Sunday, May 31, 2009

George Tiller murder

Once again my humble state is making the news as the land of whack jobs. This time it's not the ones fighting evolution or protesting funerals to register your hatred for gay people but one Kansan shooting another Kansan because he provided abortions and, in particular, one of the few in the country who provided late-term abortions.

I grew up hearing about George Tiller. I can still remember watching the footage of the "Summer of Mercy" protests in '91. These protests were organized by a group called Operation Rescue that was founded by a guy named Randall Terry. During these protests thousands of protester descended on Wichita and nearly 3,000 arrests were made during the several weeks that this went on.

Two years later a woman walked up to George Tiller and shot him in each of his arms. A few years earlier his clinic was bombed so it's not like he was a stranger to violence yet he continued to be a tireless advocate for women's health issues (not just abortion).

My own personal views on abortion might be described as conflicted. Because I view it as a moral and health issue I think that the option should remain legal. I think many abortions could be prevented through education and the availability of contraceptives which is why it always strikes me as odd that many of the most vehement anti-abortion protesters are also against this type of education and dissemination of birth control.

It seems equally messed up that supposed "pro-lifers" continue to perpetrate this type of violence. There seems to be an increase in this type of violence as it reminds me of the shooting in Knoxville, Tennessee that also took place at a "liberal" church or a lot of the violent rhetoric aimed at our government. Nearly all of the anti-abortion groups out there condemned the killing (except for good old Randall Terry who took another opportunity to call Tiller a "mass murderer") but is there responsibility for their positions that demonize their opponents? In other words how often do they have to say "will someone rid me of this meddlesome priest" before they're held somewhat responsible when someone takes action on their words?

Either way it's a tragedy that this father and grandfather was gunned down in his own church in an action that will inevitably cause the chasm between these two groups to widen.

Update: My state may be full of whackos but at least we can spell.

La Raza = Latin KKK

The latest ridiculous talking point coming from the Republicans is that the Latin American group La Raza, of which Sonia Sotomayor is a member, is somehow a racist organization hell bent on destroying the white race. Or something...it's all a little confusing. Hispanic hater Tom Tancredo even compared them to the KKK so you know they're serious.

It's pretty obvious that they are a hate group when you consider that noted haters of white people George W Bush, Karl Rove, and John McCain have all spoken at their meetings. RACISTS! Those guys never give white people a break no matter how much we need them. Damn, it's just so damn hard being a white male these days.

With all of this blatant racism on display I can't help but enjoy the fact they keep pushing hispanic voters (one of the fastest growing demographics) further towards the Democratic Party. If all you can "dig up" on Sotomayor is that she is a member of La Raza this is going to be a pretty easy confirmation.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Jesus, Ronald Reagan, plus Atlas Shrugged


I'm finally getting around to addressing this crime against hip hop. Actually, the problems with privileged white conservatives using "hip hop" to spread their views are fairly obvious but there are some pretty hilarious holes in the logic so I thought I'd pick out a few of those.

"I hate when,
government dictatin, makin, statements, bout how to be a merchant,
How to run a restaurant, how to lay the pavement"
I'm curious if they actually have a problem with government health codes for restaurants or basic standards for safe roads and bridges? Oh, I'm sure the free market will take care of all that, right?

"My conservative view is drill baby drill
You can say you hate me but
I'm praying for you still
My dislike for thee most def is not hyperbole"
So, you're praying for us but your level of dislike is still not hyperbole. Got it. And that's a horrible rhyme.

"A classy gift ain't an Ipod"
Ooh, sick burn, dude. How come Bush can act like a complete asshole whenever he went overseas but Obama gives the Queen a gift (that she apparently asked for) that doesn't meet their standards and it's supposed to be some sort of big deal? I don't get it.

I'd like to take a break from their lyrics to address the fact that they claim Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus were true conservatives on the YouTube page.
Flawed politicians lay on both sides of the political spectrum, however, real conservatives such as Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr., and arguably Jesus are the flag-bearers of the true conservative movement.
Have they actually read anything that King or Jesus said or wrote? I hate to break it to them but both of those guys seem to have some pretty radical ideas about money and violence. These are the people that love to imagine some ass-kicking Jesus who says the things they already believe in.

