Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The most anarchic sporting event since the NBA All-Star Game in Vegas

I'm talking about the infield of the Preakness. Judging by the YouTube videos coming out from this it looks like a strange combination of a NASCAR Race, MTV Spring Break, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, UNI Homecoming, and American Gladiators only with way more drinking.

First off is the port-a-pottie races. Your goal is to run across the top of the a ridiculously long line of portable crappers without getting knocked off by the hundreds of half full beer cans the rest of the crowd is chucking at you. Watch for the guy at about 1:20 that takes one to the face and drops like he's Glass Joe.

The reverse angle of that guy can be found here. Fortunately a few of the people stop throwing long enough to help him down once he regains consciousness.

The Washington Post attempts to describe the scene and includes an entertaining video of some drunk dude covered in mud attempting to hold himself up while his fat buddy chats away on his cell phone. From there you can find plenty of other videos of drunkies at this thing. Here's one for if you like wasted girls rolling around in filth until some guy helps her up. She's so appreciative she tries to make out with him. Sounds like a weekend at the Hawk.

Here's one of a couple of dudes wrestling on the ground as crowds of people wander by obliviously. The sad thing is there's about a hundred of these just like it that keep showing up in the related videos. I'm not even sure what to say about the pure chaos down there. It looks like a complete nightmare.

Honestly, if you're looking for a reason why al Qaeda hates us this has to rank way ahead of "freedom."

Update: Hey, if you're looking to get home from the Preakness and you may be paralyzed from a dash across the shitters I just got an email from Aaron pointing out the perfect solution.
A German man in a wheelchair was pulled over for driving down the middle of the street and when the police checked him out found he was 10 times the legal limit. However, since it is his only method of transport he can't be charged with a DUI.

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