Thursday, January 08, 2009

Tim Tebow died for your sins

And don't you forget it.

I'm just finishing up watching the BCS title game which featured Oklahoma against Florida led by Jesus...err, Tim Tebow. Tebow is one of those guys that the announcers just love except this actually even goes beyond that. Announcers may never shut up about Brett Favre or Tyler Hansbrough and their athletic accomplishments but at least we don't also have to hear about what a great fucking person they are. On and on it goes.

Quick sidenote but Fox's production of these BCS games was abysmal. Why did anyone think it was a good idea for them to do zero college football games throughout the year and then throw four of the five biggest ones on their network? The announcers are clueless (tonight's guys usually do baseball), they have way too many gimmicks (like the "OU Between Snaps" clock that failed miserably every time they tried to use it), they try to show the band after every single play, the list goes on. It's just been amateur hour every night. As much as I hate to say it I might actually be in favor of the games moving to ESPN whenever their contract starts. You know it's bad if I believe that.

Anyway, here are some Tim Tebow True Facts I learned from the game tonight. Tebow was home schooled, Tebow's family sold everything they have to start a mission, Tebow is a great Christian (and in case you forget it he helpfully writes a Bible verse on his eye black strips, John 3:16 today, and puts his hands together in a praying motion after touchdowns). Just wearing a Livestrong bracelet isn't enough for Tebow...he has TWO OTHERS! I have no idea what they're for or why he feels the need to wear all that crap on his arm when he plays but dammit, Tebow's just trying to do his part! People in the Philippines have named their children after him! After their one loss this year Tebow started crying at the press conference promising that no one would practice harder or push his team more than he would. Then, he just said "God bless" and walked off stage. I know you will I'm exaggerating but this shit went beyond any sort of satire I could come up with.

More than once the announcers said that hanging around Tebow will "make you a better person" and "can change your life." It's impossible to tally up the number of references to his faith but rest assured it was about every other play. After he scored the final touchdown they went into a litany of countries he lived in, accomplishments, whatever. I was sitting there in disbelief about all of this when they actually said "he's lived in an orphanage and a leper colony." At that point I just started laughing. I mean, like I said, this is beyond parody. Does he love Jesus or is he Jesus?

So, old Jebus Tebow himself is icing the game and decides he's going to get in an OU player's face to talk some shit. Whoops, 15 yard taunting penalty. Stuff like that is classic. I'm sure he really is a good guy but if you're going to talk about your faith constantly and make such a big show about it shouldn't you maybe not spend all game running around screaming at people like a d-bag? After this penalty the announcer could only say, "that may be the first thing he's ever done wrong!"

Ugh, I give up. Praise Tebow!

57 Comments:

Blogger Shawn said...

Thank you for making me feel not so crazy. That shit was out of control. For those who didn't watch, The Basement's account is spot on, there is no exaggeration here as to how desperate the broadcast team was to deify this guy.

At one point, the play-by-play guy, Brenneman says to color commentator Davis, almost as a confession, "YOU got a chance to meet him, I, I did not." FOR SHAME, Brenneman. I was waiting for him to follow up with - "What, what was it like to have Tim Tebow inside... inside your soul???"

Then after Tebow taunts the OU dude with the Gator chomp - the ISU equivalent being Austin Arnaud whipping out a set of keys and jingling it furiously in a cornerback's face - the commentators absolve him by saying "you know, a lot of times the first guy does the real taunting and it's the second guy who always gets caught." I'm wondering if ol' Tim The Baptist hadn't already poured the holy oil on these guys before the game just in case to save their souls before he had to go win the football trophy.

And just a note, this whole Tebow worship was only SLIGHTLY worse than their horrible analysis and coverage of the rest of the game. Key plays would be replayed only once or twice FROM THE SAME ANGLE, and it appeared that this Brenneman guy was watching the game on the ten second delay FCC feed, he had no idea what was going on the whole time. Bring on the ESPN, Fox sux.

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Blogger Shawn said...

The reviews are in:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/09/sports/ncaafootball/09sandomir.html?ref=sports

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The moment you figured out you won, you must immediately yell BINGO, and it should be loud enough for the floor walker to hear. The pot money shall be given to the winner once their winning card is confirmed. Well, in winning or once you know you just won, the most important thing is that you shout the winning word BEFORE the time elapses. If the game proceeds and the next number is mentioned and you failed to shout "Bingo", your winning card is disqualified. Therefore, this is the rule you must know.

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