Friday, March 21, 2008

My descent into Madness, part 5

11:42 AM
Hey, I'm back. Right now I'm in what I call the "Golden Zone." This is the zone that exists sometimes when you live in an area that gets two different affiliates and both of them are showing a different game. It happens sometimes during the NFL season and right now 13 is showing Davidson and Gonzaga and 5 is showing Drake (Love the Drake!) vs. the Hilltoppers and their wannabe Grimace mascot. If I want to watch American (FUCK YEAH!) play Tennessee or St. Mary's v Miami I have to get on my computer. Sometimes CBS screws me over and shows a live look-in of the same game. Like right now.

Drake (Hate the Drake!) and WKU is the more entertaining game as both of them are just throwing rocks from downtown. I haven't see WKU play but I know Drake does this regularly. As you can tell I alternately love and hate the Drake. On the one hand it's a pretty awesome story that they have a couple of walk-ons that suddenly started playing out of their minds. This Emmenecker kid never played more than 8 minutes a season until now and suddenly he's the MVC player of the year. Plus he has four freaking majors.

On the other hand, they're Drake and they beat ISU by like 35 this year and were also one of only four teams to beat the '99-2000 Cyclones. I'm not sure I've ever met an actual bigtime Drake fan in my life but I assume they have to exist somewhere. They certainly came out of the woodwork this year. But, when it comes down to it, I'm cheering for them today.

11:49 AM
Commercials. I realize I'm watching a Flomax commercial so I flip over just in time to hear the same commercial say "decrease in semen" again. I'm so glad I'm not a kid anymore watching games with my dad and feeling really uncomfortable hearing about "4 hour erections" and watching that guy throw footballs through a tire. Yeah, I get the symbolism.

11:51 AM
Zags and Davidson scoring quite a bit. Tough to decide which one to watch but it's pissing me off that Zags are up by 8.

11:53 AM
Is it racist to say all of Drake's white guys look alike?

11:54 AM
I can't take WKU's coach seriously with that part in his hair. He's a cowlick away from a starring role in a Little Rascals movie.

12:14 PM
Pizza in the oven. Is it just me or are Subway's 10th Anniversary of Jared commercials the worst idea since using Jared as a spokesperson in the first place? Maybe if I knew how much they were getting paid I would reconsider but it would have to be A LOT of money for me to be in that commercial saying things like "in college you were 450 pounds" or whatever.

12:21 PM
Still thinking about Jared. I think the whole concept is bullshit. There are tons of ways to lose weight and probably many that are less expensive and healthier than eating Subway every day. Are we to believe he's been eating these for 10+ years?

12:22 PM
CBS once again has all of their games at halftime. Nice work. Drake gives up a run at the end of the half to go down 9.

12:43 PM
Davidson falling apart but American (FUCK YEAH!) is hanging with the Vols.

12:53 PM
I like how they're the American Eagles. I'm just waiting for the Abercrombie Andfitches to make the tourney.

I found out that in my bracket with my extended family I somehow failed to change one of my picks to Notre Dame so I actually only had 12 points and am in last there. I'm bringing shame to the family while my dad picked 15 of 16. Clearly he's been holding back his knowledge. We do, however, have the same final four (along with 75% of the rest of America, I think).

12:57 PM
Oh snap, two white guys just combined for an alley oop from past halfcourt. Not that I want to perpetuate racial stereotypes but that not something you see very often. I'm going to have to write a long post about how teams with white guys are always described as playing fundamental basketball no matter how they play just so I don't feel guilty about typing that.

12:59 PM
You're killing your father, St. Mary. You too, Drake. Come on, guys. Miami has gone up 6 and Darke is down 13. Zags up 5. I'm looking at a 1-3 morning.

1:04 PM
Things are getting interesting. I Am American (and so can you) has weathered some torrid Tennessee shooting to cut it to 1 (and as I type it Tennessee hits another three to go up 6). Davidson and the Zags are tied. Drake still can't defend WKU and channel 5 has switched to the Tennessee game. Speaking of Tennessee, why do you hate America?

1:06 PM
St. Mary is now down 14 to Miami. Wha happened?

1:07 PM
But, seriously, St. Mary, you see what happens? You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?

