in some way. Needless to say, the most interesting things happen to this family of interesting people. So, my favorite story involves his lawn. Apparently, he wasn't nearly as interested in maintaining a well-maincured lawn as most of his neighbors so one day they knocked on his door and asked him if it would be ok if they mowed his lawn for him. He responded with something like, "in our lifetime water will be used for human consumption only and gas will be too expensive for most people to buy" and shut the door in their stunned faces. Perfect.

Thanks for the photoshop, James! It really did make my day.

Quotes

"My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators."
United State Vice President Dick Cheney

"Iraq was put under occupation, which was an idiot decision."
Iraqi Vice President Adel Abdul Mahdi


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi: "Mr. President, why do you think this time (another surge) is going to work?"
GW Bush: "Because I told them it had to."
Pelosi: "Why didn't you tell them that the other two times?"


"But the biggest problem we face right now is the danger that the United States will validate the terrorist strategy, that, in fact, what will happen here with all of the debate over whether or not we ought to stay in Iraq, with the pressures from some quarters to get out of Iraq, if we were to do that, we would simply validate the terrorists' strategy that says the Americans will not stay to complete the task -- that we don't have the stomach for the fight. That's the biggest threat right now."
Dick Cheney

"Oh, I’m so sorry the vice president so underestimates the people of this country. He has so little faith in this country to say something like that. That’s an astounding statement from the vice president of the United States. You’re telling me — or maybe more directly, maybe the vice president should tell the families of those who have lost their lives, over 3,000, and over 23,000 wounded, some very seriously for life, that they don’t have the stomach? Come on, let’s get real here."
Republican Senator Chuck Hagel


"There is no strategy. This is a ping-pong game with American lives. These young men and women that we put in Anbar province, in Iraq, in Baghdad are not beans. They’re real lives. And we better be damn sure we know what we’re doing - all of us - before we put 22,000 more Americans into that grinder… I think all 100 senators ought to be on the line on this. What do you believe? What are you willing to support? What do you think? Why were you elected? If you wanted a safe job, go sell shoes."
Chuck Hagel


"No, there is not. There is not. There's problems, ongoing problems, but we have, in fact, accomplished our objectives of getting rid of the old regime, and there is a new regime in place that's been there for less than a year, far too soon for you guys to write them off. They have got a democratically written constitution, first ever in that part of the world. They've had three national elections. So there's been a lot of success."
Dick Cheney

"To have Vice President Cheney suggest that we have had a series of enormous successes in Iraq is delusional. I don't understand how he can continue to say those things while the president calls them 'slow failure'."
Democratic Senator Dick Durbin


"Wolf, Wolf, I simply don't accept the premise of your question. I just think it's hogwash."
VP Dick Cheney responding to a question on his credibility after all of the blunders

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Seperated at birth

This image is taken from the New York Times article on the Raiders hiring a coach that is just a few years older than I am. Despite the fact that he looks a little like Howdy Doody he's apparently mean enough to send his wife and children to sit in the Black Hole. Good luck with those nightmares kids. But what really caught my eye was the uncanny resemblance to Sam, formerly the world's ugliest dog.

I haven't had something this disgusting on my website since I posted the photo of a herpes outbreak next to Herky the Hawkeye. And Sam is pretty ugly too.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

State of the Union

Well, obviously it sucks right now but I'm talking about the speech. I wasn't going to watch it because I'm a little Bushed out and this has to be one of the most irrelevant SotU speeches ever. I mean, CBS just polled him at 28% approval so even the Repubs aren't exactly leaping out of their seats. Mostly because he's trying to convince everyone he's a moderate and cares about stuff that Americans care about. So, this is kind of a half-hearted liveblogging until I get tired of listening to this idiot speak.

McCain looked twitchy. Chuck Grassley was going nuts at the mention of ethanol. He looked like his grandkid just won American Idol or something. Dick Cheney looks even more surly than usual. That Libby trial certainly isn't helping. I'm loving it whenever Pelosi leaps to her feet and makes him stand up.

It looks like Bush is finally about to start talking about Iraq. That's good because I dyed my finger purple just for this occassion. Oh, that was the corner we turned 2 years ago? My bad.

Anyway, I'm done with this. Same old crap from a man in way over his head. If we aren't going to impeach him let's just try to make sure he can't do any more damage in the next 2 years. Like, say, invade Iran which is what he's talking about now. Well, not really but I'm sure we're just sending aircraft carriers over there for the hell of it.

OK, I can't turn away. Bush actually name dropped purple fingers. Hopefully most Iraqis still have them if they haven't been cut off by the death squads yet. Oh, by the way, the death squads are supported by Iran. They showed McCain for a full 10 or 15 seconds and his eyes were shut the entire time. Will someone please check his pulse? Did I mention I don't like that guy?

Daaamn...Dikembe "Mount" Mutombo is sitting next to the First Lady! I only wish he would jump off the balcony, rip up the speech, and break out the finger wag...

