Thursday, February 19, 2009

Real Mutha Fuckin' GOPs

This post from Daily Kos pretty much made my day. It starts by quoting a Washington Times story on the new Republican National Committee chairman, Michael Steele, and his attempts to jump start the fading GOP. I read it and honestly thought it was a satire piece until I realized they actually were quoting the article.
Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party's principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.” [...]

Under Mr. Steele's helm, the “old” may seem inappropriate in the Grand Old Party's affectionate nickname. He said he is putting a new public relations team into place to update the party's image.

“It will be avant garde, technically,” he said. “It will come to table with things that will surprise everyone - off the hook.”

Does that mean cutting-edge?

“I don't do 'cutting-edge,' “ he said. “That's what Democrats are doing. We're going beyond cutting-edge.”
Holy shit that was awesome. Kos compares it to the Simpsons' episode, "The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show" where the producers of "The Itchy and Scratchy Show" add a surfing, skate boarding, rasta-fied dog that loves to recycle....TO THE EXTREME! in an effort to appeal to kids. It's almost too perfect.

Lady: We at the network want a dog with attitude. He's edgy, he's "in your face." You've heard the expression "let's get busy"? Well, this is a dog who gets "biz-zay!" Consistently and thoroughly.

Krusty: So he's proactive, huh?

Lady: Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.

Meyer: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? [backpedaling] Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. [pause] I'm fired, aren't I?

Myers: Oh, yes.
So, there's Steele using words like "avant garde" and "off the hook" while having absolutely no clue what any of them mean. Also, is there ANYTHING about the GOP that is in any way even remotely "avant garde"? Plus, he even GOES BEYOND CUTTING EDGE! He's so far ahead of cutting edge he's not even using a knife! I have no idea what's beyond the cutting edge but the Republicans are there....TO THE EXTREME!

So, what's driving all of this?
”There was underlying concerns we had become too regionalized and the party needed to reach beyond our comfort” zones, he said, citing defeats in such states as Virginia and North Carolina. “We need messengers to really capture that region - young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ... We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

But, he elaborated with a laugh, “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”

So, you know, take all those conservative policies that screw poor people but convince those people that they're actually a good idea by putting a "phat" beat behind them. Also, one-armed midgets? Dude, that is not the preferred nomenclature. Little people, please. And "uptick our image"? Another nice buzzword.

Republicans are hilarious because they see all of Obama's success and decide that the best way to counter all of that is with a black guy of their own and a new "hip hop" image. Hello! Your policies have failed. No one wants you anymore but I guess if you're going to be around you can go ahead and keep entertaining me with slightly offensive efforts at outreach like this one.

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