Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Twofer Tuesday

OK, this video might was too ridiculous to pass up. I used up all of my real outrage below so I'll just generally mock this.
Wow, mixed message much?

"You're not going to hook up before you're married?"
"Nope."
"For real?"
"Nope. Oh, except for when I actually already did and got knocked up. But that was really hard and had nothing to do with me becoming a celebrity on all of these popular TV shows and never actually taking care of my kid."

"Hey, kids, don't have sex!"
"But if you do have lots of it!"
"But only with a condom!"
"Because you'll need it with all the anonymous partners you meet in clubs!"

"Here, B Palin, have a condom."
"No, I don't need it because I don't have sex. Even though I already did have sex and got pregnant. Good girls don't need condoms because they made a virginity pledge and those are for life or something so there's no reason why they would ever need a condom around."

Also, doesn't Candie's make clothes for strippers?

Obama craps on supporters in attempt to impress wingnuts

I get a lot of spam email from Obama and the Organizing for America people asking me to do this or that or donate, as I'm sure a lot of you do as well. Most of the time I skim it to see what they're saying but the one I found in my inbox today really rubbed me the wrong way. It began with Obama's announcement that he was freezing the pay of nearly all non-military federal government employees for two years in an effort to cut the deficit.

There are lots of reasons why this is a horribly dumb idea and I could write snarky rhetorical questions until my fingers fall off but I don't have time to properly vent so we'll summarize:
1. In the end it means nothing. It's a drop in the bucket (something like 0.05% of federal spending).

2. Economically it's the exact opposite of what they should be (and claim to be) doing...creating jobs and consumer spending. Claiming that governments need to cinch their belts just like families do is a nice soundbite but horrible economic policy. Totally different ballgames.

3. Politically it's dumb. Once again, Obama is negotiating against himself before the negotiations actually begin. Dude, please stop. Every time you offer your hand in good faith they stab you with a fork. It's not happening. If you had to do this why not as part of some deal where the tax cuts for the richest of the rich are allowed to expire or unemployment benefits are extended? At least we would have something to show for it.

4. You're shitting on the people that supported you. Federal employees are typically Democratic voters because usually Democrats don't try to pull shit like this. Not to mention the unions. The number of Democratic votes in the 2010 election was pretty close to the same as it was in 2006 but huge numbers of people that voted for you in 2008 stayed home. Are they going to be there in 2012? Maybe address a few more of their concerns.

5. Don't send your supporters bullshit emails asking them to carry your water on crap like this.
A decade of irresponsible spending led to a projected $1.3 trillion deficit that President Obama inherited upon taking office -- putting America on an unsustainable fiscal course.

From Day One, this administration's top focus has been growing the economy and putting Americans back to work -- and that will never change.

The economy is growing again, yet all across America families and businesses have been tightening their belts. The President knows their government must do the same.

Yesterday, he announced a proposal to freeze pay for non-military federal employees for two years -- a plan that will lead to $60 billion in savings over 10 years. It's one of many tough choices the President has made to cut costs in the upcoming budget to begin to put our nation's fiscal house in order. And it follows directly from this administration's dedication to stretching federal dollars and reining in the long-term deficit.

Now, if you listen to some talk radio hosts or a few of the talking heads on cable news, you'll hear a very different assessment of our fiscal policies. These voices ignore the irresponsibility of the past while pinning the blame for "reckless spending" solely on this administration. It would make a good fairy tale if it weren't so dangerously untrue.

But these voices -- as loud as they are -- are spreading bunk. Cutting costs and spending responsibly has been a cornerstone of this administration's record. And we need your help to get the truth out there.
I'm supposed to write a letter to editor talking about what a great move this is? Hell no.

No shit they're attacking you with lies...IT'S WHAT THEY DO! They're going to do it if you freeze everybody salaries or whether you don't. You know it's not actually having any real effect on the deficit and certainly not compared to the impact of extending tax cuts for the rich or continuing to send cargo planes of cash over to Iraq and Afghanistan. So, why do it? How come middle-class federal employees have to "tighten their belts" while asking the rich to make some sort of sacrifice is off-limits.