After Mutumbo we get the inventor of Baby Einstein. How do we know these babies are REALLY smart? Huh? Smells like a fraud to me. I was half expecting him to say he really learned a lot from her program but I guess I was wrong.

And the Subway Hero (not Jared the guy that jumped on the tracks in front of his kids) is stretching out his 15 minutes. Good for him. Apparently the speech has little to do with Bush now and more to do with him latching on to people that have actually done something good in the last several years. Could he not find anything else to talk about so he just stretched this crap out for ten minutes? That's usually good for a C grade right?

And with a lot of applause for people that aren't him he ends it. Finally. Hmm, he says the state of the union is strong. I guess I was mistaken.

Interesting to consider how many times he mentioned Iran compared to New Orleans. A bunch to zero.

The guy on NBC just said, "Bush told his aides he was going to be sober tonight." Wow, umm, I hope so. Apparently the talking heads also noticed how no one gave him much props tonight.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

"If it wasn't so sad it would be funny."

Those were my exact thoughts when I read this story.
PHOENIX Jan 20, 2007 (AP)— A charter school alerted authorities to a 29-year-old sex offender who tried to enroll there, pretending he was just 12, in what sheriff's officials said Friday may have been an attempt to lure children into sexual abuse.

The Yavapai County sheriff's office also said Neil Havens Rodreick II conned two men he was living with and having sex with into believing he was a young boy. One of them, 61-year-old Lonnie Stiffler, called himself Rodreick's grandfather when he tried to enroll him at Mingus Springs Charter School as "Casey Price."

"This is the weirdest case I've seen in 18 years," sheriff's spokeswoman Susan Quayle said. "If it wasn't so sad it would be funny."


Yeah, right. Like this guy could make anyone believe he was 12 years old? Err, I guess he did.
Stiffler and Robert James Snow, 43, "were very upset when the detectives told them they had been having a sexual relationship with a 29-year-old man and not a pre-teen boy," Quayle said.

Detectives have evidence that Stiffler and Snow enrolled Rodreick in other Arizona schools, and have notified law enforcement in those jurisdictions, Quayle said.

It's just amazing to me that these guys thought they could pull it off and that, apparently, some schools fell for it! Who could believe this guy was actually 12 years old? It's just ridiculous.

Game over

The Hobo Genius couldn't protect a 21-3 lead? Really? Hmm, interesting.

During one of the timeouts I came across some show on ABC that featured Brenda from Six Feet Under, Ally McBeal, Rob Lowe from all kinds of stuff like the West Wing, one of the old guys from Alias, and a few other "that actor that played..." types. Were they trying to get all of these retreads or was it an accident?

I'm really glad that Brady finally blew a game. If he managed to lead that comeback I was going to finally have to accept the hype and welcome our new Patriot overlords. However, I just want to say that this is two games in a row that Brady threw a pick with the game on the line. He was bailed out against the Chargers but not today.

It was good to see a game that finally lived up to the hype. I'm slightly jealous that all of the Bears fans I know get to watch their team in the Super Bowl while my team wallows in their decades long slump but I think I can find it in me to cheer for them in a few weeks. Even though I'd have to add 2006 Bears to the 1985 Bears on teams in history I never want to hear anything about ever again.

Thoughts on Pats-Colts

Has there ever been a player with wilder eyes than Reche Caldwell? I guess when you drop two wide open passes like that I'd have my eyes peeled for assassins too.

This has been a really entertaining game. I don't particularly like either team but I like Ellis Hobbs because he's a former Cyclone and I'd like everyone to get off Peyton's back (sort of) so I don't really care who wins this game. Kind of nice to just enjoy it. Either way I can take some joy in watching Brady or Manning lose.

Belichick still looks like a hobo and he even has people standing on the sidelines in shorts. It's a damn beach party.

I'm not sure if I've ever seen a dorkier crowd than in Indy. I'm fully aware that there are plenty of freaks at the Chiefs games (but still fewer than in Minnesota) but it seems like everyone they show in the crowd here is wearing a Manning jersey and just looks like a complete nerd. Do crowds take on the character of their teams? Before the KC-Indy game the local news stations ran some stories about Indy's downtown revival that was supposedly about 10 years ahead of where KC is right now. If that's what we have to look forward to than let's just let the urban core rot.

I'm pretty sure that if you took the average weight of players that scored touchdowns in a playoff game this would be the highest since the Fridge played. There's a lot of fat dudes jiggling as they spike the ball today.

Friday, January 19, 2007

People that are less despised than George W. Bush

That list grew shorter by at least one person according to Fox News.
You know things are bad when fewer Americans dislike Dick "Shoot it in his face" Cheney than you. I mean, who's left after that? O.J.? Terrell Owens? Jischke?

Hey, in other news one of the Bush daughters is shopping a book. Although they're both partiers Jenna is the one that had to have some strings pulled so she could get into the University of Texas while Not Jenna went off to Yale like her dad. I hope we can finally get the real story on whether they were actually kicked out of Argentina or not. I'm sure their dad got kicked out of plenty of bars but I'm not sure he ever managed to get kicked out of an entire country before.