Plus, do they think that MLK would align with their party that has no problem harboring racists and generally has a "fuck the poor" attitude? King was organizing a poor person's march on Washington when he died and was in Memphis fighting for a minimum wage increase. Wonder what these guys think about those "conservative principles." Morons.

"I gotta message for a young con:
superman that socialism,
waterboard that terrorism"
This might be the dumbest line of all-time. Well, it's actually hard to pick out just one but this one comes close:
"Three things taught me conservative love:
Jesus, Ronald Reagan, plus Atlas Shrugged"
Oh, Atlas Shrugged. You mean that book by Ayn Rand, the atheist? I'm sure she'd love these ass clowns associating her with their obnoxious religious behavior. There's so much crossover between Jesus and his "hey, love your neighbor and look after everybody else" message and Ayn Rand's "fuck it, I got mine" doctrine and her hatred of the "moral cannibalism" of altruism.

"EVERYONE can succeed cause our soldiers bleed, daily"
I don't even know what this means. Clearly, the way to success is by making sure that our soldiers are bleeding every day. I suppose it's more of the typical "support the troops by sending them off to some godforsaken place to fight an unnecessary war that I won't fight in but it's ok because I have a flag pin and a yellow ribbon magnet on my SUV" bullshit.

So, way to go, Young Cons! I'm sure you'll win over lots of fans and probably have a great time touring with Lee Greenwood and making appearances with Joe the Plumber and any other of the heroes of the conservative movement.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em...

...put me in a circle of n_____* and watch me break 'em

A woman playing Craps in New Jersey broke the unofficial record for most consecutive rolls without hitting a seven with a ridiculous 154. She held the dice for over four hours and estimates for her winnings range from hundreds of thousands to upwards of a million. The odds of going that long without a seven is only something like 1 in 1.56 trillion...or 1.5 million times less likely than getting hit by lightning.

*Yes, I am much too white to be allowed to drop n-bombs on my blog, even if they are in song lyrics.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Random quote outside my window

"And, like, she could have gotten that affirmation by fucking you...instead she got it, by like, hanging out and stuff."
(pause)
"I know, totally."

Really wish I knew the story behind that one. Actually I don't.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Another Keyboard Cat Video???

This is actually the first "keyboard cat" video I saw and I'm pretty sure it's the best. Walker, Texas Ranger always had the best lines. My family watched this show pretty much every week but we lived to make fun of Walker and his spinning back kicks and the ridiculous writing on the show. Some feel we were on the cutting edge of the Chuck Norris jokes. Anyway, here's one of the best WTR moments of all time.

Completely bizarre story ends up with me the winner

Tonight I went to prom by which I mean fake prom where one of my local bars raises money for a women's shelter by hosting a fake prom. I bought a couple of raffle tickets hoping to win one of the prizes. The prize I most wanted to win was an area rug that I felt would really tie the room together. They had given out all of the prizes and I hadn't won shit but on my way out the door I asked my former student who had organized the whole event what happened to the rug she promised they would give out. "Oh, shit, we forgot the rug." So they grabbed the bucket of raffle tickets and holy shit, would you believe it, my name came up. So, I'm walking home with my rug and this girl comes up to help me carry it. We're talking and her friend comes up and decides he's going to help me carry the rug to my place. As we're walking it turns out that he's taking a bunch of people up to the top of the KU campanile because he plays it and has a key. Would I like to go? Umm, yeah.

Next thing I know I'm climbing up stairs and ladders and sitting up at by far the highest point in Lawrence. I mean, this was a case of the most bizarre circumstances ever coming together and allowing me an opportunity that would be just about impossible for anyone else. One minute I'm heading home planning on sleeping and the next minute I'm the owner of a new rug that will really tie the room together and hanging out with a bunch of hot girls on the top on the campanile. Unbelievable. Life is good.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Keyboard cat and Dick Cheney

Play him off, cat!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Galactic center of Milky Way time-lapse

More awesome moments from the K (in person!)

I went to the game with my dad tonight and had some moments that really entertained me. What better place to share them than here.

First, were these two Missouri fans.