The 3rd quarter of this year just happened to be Corporate America's most profitable quarter ever. Ever! Yet, the corporate taxes are killing our ability to compete or something. Wall Street bankers are deciding it's ok to start "swaggering" again (which apparently means renting dwarfs for bachelor parties?) but, dammit, those struggling rich people need to be able to spend more and with those progressive income tax rates who even wants to make money any more? Won't anyone think of the trickle-down effects for the dwarves???

Anyway, no, Obama, I won't be writing any letters celebrating your commitment to fiscal responsibility as long as that commitment only asks struggling working (and currently non-working) class people to sacrifice and not those that can actually afford it.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Scratch another one off the Bucket List

I think I'm destined to see Iowa State lose football games in every single absolutely gut-wrenching way possible. Having already seen them lose on a blocked PAT I thought we had that one taken care of but missing on a fake PAT in overtime...now THAT'S new. It's nice that after all these years they're still finding new ways to crush my soul.

As far as the call? I like going for it there. The defense looked gassed and as the underdog I think you're better off shortening the game as much as you can. I'm not crazy about asking your kick holder to make the biggest throw of the game in ridiculous wind. The guy was wide open and he couldn't make the throw. Would they have been better off lining up for one play? Questionable but at least you can go through Arnaud or to Robinson then. Maybe they should have just kicked and hoped for another stop. After hearing people bitch for years about McCarney playing "not to lose" (much of it justified) I don't want to hear crying about a coach that will try to win there.

What sucks the most is that that was pretty much the last chance ever for ISU to beat Nebraska. Ugh. Great, amazing, awesome effort by the team but it's frustrating that I keep thinking about the overthrow against K-State and the underthrow against Nebraska. Much like the destinies of the '04 and '05 teams were changed by missed kicks this season may turn on missed throws.

I watched the end of the game in the Bill Snyder Family Stadium (possibly one of the dumbest names ever) parking lot while I caught much of the rest on the big screen and the radio. I was there as a guest of my uncle to see K-State-Texas which was a lot of fun. K-State just absolutely owns Texas. 3 straight wins and a total beatdown today. At one point it was 31-0 and K-State had 0 passing yards! 0 passing yards! For the day they were 2-4 with 9 yards. Just absurd.

But, yeah, Texas is not good. Their QB is brutal (5 picks but 2, maybe 3 were tipped balls) and the team doesn't really look like they give a shit at this point. Kind of not sad at all for me to see.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Win or lose, Nebraska still sucks

Today is most likely the last Iowa State-Nebraska football game for a long time, if not ever which is too bad. Sure, they may be self-congratulating pompous assholes but every conference needs a villain and they were a great one. Mostly due to the self-proclaimed "greatest fans in college football" who are more than a little too wrapped up in their football team and will turn on them in an instant ("hey, that 20 year-old kid cost us a football game. wanna go heckle him as he walks out to his car?). Yeah, it's easy to applaud the other team when you're beating them 70-3...assholes. And for a fan base that is supposedly "so knowledgeable" don't they seem to boo, like, every single call that goes against them?

This game always seemed to be played on one of those dreary, just-starting-to-get-cold fall days in Ames and I seemed to spend most of them with my shirt off and some timely slogan written on my chest in magic marker. Ah, the memories. Number one stunnas. Crowd-surfing after touchdowns. The guy who set up a stage in the tailgating lot and performed his original song with a repeating chorus of "fuck Nebraska." Frank Solich is a might midget. Rushing the field in '04. Watching the 2nd half of last year's win with my bro-in-law and cackling with every recap of the numerous turnovers and every stunned fan they showed. For my money there isn't a better "stunned fan" shot than the Huskers. They usually have someone crying or some corn fed loser over reacting.

As much as I hate them I love to hate them even more. The fact that they are coached by Bo Pelini, a man that is almost a caricature of every asshole football coach to ever walk the sidelines, makes it that much easier. So, farewell, cornholers. I have to admit I'll miss having you jerks around.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Who is Randy Moss?