OK, OK, one more Republican bashing item. From the state of Texas...

The new governor was having his inagural ball and decided what better way to celebrate than by inviting the Motor City Madman? The Nuge!

Well, the Nuge caused quite a stir apparently.
Using machine guns as props, Nugent, 58, appeared onstage as the final act of the inaugural ball wearing a cutoff T-shirt emblazoned with the Confederate flag and shouting offensive remarks about non-English speakers, according to people who were in attendance.

Personally I'm a little surprised he didn't actually kill any animals on stage but I think he's mellowing a bit in his old age. The sad thing is I'm sure the audience was eating it up.

Paul Reubens....you are NOT the father

I have a confession to make about my TV watching habits. I've done this before when I admitted my love for "Filthy Rich Cattle Drive" but I feel this is a lot worse. I kind of have an obsession brewing over "Beauty and the Geek." (In Colombia it's called "La Bella y El Nerdo". Heehee, I love Spanish.)

Obviously, it's a completely ridiculous show and kills more brain cells than an average night at Welch Avenue Station but I can't turn away. Like a ten car pileup in the other lane of the interstate it sings a sweet siren song that keeps my gaze fixed. I think what I like most about the show is the completely ridiculous gender stereotypes they play up in their contestants. Women are objects of beauty that have little on their mind other than shopping and looking hot (and most of the women they find fit that description to a tee) while the men know everything about math and science but don't know how to dress themselves (once again, they found some pretty big geeks).

Obviously, I tend to identify with the geeks and think that I could probably go on that show except even I might not be quite geeky enough. Most of the guys they find are completely unaware of pop culture beyond the Star Treks or Mystery Science Theaters of the world. Most of the people on the show give lip service to finding out how to expand their boundaries and either accept people for who they are for the women or learn how to talk to girls for the guys. Usually they say something like "come out of my shell" or "have more confidence." The girls usually talk about how amazing the guy is and he's really going to make someone happy and then never talk to anyone like that again in their lives.

They tend to view it as their job to fix the guys without actually learning any lessons for themselves. Now, I'm aware it's a "reality" show so I don't exactly have high expectations for anything or anybody on it but I think it's necessary to suspend reality for a bit when you're watching these shows. When they do this the "lesson" tends to be "geeks need to be fixed so they can focus on important things like looking good or hygiene" which is a somewhat important lesson but not as important as "these guys are probably pretty happy being trekkers or owning 25,000 comic books and shouldn't have to conform to the standard that a 'Playboy model' sets for them."

Most of the girls on this year's show are even more imbecilic and vapid than the year before. I'm not even sure I could stand being in the same room with some of them for more than ten minutes. One of them likes to flirt and stroke the guys leading them on until she lets the camera know that she "would never actually do anything with them." Just some of the most obnoxious behavior I've ever seen.

The "beauties" divided into two groups, interestingly enough the "blondes" and the "brunettes." The blondes lay around the pool all day not reading any of their study material while the brunettes actually show they might have a brain cell or two. One girl was made fun of for playing chess with some of the guys.

Almost as if to prove a point the brunettes have already been eliminated. Something else I've noticed about the show is that for two seasons in a row the token black beauty has been paired with the token Indian geek. Interesting that interracial teammates are verboten, along with women who have a brain.

It kind of bums me out when some of the guys do anything they can to try to please these bimbos but I guess that's the power of silicone. Most of the guys, however, just want to meet a nice girl and have their freaky nerd sex with her all night long. Some of them will stand up to the girls that start crying because they don't want to hurt their other bimbo friends feelings even though they've only known them for about two weeks. And they'll talk about how terms like "geek" are artificial constructs that are meaningless if you really consider how they are applied.

So I tend to like this show and hate myself for doing that but at the same time I kind of enjoy watching the social interactions between these two groups. Plus it's always fun watching people get humiliated.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I can't remember if I mentioned this...

...but I really despise John McCain. Here is an ad MoveOn is running in a few early primary states. He looks like a vampire in some of those pictures and that's reason enough for me to work against his evil power play.

I love you daddy!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Bush's arrogance

In his 60 minutes intverview Sunday Bush said:
I think the Iraqi people owe the, the American people a huge debt of gratitude. That's the problem, here in America. They wonder whether or not there is a gratitude level that's significant enough in Iraq.

I mean, why aren't they thanking us. Surely it's not because of the 34,000 Iraqis killed last year or the fact that only 30% of the country's children regularly attend school due to violence. What's their problem?

Apparently this is the new meme put forth by the administration, that the Iraqis are the ones that are fucking up all of this with their ingratitude and incompetance. The arrogance of these people never ceases to astound me. After a lifetime of various wars and economic sanctions that destroyed the country's infrastructure they were supposed to welcome us with flowers and immediately start voting and jump on board and none of it is our fault that the country is a hellhole right now.

