Wednesday, August 29, 2007

More family values hypocrisy

Shockingly another Republican politician has found himself on the wrong side of the bathroom stall, so to speak. This time it was Idaho Senator Larry Craig who decided to make the most of his layover by trying to get some hot gay sex in the Minneapolis airport men's room.

This Florida columnist offers some sage advice on how to avoid these crazy mixups.
Lesson No. 1: If a guy is in an adjoining stall, it's probably not a good idea to knock and then step into the guy's stall.

This was one of Allen's major social faux pas. Generally, the rule is one guy per stall, except for heart attacks. And even that's a borderline call.

Allen explained that his visit to the undercover officer's stall was to ask "if he's all right."

Allen said he was just checking because there was lightning in the area.

Lesson No. 2: When in doubt, assume that the guy in the next stall hasn't been struck by lightning.

If there isn't a hole in the ceiling, the smell of charred flesh or a deafening ringing in your ears, it's safe to assume that a lightning bolt hasn't crashed into the next stall. So there's no need for a visit.

Lesson No. 3: Limit your "wide stance" tendencies while using a stall in a public restroom.

You should make every effort to keep your shoes on your side of the invisible line that separates your stall from the adjoining stall, especially when it's being occupied by another man.

Craig explained that some of the misunderstanding in his case came from the "wide stance" he takes in a public stall.

The undercover officer in the Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport restroom, while sitting in the adjoining stall, noted that Craig's shoe had crossed the line.

"Craig tapped his toes and moved his foot closer to my foot ..." the officer's report said. "The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area."

This innocent stretching of your leg so that you're inadvertently playing footsie with the stranger in the next stall can obviously lead to an undercover cop jumping to conclusions. Especially when coupled with a violation of Lesson No. 4.

Lesson No. 4: Don't stick your hand under the divider and wiggle your fingers at the stranger in the next stall.

He might think you've been struck by lightning.

Rumors about Craig's sexuality have dogged him ever since he was first elected to Washington and called a press conference to announce that he never had sex with any of his pages before anyone had actually, you know, accused him of doing that. He was the only Congressman to ever issue such a denial before or after the story came out in the media.

It's really sad that there is still so much bias against gays that guys like Craig or Haggard or Foley can't just be gay without resorting to breaking the law. But, possibly the saddest things about Craig's story is that he apparently isn't very good at finding fellow anonymous sex seekers. Here's what the Idaho Statesman had to say:
One man, who was considering pledging with Craig's fraternity at the U of I in 1967, said Craig took him to his room and made what the man said he took to be an invitation to sex. Responding to that allegation in May, Craig said, "I don't hit on any men."

Another man said that in November 1994 Craig "cruised" him at the REI store in Boise. The man, who is gay, told the Statesman that Craig stared at him in a sexually inviting way and followed him around REI for a half-hour. Said Craig: "Once again, I'm not gay, and I don't cruise, and I don't hit on men. I have no idea how he drew that conclusion. A smile? Here is one thing I do out in public: I make eye contact, I smile at people, they recognize me, they say, ‘Oh, hi, Senator.' Or, ‘Do I know you?'

"I've been in this business 27 years in the public eye here. I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!"....

Personally I think he should have just gone with the "why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?" defense.

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