Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Glenn Beck even more insane that I once imagined

For a brief, sad period in my life I listened to a lot of Glenn Beck on the radio. Don't worry, I wasn't some right-wing reactionary who took marching orders from a recovering alcoholic Mormon convert, I was just really bored. Really, really bored. At the time I was working what is possibly the most boring job ever. When I describe this job to people they have trouble comprehending how someone could do that for 8 hours a day. Without going into a lot of details I was picking kernels off of an ear of corn and looking for ones that had a purple top and a white center as opposed to ones that had a purple top and a purple center. Yes, seriously.

Fortunately, one of my good friends was working across the table from me so we screwed around a lot. We would find innovative ways to waste time, discuss the best way to work on a crossword without your boss noticing, argue about something meaningless, and, eventually, listen to right-wing radio. Our radio options were limited to say the least. There was the alternative station that was ok in small doses but literally played the same songs in the same order, sometimes even in the same day. There was classic rock which was alright but got to be pretty repetitive. For a while they had some gimmick where they would play some ten song rock block in the morning and we would have a contest to see who could guess the highest number of bands that would be played. Then there were endless other crappy stations that other people wanted to listen to but since we were there the most we were usually in control of the radio.

Finally there was talk radio which is usually sports or conservative bullshit. Talk radio really is the best thing for wasting hours upon hours so we would listen to that. Jim Rome was usually good for some really awkward moments with the bosses so we couldn't really listen to him and the local sports talk was pretty boring. This meant that we'd often go for the Glenn Beck, some local show whose name I've forgotten, and then, to cap it off, Sean Fucking Hannity.

The local show was great because they had a liberal guy who loved to make outrageous points and a conservative guy who was always amazingly outraged but was pretty much a complete moron. Their arguments were hilarious because the conservative guy would always get owned and make the dumbest points possible. He was always trying to come up with these hypotheticals except they never quite made sense.

Hannity was pretty much there just to cause pure rage. I mean, we hated this guy with a passion and found that the best way to deal with the last few hours of work was to direct our anger towards something like the second biggest asshole on radio. We totally owned him with our sarcastic comments too.

Glenn Beck was kind of a different beast. He had some kind of funny bits and once in a while would say something that would make sense (like, once a week or so) but we never really hated him. It was more of a mocking thing. He was just kind of a tool that always had his moral outrage sensor set way, way too high. Plus, his audience was really like some kind of cult so that was kind of cool.

After the year of hell working that job (only part of which involved 8 hours of corn picking, thank God) I have probably only listened to five minutes of his show but I did notice that he was at CNN (which was hilarious after hearing him whine about them for so long) and now on Faux News. I started hearing about this weird shit he was doing like running specials on the coming war between conservative and liberals and bullshit like that. Then I saw the clip of him with his creepy eyes doing his whole "We Surround Them" special event. Did you notice all of the conservatives surrounding you? Me neither. Anyway, I meant to write about all of that but kind of forgot until I saw this hilarious video of Stephen Colbert taking him down so just watch that instead. Enjoy!
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I mean, holy shit, get this guy some help.

3 Comments:

Blogger erin said...

colbert is HILARIOUS! that bit is priceless...glenn beck is a nut, by the way....i definitely think he's morphed into a psychopath whose rants are unintelligible and lunatic...i recently saw his commentary on the marijuana legalization debate (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZR0IkyAz8w) - his little cartoony captions are to die for and he's an absolute stammering idiot...needless to say, i love him.

8:34 AM  
Blogger erin said...

AND he's almost as bad as donnie deutsch (pronounced, DOUCHE!) which is pretty bad....

8:35 AM  
Anonymous jake said...

im not going to lie, while cleaning my room last month i came across a graph or our guesses for the 10 song block of morning block rock block. As evidence that the corn job was the most boring job in the world, we had gone so far as to do some type of standard deviation calculations for the possibility of 'tom sawyer' by rush coming on next. it's pretty fantastic. Also, glenn beck really has gone batshit crazy.

9:53 PM  

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