Saturday, May 30, 2009

Jesus, Ronald Reagan, plus Atlas Shrugged


I'm finally getting around to addressing this crime against hip hop. Actually, the problems with privileged white conservatives using "hip hop" to spread their views are fairly obvious but there are some pretty hilarious holes in the logic so I thought I'd pick out a few of those.

"I hate when,
government dictatin, makin, statements, bout how to be a merchant,
How to run a restaurant, how to lay the pavement"
I'm curious if they actually have a problem with government health codes for restaurants or basic standards for safe roads and bridges? Oh, I'm sure the free market will take care of all that, right?

"My conservative view is drill baby drill
You can say you hate me but
I'm praying for you still
My dislike for thee most def is not hyperbole"
So, you're praying for us but your level of dislike is still not hyperbole. Got it. And that's a horrible rhyme.

"A classy gift ain't an Ipod"
Ooh, sick burn, dude. How come Bush can act like a complete asshole whenever he went overseas but Obama gives the Queen a gift (that she apparently asked for) that doesn't meet their standards and it's supposed to be some sort of big deal? I don't get it.

I'd like to take a break from their lyrics to address the fact that they claim Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus were true conservatives on the YouTube page.
Flawed politicians lay on both sides of the political spectrum, however, real conservatives such as Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr., and arguably Jesus are the flag-bearers of the true conservative movement.
Have they actually read anything that King or Jesus said or wrote? I hate to break it to them but both of those guys seem to have some pretty radical ideas about money and violence. These are the people that love to imagine some ass-kicking Jesus who says the things they already believe in.

Plus, do they think that MLK would align with their party that has no problem harboring racists and generally has a "fuck the poor" attitude? King was organizing a poor person's march on Washington when he died and was in Memphis fighting for a minimum wage increase. Wonder what these guys think about those "conservative principles." Morons.

"I gotta message for a young con:
superman that socialism,
waterboard that terrorism"
This might be the dumbest line of all-time. Well, it's actually hard to pick out just one but this one comes close:
"Three things taught me conservative love:
Jesus, Ronald Reagan, plus Atlas Shrugged"
Oh, Atlas Shrugged. You mean that book by Ayn Rand, the atheist? I'm sure she'd love these ass clowns associating her with their obnoxious religious behavior. There's so much crossover between Jesus and his "hey, love your neighbor and look after everybody else" message and Ayn Rand's "fuck it, I got mine" doctrine and her hatred of the "moral cannibalism" of altruism.

"EVERYONE can succeed cause our soldiers bleed, daily"
I don't even know what this means. Clearly, the way to success is by making sure that our soldiers are bleeding every day. I suppose it's more of the typical "support the troops by sending them off to some godforsaken place to fight an unnecessary war that I won't fight in but it's ok because I have a flag pin and a yellow ribbon magnet on my SUV" bullshit.

So, way to go, Young Cons! I'm sure you'll win over lots of fans and probably have a great time touring with Lee Greenwood and making appearances with Joe the Plumber and any other of the heroes of the conservative movement.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did I just get served?

~Swany

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