Friday, April 18, 2008

I'm not gonna do what everybody thinks I'm gonna do and FREAK OUT!

I feel like I should make some sort of announcement here since I know there are some readers that I don't get to talk to much but still should be updated on my life. This is kind of hard for me to talk about but I got fired from my first job last week.

Yeah, bummer, I know. I really never thought I would be the type of guy that would get fired. The people that would get fired were the people that wouldn't show up for days at a time or stole from the cash register or something. Not responsible me!

Since it's pretty evident they will never give me my job back I feel liberated to tell the story (besides this blog is for entertainment purposes only, nothing in it is true). It was a Monday and KU was playing in the national title game that night. I decided that I really needed to watch this game downtown since the last few games were absolutely crazy and tens of thousands of people were going to be there. How often am I ever going to be in a situation where I'm in a college town that is cheering on the hometown team for a national title? My days in Ames passed without getting that chance thanks to that highway robbery that occurred in Auburn Hills but here was another chance. I had fully jumped on the bandwagon and become one of the biggest Jayhawk homers around (but never cheered for them against ISU). The only thing standing between me and an overcapacity bar full of screaming fans was the fact that I was scheduled to work at my job as a residential assistant for adults with developmental disabilities at 10:30 PM. (Yeah, I was a goddamn hero until last week.)

Fortunately I came down with a convenient illness. Now, granted, on most days I would have sucked it up and gone to work but here was my way out. I called my boss and she said I needed a doctor's note so I made an appointment and got checked out. The doctor was nice enough to write me a prescription for some type of cough suppressor and wrote that due to my respiratory illness I should not go to work for 24-48 hours. I'm infectious! I can't go spreading this illness around to the guys at my house! That would be irresponsible.

What wouldn't be irresponsible would be going to stake out a good spot at the bar at about 4 PM. The actual game watching was one of the best experiences I've had forever. This bar, like every other bar or restaurant in town with a TV, was wall to wall packed with every type of stereotypical Lawrencian there is. Hipsters, frat dudes, slightly obnoxious middle aged people, freaks, geeks, the whole ball of wax. And all of them were cheering every single basket and rebound for the entire game. Then, just when things were looking their worst they complete one of the most amazing comebacks in championship game history. When Chalmers hit that shot I thought the place was going to explode. After the game was over everyone spilled into the streets to celebrate.

It was so crazy that within minutes I had lost everyone in my group. I did, however, find three single shoes covered in mud. I saw people I knew from home, people in my classes, I even saw my old neighbor pissing in the doorway of a cellphone store. After a while I decided I'd had enough and needed to head home. Unfortunately I still had one more person to see.

"Hi, Ben!" a chipper voice rang out. I look over and I'm practically walking next to my boss.
"Uhh, hi."
"How are you doing?"
Think, think, think, dammit! I've got nothing.
"Umm, I'm feeling like shit but I'm pretty happy we won."
She turns to go to her car and I cross the street.

I don't even really want to relive the phone call the next morning but how she put it was something like, "Ben, after seeing you out last night I think we're going to have to let you go."
Go where, I thought. Sure, I figured I was in trouble but I actually was sick and had a note and prescription to prove it. All she saw was me walking a few blocks from my house. It's not like I was swinging from a light pole with my dick hanging out like a bunch of other attention whores. However, none of my arguments swayed her and even the email I sent later could do nothing to change her mind. In her condescending reply she said it's hard for me to see "the big picture" and how disruptive it is when people miss shifts. Yeah, no shit, but I barely even take vacation, let alone call in sick every other week like everyone else I work with. Over a year of valid service goes down the shitter for this? Ah well.

I was pretty bummed for a while because I won't get to hang out with the guys at the house and how many jobs are there that pay you to sleep? However, I've come around to realize the whole situation was absurd and should you really feel bad about losing a job that pays about $7 an hour? I'm about to be raking in that fat grad school stipend, suckas. Unfortunately, before I get there, I'm probably going to have to get some lameass 2nd shift factory job that pays me halfway decent so I can still work in the lab most of the day. The worst part of it for me is now I have to go find a new job and learn something different and I have to keep working under people that piss me off. However, the best part is thinking about how this will most likely be the last shit job I ever have. Ha, and it only took me until 27 to leave those behind...


Blogger rcombs said...

Thanks for the sound effect. That was key to understanding your experience. So I thought of a great idea. You know how you spend your days studying the herpes virus in the biochem lab? Well I'm thinking it might feel kinda cool if you could bring home a little container of the herpes virus and we could infect your old boss with it. I think after we do that we can let this thing go.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Umm, I think that might be a little harsh. I'd prefer not to get fired from another job and probably arrested but thanks for thinking about it.

The situation is just so dumb that I can't really be mad at anyone, just dumbfounded.

Also, I think I've played that horn about 50 times since I found it. It makes me laugh every single time. I wish I could carry it around with me and push a button that would play it at opportune times.

3:31 PM  
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