Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Step one for Operation "Republicans: Off Da Hook" fails miserably

I didn't actually watch more than a few snippets of Obama's speech, choosing, instead, to celebrate Fat Tuesday with Newcastle and red beans and rice. From what I've read most people think he did a pretty good job and the early poll numbers certainly seemed to reflect that. However, most of the buzz has been about Louisiana Governor (and 2012 presidential hopeful?) Bobby Jindal's epic rebuttal fail. Here are a few spliced together clips of the lowlights along with the Fox News(!) commentators absolutely hammering him. Wow, really?

After viewing this I wondered if this guy had ever given a speech in his life. His inflection and tone were just so incredibly bad and unappealing to anyone who might be watching. This comparison has been made thousands of times today but it's too perfect not to say he's an absolute dead ringer for the sound and speaking style of Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock. Hilarious.

I'm not sure if you've seen the content of his speech but telling a story about the government failure during Hurricane Katrina is supposed to do what? Remind us of what a complete disaster the last Republican administration was? Republicans are trying to go back to their old playbook that calls for "claim government can't do anything right." Well, after living through the last 8 years the lesson most people seem to have learned it is actually important to have a competent government and if you're intent on proving government can't work or don't think it will work even if you try then maybe you shouldn't be in charge anymore. Well, according to Bobby the lesson is:
The strength of America is not found in our government. It is found in the compassionate hearts and the enterprising spirit of our citizens. We are grateful for the support we have received from across the nation for the ongoing recovery efforts. This spirit got Louisiana through the hurricanes and this spirit will get our nation through the storms we face today.
Well, all of that compassionate heart and enterprising spirit kind of sucked at getting people evacuated or maintaining a levy so we decided to go ahead and delegate those responsibilities to the government.

It turns out that Bobby is an even less imaginative play caller than Dan McCarney on 3rd and Long because right after "blame the government for everything" in the playbook is the "find seemingly outrageous examples of spending to demonize" play.
It includes $300 million to buy new cars for the government, $8 billion for high-speed rail projects, such as a "magnetic levitation" line from Las Vegas to Disneyland, and $140 million for something called "volcano monitoring." Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C.
Ooh, Congress burn.

This is where it really gets hilarious. Apparently buying more fuel-efficient cars from our struggling car makers won't create jobs or save money! That supposed $8 billion for a train from Vegas to Southern California? Umm, doesn't exist. That money will be spread around to routes already designated by the Department of Transportation as ready for an upgrade. Even if it did go to Vegas it's not like millions of people travel there every year anyway, right? Then there's something called "volcano monitoring." Ha! Who would ever want that? Well, besides the people that live next to volcanoes or around fault lines, I guess. If the government doesn't monitor these things who exactly does Bobby think will do it?

The rest of the speech was pretty blah. More of the usual but he did mention that Republicans believe in equal access to health care for everyone which was news to me. Too bad their actions don't exactly reflect that but maybe they'll be open to some changes once Obama gets around to tackling that issue (ha, fat chance).

I didn't know much about this guy coming in having only read about him but I knew that he was supposed to be the GOP's big realistic (sorry, Sarah) hope at countering Obama's change. Hey, we've got a brown guy, too! Having seen him I'm not sure the American people are ready to elect a peppier Mr. Rogers as president, especially when all he does is shit on popular ideas while offering nothing compelling of his own.

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