Thursday, August 07, 2008

Adventures in Douchebaggery

I found this story on Deadspin about two New York Giants fans who traveled to Nicaragua in order to find one of those "Patriots 19-0" shirts. Pretty much everything about this story made me despise them.

Anyway, the gist of the story is that they make up championship shirts and hats for both teams before the game and then send the losing team's gear to developing countries. There was the old joke about people in Africa thinking the Buffalo Bills were the greatest team of the 90's. Anyway, that actually happens and there were some pictures that came out of some kids wearing these shirts which inspired these guys to go down there and try to find them. I'll quote the main parts but really the whole article should be read just to get the full flavor of their condescending attitudes.
IN A PERFECT WORLD, the hat would be sitting on Tom Brady's mantle and the woman holding the hat in an impoverished and remote village in Central America would still have her teeth.

But there is perfect and there is near perfect, and the slightest difference explains how I came to be standing in a puddle of mud, carefully balancing a 75-pound purple backpack on my shoulders in San Gregorio, Nicaragua, urging my new best friend Hannibal to assure the toothless woman that we were serious about giving her actual money for this hat.
Yep, in a perfect world this woman wouldn't be living in crushing poverty but, well, what're ya gonna do? So, they're on their way to Costa Rica and decide they're going to swing by Nicaragua to see if they can find the village that was supposedly rocking these shirts. Turns out it's actually a village 8 km away so they catch another bus.
San Gregorio's mud-soaked road farted underneath our sinking feet as a flock of teenage boys descended upon us like vultures encircling a carcass. We were scouring the area trying to find someone -- anyone -- who spoke English when we met Jose Samuels.
Nice prose. Overwrite much? So, after searching for a while and finding a few English speakers they eventually find what they're looking for.
Hannibal quickly led us to a row of one-room hovels, where we met a wrinkled woman sitting outside in a mint-green dress and a white apron. Her warm smile revealed a mouth lacking teeth. Hannibal and the woman talked for a few minutes. I reminded Hannibal that we were willing to pay money for a hat or shirt. The woman entered her shack and returned with a black plastic bag.

My fingers curled with anticipation as Ilan removed a fresh, clean shirt and a never-worn hat. This could have been Brady's. This should have been Brady's.

The woman couldn't believe we were willing to pay money for these things. We gave her $5, a sizable amount in the area, and handed Hannibal an equal finder's fee before sprinting down the road as the bus began to gain speed out of town. The driver slowed to let us on.
Five bucks? Seriously? Yeah, I'm sure it was a "sizable amount in the area" but that still seems pretty cheap to go all that way and then leave her with five freaking bucks.
On the bus, I studied the "19-0 Perfect Season" hat and pointed out to Ilan the line etched into the red and blue Velcro strap: "WE WANTED IT MORE."

Not as much as we did.
Douche. Bag.

I mean, it's a good story, I guess, but it just seems more than a little exploitative to travel all the way to this remote incredibly poor village to pay $5 for a shirt and a hat given by a charity just so you can talk some smack back home. Get a life.



Blogger Paul Hattan said...

I would pay SIX dollars, hard American cash, for a picture of Marcus Fizer and Jamaal Tinsley carrying LArry off the court, while Mateen Cleaves sits under the basket holding his vagi..i mean ankle.

But only if doesn't smell like dirty, toothless, guatmalan hippies.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

This made me laugh a lot but then I thought about it and I would definitely pay like 7 or 8 dollars for that.

2:10 AM  

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