The Game is losing his

Sure, 50 Cent probably isn't the hardest dude out there (even though he has been shot up a bunch) but at least when you're feuding with him there's a certain level of respect. Certainly more respect than feuding with possibly the most famous metrosexual in the world.
Showing a not entirely cohesive understanding of the game Americans call soccer, the South Central-based rapper (Beckham's new side, LA Galaxy, is his local club!) was not entirely effusive about the arrival of the face of Gillette razors in his hood.

"I'd kick David Beckham's ass on any given day," the Game said when asked about Beckham. "I'd just pick the ball up and kick the shit out of the stadium, game over."

Whether the Game's expletive was referring to the ball, Beckham, or simply the action he was planning to take against LA Galaxy's Home Depot Center remains to be seen.

I can't wait to see what Becks comes back with. Game over, man.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Forever your drunken girl


To me, the most shocking thing about this video isn't how drunk Paula is but the fact that she's making a live action Bratz movie.

I heard that the Academy of Pederast Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has already awarded it a lifetime achievement award.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Politics for Geeks


Klingons in the White House? Oh fuck!

But seriously, can someone that knows more about Star Trek than I do explain what the hell he's trying to say?

We'll all be slaves to the master rabbits soon


Not content to create only a master race of humans the Germans have apparently created a master race of rabbits. And they're using them to feed North Koreans. Good lord that thing is huge. Are we sure the North Koreans aren't going to use these things as WMDs? I'd hate to wake up one day and find that all of the gardens in the United States had been eaten. I suppose as long as they're not Rabbots like in Aqua Teen...

"I've called this meeting to say that downtown is no longer safe. So, in short, we need to pick some new restaurants and night clubs."

Are you convinced

El Presidente took to the airwaves last night to try to use his legendary rhetorical skills to convince everyone that sending even MORE soldiers into Iraq will somehow bring forth the great day when all of the Iraqis stop bombing and start buying McDonald's. Despite the fact that the plan has support from very few in Congress and even fewer in the general public (11% according to a CNN poll) he's pretty hellbent on doing it. Like a gambler that's in the hole for a few thousand he's cashing in his savings account to double down in one desperate attempt to save his ass.

The reality is things are probably fucked already and this will just cost even more lives and money. Once again money is never an issue when there's a BS war to be fought but there's never any to be found when it comes to a workable health care program or scientific research on things like renewable energy sources or any other number of things that could be used to strengthen this country. We'd rather dumb trillons into the pockets of war profiteers. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

You know that the plan has broad opposition when ultra reactionary Sam Brownback and Ted Kennedy are essentially on the same side. Among the few leading the charge are two of my least favorite politicians the "Maverick" himself John McCain and the man formerly known as Fox News' favorite Democrat Joe Lieberman. I only half listened to Bush's speech last night but I did hear him drop Joementum's name along with the word "bipartisan." Fortunately, this doesn't refer to Democrats anymore just the Connecticut for Lieberman party.

A funny sidenote on that party. Apparently after the election Joe left his party abandoned so a college professor did the paperwork to join the party, elected himself chairman, and then restricted membership to anyone opposed to or named Lieberman. They are now holding rallies to hold Joe accountable to his party. You know, since he said all the right things to get elected and then backed off as soon as the chance to send more troops to Iraq presented itself.

I would love nothing more than to see McCain tie himself to this escalation, especially since he is the frontrunner for the Republican nominee for president. I really, really can't stand McCain. He has this image of being a maverick and working on both sides of the aisle but he's as wingnutty as they come and has been more than willing to kiss Bush's ring the last few years to gain access to the fundies and moneys that Bush was able to bring in. Speaking at Bob Jones University? No problem, just ignore everything I said about you guys before. Pat Robertson? Nah, we're always been buddies. Campaign finance reform? Umm, I'll go ahead and hold onto your list of big money guys, Mr. Bush. I can only hope that he does win so he can be exposed for the scumbag he is as Edwards or Obama or Clinton or whoever crushes him like a bug.

Whew, I feel better.

An intriguing possibility seems to be presenting itself. The Republicans are having their convention in the Twin Cities and the Democrats appear headed to Denver. Both of these are pretty easy drives for me and it would be fun to be at one of them to protest or whatever. Being with the Dems would be fun but I wouldn't feel as good about protesting them since I would be voting for the nominee in a few months anway. Screwing with Republicans would be infinitely more fun...

Cyclone basketball

There won't be much to write here since I haven't actually seen the Clones play an entire game yet but I thought they deserved some love after starting 2-0 in the conference for just the 4th time in the Big 12. They got a nice road win over Mizzou and then beat an ok Nebraska team last night. They have some pretty exciting players like freshman Wesley Johnson who has already been Big 12 Player of the Week and Freshman of the Week. He has eight double-doubles on the year already and would have a great shot at freshman of the year if Texas' Kevin Durant wasn't playing like the NBA lottery pick he will soon be. (Talk about a beast, he's leading the league in points and rebounds with 23.4 and 10.9.)

