Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Newsie News

A couple of items caught my eye this morning. First a couple of Kansas items.

First, from the town of Wilson, KS, the self-proclaimed "Czech Capital of Kansas", comes the story of a fired police chief. His crime? Stealing beer from the fridge of the Fire Department next door.

From what I've heard it really shouldn't be surprising that Wilson police and fire departments are drunk off their ass all the time. But, come on, where's the brotherhood? You can't be the real heroes if you're stealing from each other!

In the KC area police discovered that there were arrest warrants out for a woman that had run out of gas. They were taking the woman into custody when she asked to use the restroom. In a scene out of the movies she ran out the back door and crawled into a 600 foot pipe. She managed to make it under eight lanes of I-435 before getting stuck when the pipe turned 90 degrees upwards. I'm sure being rescued by the fire department would have been really embarrassing for her except she had long since passed out from hypothermia.

This woman crawled to her (almost) freedom through 500 yards of shit-smelling foulness I can't even imagine, Or maybe I just don't want to.[/Morgan Freeman]

And from the Weekend at Bernie's Department two New York men wheeled their dead friend to the check cashing store in an attempt to get his Social Security money.
"The witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up and keeping him from flopping from side to side," Browne said.

The men left Cintron's body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check, Browne said. The store's clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O'Hare told the clerk they would go and get him, Browne said.

What, no string tied to his hand to make him wave? Plus, they couldn't even spring for a wheelchair, they had to use an office chair!

"Oh, him? He's just being quiet today and asked us to push him around in this office chair all day? No reason. Why no, I don't think he looks kind of stiff today."

An officer dining at a nearby cafe noticed a crowd gathering around the body and called in backup that arrived just as the men were wheeling the dead man inside. Another Perfect Crime foiled...

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