Thursday, March 26, 2009

Perfect cows for the perfect race

A company called CyClone Dairy (classy name, by the way) has been advertising on the internets lately in an effort to roll out their milk products from cloned cows under the slogan "Perfect Cows. Perfect Milk."

I decided to check out their website and have to say they convinced me. The first thing I noticed is the perfect Aryan family having a nice family picnic in what must be southern Germany or something. I mean, this picture has to be lifted straight out of the Goebbels handbook or something. Maybe it's just me but with all of the "perfect" and "wholesome" talk these lily-white blond-haird blue-eyed good looking folks are kind of creeping me out. Except for that mom. A little too much dark hair, no? Suspicious.

Then there's the "About us" section that features a good-looking blond scientist making a brilliant discovery of some sort of atomic model. Off to the side hot blond shopper Joanne has this to say, "Knowing that CyClone Dairy comes from only perfect cows makes me feel good. Thank you, CyClone Dairy."
You're welcome, hot blond shopper.

"Why Cloning?"
Apparently so good-looking blond women pregnant with the future of the Aryan race will have strong, good-looking, and most importantly, blond offspring.

Hm, all this science talk is kind of boring me. Let's have some "Fun Facts on Cloning."
1. A cow produces almost 10 gallons of milk per day – that’s 160 cups!
2. Every cell in an animal contains DNA – a molecular “secret code” describing everything about that animal!
3. DNA is organized in bundles called chromosomes. Humans have 46 chromosomes. Cows have 60!
4. A cloned animal has the exact same DNA as the original animal. It’s like creating an identical twin – only born years later!
5. Cows have four stomachs!
6. You can lead a cow up a flight of stairs, but not back down – its knees can’t bend that way!
WOW! That's amazing, CyClone Dairy!

"Clones in Food"
Here they assure us that this is all very legal. The center picture features (blond!) cows in an idyllic pasture while the offset picture has, hmm, an east Asian man? Well, he's not the perfect race but he does agree that it's the perfect way to start your day. I guess we can make a temporary alliance.

"FAQ" featuring another blond kid
I don't know, something seems unethical about this...
Are there any ethical issues about cloning?

No.
Oh. Well, glad we settled that issue.

CyClone Dairy. The perfect milk for the perfect race.

1 Comments:

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Ted

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