Mike Taylor has been ISU's scoring machine averaging just over 16 a game. Unfortunately his play from the point guard spot can make Turnover Guy look like Steve Nash. But this has improved and he's easily the best three point shooter since Sullivan and has hit six in a game three times already, including 6 of 9 last night.

From what I've read Jiri Hubalek finally got the message that he's not a three point shooter and has been playing inside. It always pissed me off to see him out there launching threes when the team couldn't get a rebound to save their lives.

I'm excited to watch them take on KU on ESPN this Saturday and even more excited to be up there for the Baylor game. I think Hilton Magic is on its way back.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Some thoughts on a Wednesday morning

I was watching the Today Show at work this morning and I wondered what's up with those people that wait outside? I mean, they probably have to get there early so they're putting forth a lot of effort to stand behind a little barrier and get their face on TV. I don't really have a problem with the people that have a Happy 86th Birthday Grandma signs because I'm sure seeing her grandkids on TV is quite the ray of sunshine in the depressing fog of her life but there were 40 or 50 people just standing there with a stupid, lobotomized look on their face. Hey, you're on TV, way to go.

Then after work I stopped by Target. Inside there were lots of older women walking around. I suppose since Lawrence doesn't have a mall they have to wander inside of Target to get their workout. What was interesting is that it was only women walking while the little cafe was hopping with old dudes. My first instinct was to make fun of them but then I thought it wouldn't be so bad to hang out with your buddies every day and drink some coffee. The more I think about it the more I can't wait to be old. At least then I'll have an excuse to bitch about everything.

Once I got home I read this headline on SI.com:
Romo's gaffe has some questioning K-Balls
"K-Balls? Who's K-Balls?" I thought. I couldn't figure out if this was some new hilarious nickname for K-Fed or some athlete I hadn't heard of. Unfortunately, it just refers to the balls they use whenever they kick in an NFL game. The inside headlines were just as entertaining though.
Suddenly, K-Balls are an issue
Romo's mishap thrusts 'slick' balls into NFL spotlight

I'm tired of people thrusting their balls into the spotlight.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

ESPN Hype Machine crashes and burns...again

Many of you will remember the hype surrounding the Ohio State-Michigan game nearly 2 months ago. The wall to wall ESPN coverage leading up to what seemed to be destined to be the Game of the Century! The game was ok. Yeah, it ended up being pretty close but OSU had a 2 score lead for most it. According to many this game was the de facto national championship because they were clearly the best two teams in the country and it was a travesty that they wouldn't get their rematch.

And then...they played the bowls. The two Big 10+1 teams lost by a combined score of 73-32. Ohio State looked like dinosaurs trying to keep up with Florida. After the third drive of Gator d-ends running circles around OSU's tackles and playing pitch and catch with wide open receivers this thing was pretty much over.

The difference between the Big 12 and the Big 10 this year? Everyone knew the Big 12 sucked. It's scary to think how close we came to having two Big 10 teams playing each other for the national title. OSU beat a decent Texas team, Michigan beat the only thing more overrated than the Big 10 and that was it. It would have been a travashamockery if one of them won a title without being asked to prove it against somebody else.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Men all want to be hoboes


Is it too much to ask for Bill Belichick to at least wear a sweatshirt with sleeves? I mean, I dress better than he does when I'm laying on my couch watching the game. And I'm probably hungover when I do it!

Earlier this season the NFL had to agree to let some coaches wear a suit on the sideline but apparently they have no problem letting this guy tear the sleeves halfway up his arms. I respect him as a coach (although calling him a "genius" is ridiculous) but he looks like a damn fool out there.

That's a bad week, man

I was flipping through a newspaper today and ran across this in Dear Abby:
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I had an affair with a woman I met at a local benefit. I'll call her "Desiree." As luck would have it, a few years later, Desiree would become my sister-in-law.

My wife has always been jealous of her "more attractive" sister. She reminds me of that fact every time we visit. Now Desiree is having money problems, and she's threatening to tell my wife about our "history" if I don't accommodate her needs.

My marriage is already on thin ice because I ran over my wife's dog and forgot our anniversary in the same week. What should I do? -- BLACKMAILED IN BURBANK

Wow. I guess that makes my week seem a little better by comparison. At least I wasn't blackmailed by my sister in law, killed my wife's dog, and forgot our anniversary. I'm kind of curious about this dog thing. Is his marriage really on thin ice because of it? Did he do it on purpose? I mean, you have to give the guy a break if he didn't run that dog down like a, well, dog, I guess. I guess if you don't tell your wife you slept with her sister and then forget the anniversary you don't have much room for error. I kind of feel like the wife is a basket case anyway and this guy is a scumbag. It's fun making hasty generalizations from a single letter to Abby.
From the NY Times:
WASHINGTON, Jan. 6 — President Bush’s new Iraq strategy calls for a rapid influx of forces that could add as many as 20,000 American combat troops to Baghdad, supplemented with a jobs program costing as much as $1 billion intended to employ Iraqis in projects including painting schools and cleaning streets, according to American officials who are piecing together the last parts of the initiative.

