Thursday, June 19, 2008

Bow down to your new trivia overlord

Tonight I competed in "1 on 1 Trivia" a local cable access program here in Lawrence. It's basically what it sounds like. They take 2 people and face them off in a trivia contest at a local bar. One day I was watching the program and the two contestants were absolutely worthless so I decided that I needed to go on this show. I emailed the producers, they said they would get back to me, and I promptly forgot about it.

Fast forward a few months and they ask me to participate in a taping. The location of the bar was Conroy's Pub, a bar in a shopping center that turns out is a local poker hotspot and host to "Over 40 Singles Night" every Friday. I'm just finding out about this place now, why?

I get there and sign my "talent release" (ooh, sounds so professional). By the time the filming actually started I was kind of amped up and, forget about the jimmy leg, I had the full jimmy body going. They had all of the bright lights cranked up in our faces and the camera zoomed in to uncomfortable closeness to my face. It was then that I started having flashbacks to high school...

In Kansas one of the Topeka stations produces a show called "High-Q" where Nerd Bowl teams from across Kansas compete to be one of the final 16 that gets to go on TV. We went to Topeka to take the qualifying test where it is just out team in a room getting the same questions everyone else is. Not only did we win our size classification but we were one of the top 16 teams in the state that allowed us to come back to WIBW's studios to face off against Thomas More Prep, a private school from Hays or some bullshit. We were a motley crew dressed in jeans and sweaters going against their team that had matching shirts and what not. And we got crushed. Not just crushed but humiliated. We completely melted under the pressure of the cameras and the bright lights. It wasn't pretty. I have the tape in my possession and to this day have never watched it because it was so embarrassing to get beat like that...

So, here it was. The lights, the cameras, the cheering section in the crowd. It was my moment to redeem myself or finally admit that I just don't have it and will always be a AAA trivia master that doesn't have the fastball to get into the majors.

The questions begin and I get a couple that I know. I know that I have a solid cheering section behind me and I start to get into a groove. Next thing I know the first round is over and I have a commanding lead. My opponent is panicking. He has already resorted to trying to make funny answers instead of educated guesses. The next round continues and I find myself giving answers that I wouldn't have even thought I would know. Like some question about the hideout of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid? I wasn't really sure but somewhere in the back of my mind I remember reading about a hideout called "The Hole in the Wall" and it was right. At that moment I was one with the questions. It got to the point where I was considering having mercy on this poor kid but then I thought, "eh, fuck it. Pick up your sticks, son."

Somewhat unfortunately things got a little embarrassing during the lightning round when I was forced to answer consecutive questions regarding the network of "The Real Housewives of New York City" and the actor that played Mr. Big on "Sex and the City." The host asked, "how do you know that?" "I wish I didn't," I responded. To be fair, he knows enough worthless shit that he competed in the "World Series of Pop Culture" on VH1.

Going into the final round I had amassed an insurmountable 240-100 lead. I decided not to take chances and bet 39 while he gave in and bet 47 or something. It was some question about a volcano in the Phillipines that I didn't know but it didn't matter and I ended the night as KING SHIT OF TRIVIA MOUNTAIN! WHY WOULD YOU FUCK WITH ME?

Well, technically they filmed another show after mine but it was between two sisters who answered "The Congo" as a city in Kenya and "Spain" as the city that is home to the World Health Organization so I'm pretty sure I could have destroyed them too. Afterwards the producer came up and said that I had the highest score they'd seen in a long time so I have no problem in declaring myself as the trivia-est bastard in all of Lawrence right now. If anyone has a problem with it grab a Trivial Pursuit and come on over.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's wrong with a quiz bowl team having matching shirts?

I really enjoyed this one - "pick up your sticks" was the perfect reference there.


8:03 AM  
Blogger erin said...

woot woot - i can't wait to see it on the tv!

8:24 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

There's nothing wrong with matching shirts just that they were way more prepared than we were.

11:10 AM  
Blogger schlokhre said...

Tundra or Taiga or however you spell it... Next time we meet, we will watch that video... Gold Bears forever!

Congrats on being Lawrence┬┤s trivia bad ass!

5:13 AM  

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