It's kind of hard to see but the guy with the mullet is sporting a "Missouri Tigers" polyester jacket that I'm sure he's owned at least since the early 80's. Both his hat and shirt were emblazoned with the Mountain Dew logo but I think the shirt had some Nascar tie-in as well. The other guy was just wearing a Missouri hat and of course cut the sleeves off his shirt so everyone at the game can admire his guns. Just to reiterate, all stereotypes about Missouri are true.

After the third inning a bunch of families upgraded their seats. Some kid, probably 7 or 8 was climbing over the seat behind me and managed to kick me right in my spine. Uh, thanks. Then he decided to kick the back of my chair for 3 innings until his dad finally noticed and told him to quit.

This kid and his sister went from alternately annoying me and amusing me because they were both actually pretty big baseball fans. The boy got really excited because one guy had a 1.000 OPS and his sister asked him what OPS was. "Umm, on-base plus, umm....scoring." WRONG!

Then the girl asked if Zack Greinke was playing 2nd base. At this point I lost it and turned around saying, "NO, you idiot! Greinke is the best pitcher on the planet and they're not going to risk injuring him to play him at 2nd base! Jeez, you're a moron." By the time she'd stopped crying I decided that it was actually pretty impressive for a 5-year old to even know that Greinke played for the Royals so I apologized. Then one of them said that David Wright was pitching for the Royals now and I told her how many things were wrong with that statement. First, David Wright plays for the Mets so the Royals would have to trade for him. Second, he plays third base so there's no way they could turn him into a pitcher that fast. Third, I'm pretty sure not even the Royals would be dumb enough to try to do that. Clearly, you're thinking of Jamey Wright who already got yanked by the time I finished my list. Duh.

I like to hear the vendors come up with something new to hawk their wares, like, a unique way to say "Jumbo Peanuts" or something, but one of these guys was really creeping me out. He walked around with five different types of candy and yelled "Candyman!" in a really high-pitched voice. Then he would stop and talk to little kids using the same voice. The kids were legitimately freaked out by this so he kept saying, "It's just like I told that other girl, you can't be bashful around the candyman" in the same high-pitched voice. Pretty sure he's a pederast.

I feel like there was one more thing I wanted to write about but I guess that's it for now. In the end the Royals blew it in the most frustrating fashion. Defensive mistakes kept leading to runs and they failed to bring in the tying run with the bases loaded and one out in the 9th. Kerry Wood has just walked at least 2, maybe 3 guys and Teahen goes up to the plate swinging at the most ridiculous crap then watches strike 3 right down the middle. Way to go. But, the great thing about being a Royals fan is you're always just 4 games or fewer away from a Greinke start, or, in this case, tomorrow.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Body

I definitely don't agree with Jesse Ventura on a lot of things that he stood for but I'm more than happy that he's out there spreading the word for the anti-torture crowd. Watch him own Elisabeth in this clip. I love how she keeps going back to the Pelosi stuff. I'm not a huge Pelosi fan and honestly I wouldn't care if she were no longer Speaker of the House but let's focus on the real, fundamental issues here and that's not what she knew or when she knew it.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Can't we all just get along?

We all can at the Reeeed House. Where black people and white people buy furniture.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Kansas Republicans are giant hypocrites? I'm SHOCKED!

Via Kansas Jackass and the LJWorld comes this fascinating story about large bonuses the (mostly Republican) state legislatures pay their staff. This story broke after the Republicans floated a plan to cut state worker salaries by 5%. The plan was eventually defeated.

You can argue the merits of such bonuses but what I found so amazing about this whole thing was that the current president for a group called Americans for Prosperity, Derrick Sontag, and his wife, Sherriene Jones-Sontag, collected nearly $18,000 in these bonuses on their way out the door. Sherriene got her $10k bonus after her boss get kicked to the curb as majority leader last December when the magnitude of the budget issues facing the state were well-known. Meanwhile Derrick is sending out press releases complaining that more money wasn't cut from public education noting that spending had increased 53% since 2003 in that area.

Hmm, that's odd. That coincides with the exact same time that Kansas school districts were forced to sue their own state government to provide them adequate funding (a case they actually won). So, the lesson here is "screw you kids but I'm gettin' mine", huh?