Not to go all jingoistic here but how 'bout a damn jobs program here in the US? Why is it that Republicans think that New Deal stuff is a bunch of shit here but it's good enough to keep us in Iraq?

Bush is hell bent on escalating this war and it's nothing more than throwing good money after bad. It's Stay the Course on steroids and it's not going to do anything but cost more lives and money. Pandora's box is open and I doubt there are enough troops and enough time or money to pacify the country in that manner. If this is McCain's big idea than I think it's pretty clear he doesn't deserve to be president.

Get. Out. Now.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Chiefs recap

Well, I really don't know what to say. I've got the same numb feeling I've had for all six Chiefs playoff games since freaking 1993. Did you know that in the 20 or so years Carl Peterson has been Chiefs GM he has 2 more playoff wins than Matt Millen?

I was expecting a loss today. What I wasn't expecting was not seeing a KC first down until 3 minutes left in the third quarter. I also expected to see things like emotion, caught balls, and Larry Johnson running people over. Apparently he spent a little too much time shaving the Roc-a-fella logo into his head. My uncle thought he just burned his fraternity symbol into his head which would have been a better idea.

Actually it's tough to blame LJ too much since the o-line didn't feel like blocking anyone and the Chiefs playcalling on first and second down seemingly consisted of 10 dives up the middle and 2 passes. It would have been nice to see a playaction pass on the first play but with a run defense that has been that bad I can see why they had to run.

TrINT Green? Well, the human turnover didn't have a good season. Could it be over for him? Once again, you can't place all of the blame on him because the line didn't pass block either. Jordan Black earned the nickname I-65 because his tackle position has been the freeway to the QB and Dwight Freeney traveled that road more than a long-haul trucker today. TrINT's other problem was the damn receivers. Dudes, catch the ball! Kennison 2 drops, Tony G 2 drops, Dante 1 drop. A couple of those were first down catches and could have gotten the offense into some type of rhythm. The whole team looked passionless and unfocused while the Colts were fired up. Especially their defense who had to listen to people rip on them all week.

What I don't understand is Herm's refusal to put Huard into the game. Earlier this week he said he would do that if TrINT struggled because there's nothing left to play for this year. Then at halftime he says there's no way he'll do that. I just don't get it. Green was obviously struggling and the offense could have used any type of spark to get them going.

Special teams...ugh. Dante must be auditioning for Dancing with the Stars or living in the past when he actually had a chance of taking a kick back for a TD. How many times do you need to take the ball three yards deep in the endzone and then fall down on the 16 yardline before you give up on breaking one?

Field goal kicking? Well, missing a 23 yarder is Lin Elliot-esque. Tynes blows.

The most frustrating part for me is that the defense played beyond my best case scenario in the first half. With a competant Chiefs offense the Colts should have had 6 points max at the half. Peyton and his receivers were already bitching at each other and a few KC points really could have put the pressure on them. Ty Law was masterful and one of the few bright spots might have been how pissed off Manning was when they asked about Law after the game. Although scoreboard is the ultimate trump.

Random notes from the TV coverage includes the fact TrINT Green's wife is hot. As Swany put it, Manning has been a whiny little bitch since birth. That was pretty cute watching those kids play football but you can't whine that they tackled you and then run for a TD when they're defending themselves to dad. First, you can't run after you're down and second, that's cheap.

Well, I don't know what else to say. Most of you probably watched the game. Pretty typical day for a Chiefs fan. Obviously they have a ton of work to do on this team. The offense is getting older, the o-line is a shell of what they were last year, the QB is a huge question mark, Tony G and LJ are going to be free agents soon. Scary stuff.

But, the best part of my day was when I got home and saw that the Cyclones got a big road win over Mizzou today so congrats to them.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Sexy Rexy

Let's just say you're a starting QB in the NFL making $50,000 a game headed into the playoffs and your fans have zero faith in you, mostly because everytime you play you throw crippling interceptions. Then let's say you go 2-13 with three interceptions against your team's biggest rival on national TV. What would probably be the dumbest thing you can do? I'm going to guess it's admitting that you weren't focused on the game because you were too busy making plans for New Year's Eve.

"The situation was I felt like I was going to play about a half, and it was the last game, it was New Year's Eve, there were so many other factors that brought my focus away from what is actually important, and that's something that I am never going to do again," he said. "It's another lesson."

Damn, that sucks. I'm sure everyone is really happy they paid $50 or a hundred bucks to watch you play. I mean, why try to get your problems fixed before the playoffs, right?

Warning to Bears fans: MLK, Jr. Day is only a week away...

Touchdown Kan-sas City!

