Wednesday, December 01, 2010

World Cup fever

In case you hadn't been following things FIFA will announce the 2018 and 2022 World Cup sites on Thursday morning. Most of you will read this after the announcement but I'll go ahead and present the pros and cons of all bidders.


The birthplace of the sport and spiritual home of hooligans everywhere. Hasn't hosted since 1966 which is also the last time they won. The pressure on their team would be beyond anything we could imagine and a loss would crush them beyond belief. That's almost a good enough reason to give it to them right there. Unfortunately the bid lost points when the English media began to expose the rampant corruption present in this process. Apparently pointing out that FIFA is a blatantly corrupt organization loses you points with that same blatantly corrupt organization. The England bid committee knows this obviously and responded by calling the reports "unpatriotic." Ah, I see.

Possibly the co-favorite with England but Putin decided not to travel and is already decrying the process as an "unfair competition." Translation: England is doing a better job bribing than we are. What? You're Russia! Have one of your gajillionaire oligarchs step up and win this thing.

This seems like it would make a lot of sense but I feel like the residents of these countries were too busy relaxing to actually put a bid together. I feel a special kinship with Portugal ever since the Kansas City Wizards became Sporting Kansas City in an attempt to cash in on the lucrative Sporting Lisbon brand. Or something.

Possibly not a real bid.

United States
Come on, how do you not give it to the USA? We have an embarrassing assortment of bomb-ass stadiums already built, we have sponsors lined up to throw money at this thing, every country present already has a built-in fan base...what's not to like? OK, so the sport still ranks 5th or so on the common fans interest index but it really is making progress and a 12 build-up to a World Cup would probably lead to the biggest sporting event ever to happen to this country. If I remember right the '94 Cup still has the highest attendance numbers and is one of the most profitable. Come on, FIFA, CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME...CREAM! GET THE MONEY DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL YA'LL!

Hey, 110 degrees Fahrenheit and a country-wide ban on alcohol? How have you not hosted a tournament before this? Yeah, I get that they love to throw money around like it's sand in that country but, really? Qater? Apparently their plan is to build the stadiums (with AC) then dismantle them and move them to poor countries when they're done. Why give in this? Oh, right, because they've already been caught trying to trade votes and they have enough money to buy the rest.

They give less of a shit about soccer than the US does but they've never had a Cup in that area. Plus, the US and Europe get to watch all of the matches at ridiculous times.

Didn't we just do this?

South Korea
See Japan with the bonus of North Korean artillery attacks.

So, there you go. My money is on the favorites England and the USA but if I had to pick an upset it would be Russia followed closely by Qater.


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