1:08 PM
Gonzaga is a 7 seed and has to fly across the country to play in the home state of the 10 seed?

1:10 PM
Some band in the Davidson game is butchering "Land of 1000 Dances." My high school pep band played that and we sounded way better than they did. Despite that this game is awesome.

1:18 PM
Anybody seen the commercial with the young Gred Oden look-alike sporting some sort of lambchop/beard combo playing pop-a-shot?

The bar across the street closed early and left their music on all night. It's still on now. If I actually slept here I might have walked over and ripped their expensive new patio speakers off the wall.

That CBS commercial reminded me that I don't think I watch a single one of their shows. Amazing Race and....? Is Ghost Whisperer on this channel? I watched that once. Great show. Apparently she talks to ghosts and gets them to go to heaven or something. It's like Ghostbusters but with a better looking lead character.

1:23 PM
The band in the Davidson game is now playing the Hey cheer. They really are noticably terrible.

Gonzaga throwing up horrible shots. St. Mary crawling back? Drake crawling back? The terrorists (Tennessee) are about to declare victory over American. They will be "Dancing in the streets" according to Rep. Steve King.

Oooooh! Huge rebound and shot by Davidson. Nice.

1:29 PM
Oh my God. Or should I say "Jesus?" They just showed Adam Morrison who apparently hasn't cut his hair since he was at Gonzaga. No wonder he hasn't done shit in the NBA with hair like that. Remember when he and Reddick were the best players in college basketball? Can imagine them going against Beasley or Hansbrough? Morrison still has the molester 'stache and is dressed in all black. He looks super depressed.

1:32 PM
Stephen Curry has 37 points....and counting. Up to 39. Damn. Davidson is going to win.

1:34 PM
This game is essentially over with 7 seconds left but CBS won't change to the other games. I hate you, Clark Kellogg. Curry's mom is sobbing as he is about to score his 41st point. Check that, he choked. He's got 40, 30 in the 2nd half. Billy Packer takes credit for predicting it.

1:36 PM
We switch over and Drake is within 5 with 3:07 left. Korver hitting from deep to bring them back. Those damn Korvers and their dominating the Missouri Valley. I want to see the Dieners vs the Korvers to see who controls the Midwest once and for all.

1:37 PM
Dieners will kick you in the face but I still take the Korvers.

1:41 PM
WKU falling apart...DRake within 1 on Young's three! Announcer: "Only the young survive!" Huh? What does that even mean? And when did Omar Epps start coaching for Drake?

1:44 PM
I'm pretty sure a Drake sign in the crowd says "DONT STOP BELIEVEIN". I thought Drake was a good school. Reminds me of what an ISU student was at a rally for more funding for the universities and had some ridiculous misspelling that made national news. For a while we were known for that, CUFFS (the BDSM club on campus), and Larry Eustachy. Hey, we invented the electronic digital computer too!

1:45 PM
Tie ballgame. Drake is nails. Cox has 17 points in the last 10 minutes.

1:46 PM
Really questionable charge call against WKU. Drake drives the lane and...swatted away. Going to overtime. Still think the charge call was really bad.

1:56 PM
"Emmenecker is like the buffet of the 3 point shooters. Who do I want to tee up next?"
BEcause you tee up a buffet? I don't get it.

1:58 PM
WKU inexplicably fouls with 30 seconds left in a tie game. It appeared to be intentional. Horrible end of game management. The announcer just called Korver's dad "one of the best pastors in the midwest." Yeah, like you would even know. Give me a break.

2:06 PM
Wild ending. Drake had about 5 tips and then gets fouled. 2 free throws and they go up 1 with just over 5 seconds left.

I'm shocked by how many Drake fans there are at this game. When I was at ISU they probably didn't have that many in their gym for a home game all season. It shouldn't surprise me though. As Swany and I used to say, "Iowans love a bandwagon." I wonder where all of those Rams fans are now that Kurt Warner is gone...

Holy shit...WKU hits the three to win. OH....SNAP!

2:10 PM
Goodbye Drake. Not that you cost me a pick in my bracket I can finally stop liking you. I hope your program returns to mediocrity and ISU beats you by 40 next year. :)


2:16 PM
Some intense games in the early session. 2 of the 3 going on now are also tight but I need a quick break...

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