I'm not going to like to you, I'm pretty pumped up for the playoffs this weekend. It's been a few years since I was able to watch the Chiefs in a playoff game and, even though this week's game will be a lot different, it's always a great event. Last time the Chiefs were 13-3, had a home game with an amazing offense and a horrible, horrible defense. It was an agonizing game as Manning shredded the defense and the Colts scored every time they had the ball except for one possession right before the half. One of the radio stations was playing clips from that game as they talked to Dante Hall about his memories of that game. The Voice of the Chiefs, Mitch Holthus, is absolutely one of the best in the business. Just hearing his voice as he calls a big play is enough to get the adrenaline flowing so this got me jacked and thinking about that game versus this one.

First, the story of that game was the Kansas City defense. As I mentioned before Indy didn't punt once that game. Indy still has a fearsome offense but KC's defense has improved light years (and they're still only average) from that team. The biggest key in tomorrow's game will be the play of the d-line. Expectations of the tackles is so low that any big play is pretty much a bonus at this point. Tamba Hali and Jared Allen have shown they can get to the QB and they will need to tomorrow. It would be nice to get a push up the middle but I just don't see that magically appearing. Manning is so good that if you blitz him he can pick you apart if you're not there immediately and will also pick you apart if you drop everyone back and don't get any pressure. The Chiefs will have to get some rush from the outside to hopefully force him into some mistakes. Ty Law has had some outstanding games against Manning in his career so maybe he can do that again. Ty has had some big time interceptions and some big time meltdowns over the course of this season. It's time for him to step up when it counts.

In '03 Dante Hall took back a kickoff 96 yards right after Marvin Harrison went untouched into the endzone on a long TD. Indy had one of the best coverage units and KC had the best return unit that year. This year, it's 180 degrees from that. Indy is dead last in kickoff coverage and Dante has been brutal. He still thinks he's going to break every return except he either runs straight ahead and falls down or tries to run backwards only to get stuffed for negative yards. Don't even get me started on his fumbles... So, it would be nice if Dante could get it going again and at least give the Chiefs some decent field position. Punt blocker extrordanaire Bernard Pollard could be a factor as well.

The matchup that's been talked about the most this week is Indy's run defense vs. Larry Johnson. The difference in the '03 game was a Priest Holmes fumble and a missed field goal (Chiefs miss a big field goal in the playoffs? shocking) but the Colts didn't exactly do a masterful job of stopping KC's offense. Indy's rush defense has been bad. I mean, historically bad.

Joe Posnanski, America's best sports columnist according to the AP, always does a great job on his "(blank) is so bad..." columns. Usually these are about Royals' pitchers but in this case it's about the Colts run defense. He says the Chiefs are going to have to call it the Royals bullpen offense (lots of runs). Of the 40 teams since 1978 to give up 2500 rushing yards the Colts are the only one that made the playoffs. In fact, they've given up the most rushing yards of any team in the last 20 years!

This is the only thing that gives the Chiefs hope. Everyone says the two things you HAVE TO DO to win playoff games is don't turn the ball over and stop the run. The Chiefs need to give it to Larry time and time again. Give it to him on first and ten or third and long. It doesn't matter. This is why it's imperetive that they don't fall behind early but even if they do they need to keep running the ball because that's the best way to score. Larry set a record for carries in a single season and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he gets the ball 40 times tomorrow. When asked if the Colts could win if Larry goes for 150 yards and 2 TDs Tony Dungy said it would be tough. Now, those seem like baseline numbers for the guy so I'm not necessarily buying that but Larry is going to have some big numbers.

What I like about this game is this matchup and the fact that all of the pressure is on Indy. What I don't like about this game is everything else. It's not like the Chiefs have been world beaters on the road this season and Manning has to be licking his chops about the defense. During the Jacksonville game I was telling Swany that every time they show Herm Edwards before he has to make a big call he looks like he just shit himself and he has to figure out how to get to the lockerroom before 80,000 people notice it. It's not exactly a confidence-inspiring moment.

I haven't seen KC win a playoff game in well over a decade but I can't help but feeling somewhat optimistic. Maybe optimistic isn't the right word but I feel loose about the game. I never expected the Chiefs to be in the playoffs so just getting to watch them is a pretty amazing surprise and I think the team might be feeling the same way. They have nothing to do but go out and play football. Maybe that won't be enough but maybe it will. I do know that it's kind of nice to have the shoe on the other foot for once.

It's tough to pick the Chiefs to win and most of the talking heads aren't doing it. They're probably smart not to but I think they have as good or better of a chance of pulling off the upset than any of the other road teams. The Jets are going to get blasted. Romo on the road in one of the loudest stadiums in the NFL? Eli Manning anywhere? Win or lose it's fun to have KC back in the playoffs.

...and the home of the CHIEFS!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Hott role-playing action!

In-a-ppropriate

I read about this on Deadspin and while I may or may not have done some things at a football game that anyone not drunk or in college may quantify as "dumb" or "rude" I'm proud to say I never crapped on the seats of the other team's band. Wow, way to fight those stereotypes, West Virginia.