I'm not always sure how I feel about the FreeDarko style of sportswriting that tries to capture the essence of a player or sport through deeply thought out analogies to jazz or politics or art cinema or some other high brow pursuit. On the one hand, it's kind of awesome but on the other hand, you just spent hours writing that, let's just watch some football. But, yeah, who am I kidding? I love this over-analyzation shit.

Anyway, here's a long piece that manages to compare the game of football to socialism and Randy Moss to Ayn Rand/John Galt fetishists. Boom, roasted.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Return of the Shrub

It appears that old George Bush, Jr. is prepared to emerge from whatever basement he's been drinking himself into oblivion for the last 2 years, err, eating pretzels but definitely not drinking. Eating pretzels? Nah, too chokey. Staring into space? Sure, we'll go with that.

Anyway, he first appeared at the World Series hamming it up with the team he used to own. In some ways it was a hopeful metaphor: The team that he ran into the ground was finally emerging from the shadow of his leadership to compete for a championship. It only took just slightly more than a decade for them to recover but I'm not sure how long that translates in Nation Years. Apparently, the voters of this country feel that 2 years of Democratic control was enough for them to fix it and have now chosen to give the Republicans another shot. Hey, anytime you have a chance to double-down on a collection of policies that have nearly ruined the country you have to do it, right?

So, apparently Bush has furrowed his brow and attempted a little introspection for the first time in his life in order to come up with a book about his presidency. What's that saying about a thousand chimps at a thousand typewriters? Inevitably this means we're going to see his smirking face everywhere we turn for the next few months. If we learned anything from the Bush years (and clearly most of the country didn't) it's that if you put this guy in front of a camera or pen and paper he's going to say something a) moronic, b) outrageously offensive, c) both. The gaffe tour is already beginning as news leaked of what he considers the worst moment of his presidency. September 11? You kidding me? Gold mine. Realizing he started a war based on fraudulent and faulty intelligence? Of course not. Watching New Orleans drown? Getting closer. It was when Kanye said he didn't care about black people.

“He called me a racist,” Bush tells Lauer. “And I didn’t appreciate it then. I don’t appreciate it now. It’s one thing to say, ‘I don’t appreciate the way he’s handled his business.’ It’s another thing to say, ‘This man’s a racist.’ I resent it, it’s not true.”

Lauer quotes from Bush’s new book: “Five years later I can barely write those words without feeling disgust.” Lauer adds, “You go on: ‘I faced a lot of criticism as president. I didn’t like hearing people claim that I lied about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction or cut taxes to benefit the rich. But the suggestion that I was racist because of the response to Katrina represented an all-time low.’

President Bush responds: “Yeah. I still feel that way as you read those words. I felt ‘em when I heard ‘em, felt ‘em when I wrote ‘em, and I felt ‘em when I’m listening to ‘em.

Lauer: “You say you told Laura at the time it was the worst moment of your presidency?”

Bush: “Yes. My record was strong, I felt, when it came to race relations and giving people a chance. And it was a disgusting moment.”

Lauer: “I wonder if some people are going to read that, now that you’ve written it, and they might give you some heat for that. And the reason is this — “

Bush [interrupting]: “Don’t care.”

Lauer: “Well, here’s the reason. You’re not saying that the worst moment in your presidency was watching the misery in Louisiana. You’re saying it was when someone insulted you because of that.”

Bush: “No, and I also make it clear that the misery in Louisiana affected me deeply as well. There’s a lot of tough moments in the book. And it was a disgusting moment, pure and simple.”
Did you catch that? All of his worst moments were about people criticizing him!!!! It's all about him! Not about all the shitty stuff that he did...just that people called him out on it! This man is insane, scary, pathological, clueless, etc.

But, seriously, the line about how he didn't like it when people said he cut taxes to benefit the rich? That's satire, right? I mean, he's not that clueless. Err...

Anyway, I'm going to try to avoid this asshole as much as I can but I know he's going to keep popping up with shit like this that sends me over the edge. But, hey, let's elect even crazier and dumber Republicans because that'll fix this mess that was entirely Obama's fault!

On a related note here is a great, short piece on the Teabagger's anger showing up now.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Worst. Opening. Ever.


Well, I think that went pretty well.