Then there's the case of the new Republican majority leader who decided to give his chief of staff a $20,000 bonus as soon as he got the job. Of course, that's pretty much par for the course for a guy who is facing nepotism complaints for hooking his wife up with a fat paying job. Gotta love how eager these guys are to root out government waste. Well, as long as you're a Kansas student or a state employee (that isn't in their office, of course).

The Kansas Hermit

It was less than a week ago that I first heard of Kirk Hughes, "The Hermit of Kansas." He was mentioned in passing, and not by name, as an eccentric guy who lived in the trees on the outskirts of Lawrence around 100 years ago. On Saturday I was walking with my friend Phil to go see a show at Burcham Park when we came across a plaque commemorating the man at the location of his last tree house. Then, today lawrence.com comes out with a piece that fleshes out more of his story. I have no idea why this came up three times in four days but I guess I should go ahead and share it here.

The story still resonates today because it is so easy to see the parallels between this radical, eccentric guy and a lot of the people in Lawrence today. The negative quotes from the newspaper article upon his death also sound like they could have been taken out of the Journal-World today on some of those very same characters. In fact, just replace every reference to Cameron with White Owl and tell me it's not pretty much spot on:
General Hugh Cameron is dead. The picturesque old man, with his queer costumes and queer ways, has passed away. He took great delight in the attention that was paid to him and considered the reputation of being a hermit as valuable as another would the holding of a place of great distinction. Furthermore, he considered that a hermit was entitled to special consideration and was not holden to the petty customs of social and business life.


Anyway, kind of interesting story about a hermit who helped make Lawrence weird for over 100 years.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Liberal Elitist Alert!

Apparently some conservatives decided it was a big deal that Obama ordered a cheeseburger with no ketchup and only mustard. Plus he wanted a spicy mustard! Elitist! Elitist! Too good for ketchup! Elitist!

Umm, what? I haven't owned my own bottle of ketchup in years and think it's way overrated. I had no idea that makes me an elitist but apparently it does. We can only hope that none of these ass clowns ever try to order a hot dog in Chicago. Buncha liberal elitist wusses there too. No ketchup? For shame.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Awesome moment at the K

A really special moment at the Royals game the other night when they interviewed Food Network host, Guy Fieri.

Uh, only problem is it's just some moron pretending to be Guy Fieri. Ooh, Joel Goldberg got punked!

Way to go, KC. We really are a bunch of hicks.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Zackkkkkkkkkk Update

The list of the last few pitchers that won their first six starts with an ERA of less than one:
1. '09 Zack Greinke 0.40
2. '08 Cliff Lee 0.81 (won CY Award)
3. '00 Randy Johnson 0.93 (won CY Award)
4. '97 Pedro Martinez 0.79 (won CY Award)
5. '91 Roger Clemens 0.73 (won CY Award)

Greinke has 54 strikeouts and 8 walks on the year. I've never seen a Royals pitcher that is this good.

Glenn Beck: "I think this whole college thing is a scam"


There are loads and loads of stupidity on display here.

You know what? The real scam is that we require most people to go way into debt just to have a decent career. I'm not really sure what their argument is here because most students already have to take out loans in order to go to college but somehow taking out government loans with lower interest rates is worse than taking out loans from private corporations. According to whoever that moron is next to Glenn Beck someday the government might require you to "vote Democratic" to repay that loan. Umm, ok. Is something that idiotic even worth responding to?

Then they compare some form of national service to slavery and act as if it's impossible for anyone to choose a career if they miss out on those key "formative years." Well, I had no freaking clue what I wanted to do during my "formative years" and by the time I figured it out it ended up costing me a lot of time and money. Apparently those are "irreplaceable" and I'll be a failure forever. I'm not sure how all of these other countries that require some sort of national service manage to survive when none of their people can ever form a career.

Then there's his elitist ideas that we need to make obtaining an education as difficult as possible (meaning paying for it, not actually working at learning) so that people "appreciate it." Honestly, I hear bullshit like that and think that some of these people really wouldn't mind having an uneducated population. Easier to control, I guess. What, exactly, is your problem with a free education for everyone?