The guy has a link to pics of the incident but none of the actual deposit. He should get Johnny Cochran to defend him. If the turd isn't in the pic, you must acquit!

Fun with Cheerleaders

There's a pretty awesome scandal brewing in a Texas town over the cheerleaders. Apparently five of them formed a clique straight out of Mean Girls and were running roughshod over the school because one of them had a mother who also happened to be the principal. The trail of destruction these girls left is pretty impressive. We'll see if I can cover it all.
The pictures posted on MySpace.com looked like the latest installment of "Girls Gone Wild." In them, cheerleaders from McKinney North High School in Texas exhibited all variety of bawdy behavior. One shot showed a bikini-clad girl sharing a bottle of booze with a friend. Another featured a cheerleader and several other girls in risqué poses offering glimpses of their panties. But the most infamous photo of all was taken in a Condoms To Go store. Five smiling cheerleaders dressed in uniform posed with large candles shaped like penises. At least one of them appeared to be simulating fellatio.

The investigator into the photos had this to say, "it would be an overstatement to describe any of the photographs as pornographic, but it would be an understatement to describe them as harmless high jinks. Quite frankly, I personally found it 'creepy'." Riiight...so creepy that you made several copies of the photos? Sicko.

Before these pictures came out the girls were ruling the school with an iron fist.
When one teacher told a squad member to quit chatting on her cell phone in class, the girl replied, "Shut up, I'm talking to my Mom." On a separate occasion, she offered this response to the teacher's reprimand: "Pull your panties out of a wad."

The girls were apparently just as ornery in their cheerleading activities, leading five coaches to quit in the last three years. The principal's daughter flipped off one former coach. But instead of kicking the daughter off the squad, school administrators allowed her to quit so she could try out the following year. After the incident, the coach told Jones, Theret "tried to ruin my life over this. I was called a liar, crazy, on meds."

I don't see what the problem is. The girls just like to pull pranks on their new coaches. Let's see what they did to the latest one to quit.
Among the pranks they allegedly pulled on Ward: giving her what the report described as a "chocolate tampon" and sending racy text messages from her cell phone to her husband and another coach.

OK, I might be getting a little old but I hope a "chocolate tampon" is actually a chocolate tampon and not some sort of Dirty Sanchez-esque activity. I shudder to even imagine the possibilities of what that would entail.

I'm sure that after all of this happened the school would finally crack down on the girls, right? Or not.
But a committee of administrators from the school and the district recommended 15-day suspensions for the girls in the drinking photo and 30-day suspensions for those in the condom-store snapshot. After parents protested that the latter picture shouldn't be treated more harshly than the former, the superintendent of schools agreed and reduced the penalty for the condom-store photo to 15 days. In the aftermath, Ward warned the cheerleaders that she would kick them off if there were any more incidents. "Good luck with that," one is said to have replied.

I love the part where they think the photos should be treated the same so they just reduce the other punishment. Texas is such a great state. Every time I think that Friday Night Lights is some sort of exaggeration a news story comes out that make it look like a PG version of the real thing. Keep it up, Texas!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Your mother thanks you, Katie

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

There were good times and there were bad times

First, that Boise State-OU game was one of the best finishes I've ever seen. What an amazing series of events. There was the rising tension during the last few minutes as OU tried to tie the game. They tie it and then take the lead on an interception return on the first throw of BSU's drive. It seemed like it was over then and the Broncos were going home defeated despite playing a great game where they were beating the Sooners for most of it. But, they still had the miracle hook and ladder play on 4th and 18, the wide receiver pass for an overtime TD, and the final statue of liberty play. I mean, it was like a frickin' Disney movie out there but in real life. Just an awesome game and it's always great to see that Bob Stoops face where he can't believe he was just outcoached and his team got beat.

Now let's move on to the bad. There's the spectacle at the Orange Bowl where they trotted out an ancient looking honorary captain for Wake Forest Arnold Palmer. Not to be outdone Louisville drove out a catatonic Muhammed Ali. He looked like he had no clue what he was even doing there as Arnold tried to shake his hand and Dwyane Wade smiled uncomfortably. Why do they feel the need to do this? We can't just have a normal coin toss? There's no need to find the most decrepit living athlete that went to your school or is from your city to put them on display for everyone to mock. I'm a horrible person for thinking it but I don't like to see Ali shaking like that. I like to picture him standing over a defeated Sonny Liston not looking lost at midfield of a college bowl game. I'm not saying he should be banished forever because of his affliction but does he need to show up at every event they invite him to? OK, I know I'm a bad person.

So, what better halftime show than some American Idol winner? I mean, football fans are going to love that shit. Right now all I see is a gray haired man spinning madly on stage and pretending like he's playing the harmonica. Maybe he is playing it but I doubt it. I'm so sick of all this crap. How much hype can you have for a game between Louisville and Wake Forest?