Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oral Roberts? Is that anything like Anal Johnson?

Remember when the guys that did Super Troopers followed it up with Club Dread and we all went to see it and it was really lame? Yeah, that dumb line is pretty much the only thing I remember from that movie and only because I once knew a guy a few years ago who said it all the time for basically no reason at all.

Anyway, the real Oral Roberts is dead and the guys at Terrace Agenda dug up this hilarious clip of Oral laying down some sexual knowledge. Absolutely classic stuff. It's amazing how he can find new ways to pronounce "orifices" and "anus" but can't quite bring himself to say "penis."

I feel like while I'm on the topic of evangelical Christians I should mention the jackass sitting next to me at the coffee shop tonight. I was trying to get some grading done but it was nearly impossible because I had to keep listening to what this dude was saying.

They appeared to be a typical hipster couple you'd expect to be sitting in Henry's talking about literature or whatever but it didn't take long to figure out that the guy was kind of a moron. He was discussing his writing class and how this one guy kept writing about this mundane things and he couldn't stand it but "the professor kept saying how good this guy was at taking mundane things and making them interesting and important. I don't know, that's just not for me. For me the point of being a writer is to make things interesting." Uhh, I have no idea what that means.

When the talk turned to movies he told this girl about the "totally awesome" movie trailer he saw that day where apparently Denzel Washington is in possession of the last Bible on Earth and everyone is trying to get it and he has to defend it with a sword. I know nothing about this other than that's basically the description he gave but, seriously? Is that real?

Then they started talking about how they're both into being Christians and the talk turns to volunteering for something and how this guy wants to go into "Teach for America." So, for some reason I feel like Teach for America is kind of bullshit because these people don't actually have teaching degrees yet they're sent off to failing schools as if sending people with less training is somehow a good idea. And if these people are so into teaching inner-city kids why don't they just get a real teaching certificate and go get a job there instead of dropping in for a year and slapping it up on their resume?

So, the girl brings up AmeriCorps and the guy says, "oh, I could never do that?"
"Well, they aren't selective at all. I mean, you don't even need a college degree to do that."
"Yeah, but you're still helping people."
"But, I mean, I just think Teach for America would look a lot better on my resume for grad school. Plus they don't really pay you at all. I mean, why should I have to be destitute to do that?"
"Well, I think part of that is to understand the way that the people you're helping are living."
"But, why should I have to be poor to do that? I mean, I knew one guy that did it and he qualified for food stamps. I mean, you're really poor."
Then the conversation turned into how he didn't think it was selfish to only want to do this in an "awesome place like Seattle."
The girl said, "well, you have to go where the people are."
"Yeah, but, I mean, help is needed everywhere."

Alright, so, you're a Christian and your main goals in helping people are to go somewhere cool where they pay you a lot and it looks good on your resume. Awesome. This type of stuff went on and on and it took a lot of strength not to turn to the guy and tell him that I hope he failed at everything as I left.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Matthew 19:23-24

Have you ever heard people try to weasel out of that one by claiming that the eye of the needle was a nickname for some tricky gateway? Heh.


4:17 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Get back to grading - you've got a lot of bowl watching to do in a couple weeks, I don't want anything getting in the way of that.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

That clip, by the way, just made my day. Thank you.

1:08 PM  

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